A sickness growing stronger from deep within your gut, all hunger is gone, numbness blankets the whole system, the blood flowing in your arms run instantly cold freezing from within, and water flows down the face as though a rock was removed from releasing the hidden underground spring.
It is inescapable in this life to avoid or slide by tragic, sad, and unbelievable events from occurring to you, or around you. We develop personal actions (an armor) in dealing with these negative blows to our system. Possibly a place is reached in belief we are ready for the next barrage of bad events. The cruel and harsh reality is discovered there are holes in our armor. The sickness returns with a greater fury than ever before and the war begins again.
Control and Out of Control: There are things one could think about that is In Control, thought of as In-Control, and what is Out of Control. Control and Out of Control take their place and category in an understanding manageable acceptance. It is the what was thought to be In-Control that is so close to you that it spiritually knifes you in the back with no warning. The sickness infiltrates your system leaving you staggering again with the onslaught of emotions.
With all our young superior physicality and knowing better than our elders attitude the truth strikes hard and clear the reality this is what the older generation warned us about. The sickness returns with a deafening sound and cold light of this is out of my control. The spirit within us goes into a denial mode not willing to accept and letting go to the facts before all our senses. “This cannot be…” goes through our mind while the sickness drains even more of our life force.
The unacceptable knocks on our door trying to get us to open up and letting go of the things we do not have the power to change; reasoning with us we have done all that we can do in our control, but it is now out of our hands and out of our control. The very thing we love more than life itself must go the course themselves for the unknown end of their choice while the sickness within makes us watch in total helplessness.
People will offer in-sight or comfort. The realization that there is none because it is a roller coaster ride already in motion with unknown curves, false ups, downs, twists, and turns ahead that only God can keep you from falling. The our of your control and the unknown ending is more cruel than any made movie. Your loved one and the hope for a good life for them is hanging in the balance. The sickness returns beating you and telling you “You are saying Goodbye to the one you love”. It is as though time stops and nothing matters, oblivious to the elements around you.
This not so young superior physicality and knowing better than our elders attitude person is understanding the hard way of what our parents and elders warned us about. With deeper sadness than ever before I understand the words of one having eyes to see, but does not perceive and ears to hear, but do not understand. Blindness is a life threatening disease whether physical or spiritual.
I went to my father’s grave and knelt down placing my hand on the grass of the area I thought was above his chest in the casket. I said to him, “I hope I have lived a life that would make you and God proud”. It started raining in the sunshine.
Letting Go of things into their reality categories is how most separate and deal with bad events in this life. There are some that there will be a lifetime of denial and acceptance of ever “Letting Go”. May the warm loving spiritual light of God’s grace fill your body, mind, and soul with a relief of “Letting Go” into his hands.