Marriage is when a person wants to spend their life with another person as a one family unit side by side in this world. When two people want to buy matching shirts, pants, shorts, socks, shoes, hats…etc they are sending a visual message to everyone else that looks upon them that they are together as one. Rings on certain fingers is a visual message that they are married to one another. Marriage is a signed legal form or a formal recognition of a union of two people as partners in a joining relationship as one flesh.
People get married for many different reasons, but the original purpose of marriage was to take away loneliness. The daunting task is to find that one person who can be one flesh and one spirit (soul mate) without other blinding interferences.
God does not want loneliness to exist for anyone including Himself. God created a son in His own image and likeness. There was only one Adam on planet earth and God saw his loneliness. There was no mate for Adam in all the earth only animals with mates of their kind. God is a solutionist. God put Adam to sleep like a doctor would apply anesthesia controlling the pain, blood pressure, blood flow, and breathing taking a rib from inside Adam’s one and only body to form his mate for the purpose of taking away his loneliness. Two people from the same flesh as one.
Unfortunately, marriage is a hit or miss situation left in our hands. Our flesh sends the sensory inputs to our inside spirit of what we think is a reason to marry someone for the rest of our life. Your selfishness is meeting their selfishness deceiving you both unless there is one of you that has an awareness. The seems good is a form of “Love is Blind”, overriding the reality of each other’s truth. The key is those reasons are the same on both parties coming together creating a oneness of those reasons.
Majority of people allow the appearance of the other person to be their foundation of reasons to marry them. After marrying that body you wanted to be yours the rest of your life turns out to have a spiritual driver inside it that you did not see when dating. This is where the “Love is Blind” statement comes up. The “Love is Blind” is really a tunnel vision of a personal reason or reasons of your choice. You personally put blinders on conscientiously (knowingly) or unconsciously (unknowingly) the other facts about that person. There is a demonic selfishness that lies hidden underneath our skin continuously promoting the blindness of love. This is a very high risk rolling of the dice approach of a happy ever after marriage.
Some go out focused on a career or a place of occupation they want to reach as a goal in life. Along this path they meet different people. In this locked in frame of mind this person could be wanting the outward appearance to match what they think will help their career and the other could be looking for skills above the looks for their career. Conscientiously (knowingly) or unconsciously (unknowingly) that demonic selfishness hidden underneath the skin is blinding other possible red flags about a person you are considering as a life long partner because after marriage you come face to face of their spirit driver hidden underneath their skin. This is also a very high risk of the rolling of the dice of a happy ever after marriage.
Another group of people go out searching for looks and personality/intelligence. This is a closer approach to hitting the bull’s eye and less than rolling the dice, but still has hidden flaws for possible deception. It may be difficult to believe, but there are those who thought they were being careful weighing the looks and personality/intelligence in balance only to find out after marriage the fine tuned ability of the other spiritual driver of that body was as crafty as they were hiding the real truth about themselves. Hollywood does not have the best actors in the world. They live among the common people of every day life.
It does not matter what you are taking out there with you whether it is for appearances only, career boosting only, or the mix of appearance and personality the element of the demonic selfishness underneath the skin can still have its way with you leaving you to discover the true nature of the spirit driver inside that person you married. Almost everyone puts on their best behavior in dating no matter the length of time their reason is locked in to the end of getting you.
WHAT SHOULD I BEING DOING?
Take the time to list the different things from different people who you really like and do not grow tired of being around it. Obviously, whatever is your first priority start your listing there. If it is looks form your likes, but go onto a list of personalities and level of intelligence you like.
LIST EXAMPLES: LOOKS
Black Long Hair, 5’10” or taller, Slender/athletic body, high cheekbones, pleasant/cute/pretty/peaceful face, smooth/soft skin, compassionate/color eyes, beautiful smile, sweet/soft voice…etc The more specific you are the more you see yourself destroying that demonic selfishness hidden underneath your skin and the development of your true preference emerging.
Religion preference, positive/solution minded, perceptive, sensitive, close/equal intelligence, moderate conversationalist, high integrity, humble, respectful, reasonable, moderate romantic, modesty minded, organized, elegant outside, playful inside…etc This is pushing the point of being specific because it is important to have these things up front in your mind or your heart will be deceived by the demonic selfishness underneath your skin. The key words are “…will be…” in the previous sentence if you don’t self examine yourself before marriage. If you go on these dating sites they should push you to the preferences that matter to you and why not have them inside your head instead of trusting the web?
Average or above with computers, music abilities, moderate people person, mature advice, independently resourceful, team minded, always looking to improving things, moderate worker, explorer…etc These are generalizations to things that could be career/life goals supportive qualities. I know you can list more.
A quick note if the someone you have your eye upon is doing the function or ability you are looking for does not mean their heart, mind, and soul is into the physical action they are doing. The skill or talent you are observing and falling in love with has a spirit driver inside that flesh that can be in another world while they are physically doing the skill or talent you like. In marrying them you may have given them an outlet and they no longer care to keep doing the skill or talent you thought would help you achieve your goals. This is where that demonic selfishness can blind you from the reality of truth from them and yourself.
The first thing is if your attraction (=looks, career, looks/personality) to someone goes past the eye contact into a date or dating the self examining of yourself should kick in with questions (this will save your life) and fight the star struck feeling. Self examination digs out and reveals that demonic selfishness hidden underneath your skin. Red flags of things you don’t like should be a set number of them that makes it a deal breaker. Why a certain number of red flags as a deal breaker is because no one is perfect. The human factor will always exist, but the level of their red flags should be a making yourself move on. The less red flags you can find the happier you will be and them.
If you don’t do this from the beginning marking the red flags that you don’t like as you go along the persuasions of the demonic selfishness starts the smooth soft talking voice of lying reasons just as bad as the devil did to Eve in the garden of Eden with the possible same after effects. And it is a “Yes” you can lose your life in a marriage, but not in the sense of death to your body which naturally occurs. You can lose your life in the sense of the dreams, the goals, and the residing potential inside yourself decaying away.
Question one that you go after digging for the real truth inside yourself is “Why am I so drawn to them?” In complete all honesty with yourself answer it. You will start to see what category you are in with yourself. Am I stronger in the looks of the person? Am I looking for a support to my career or life goals? Am I drawn to the their looks and personality/intelligence? After you have established what area are you drawn to them you can start pulling from all other areas scoring and dropping red flags.
Choosing a date like you would a mate is a tough standard, but it will keep you from the demonic selfishness underneath your skin and the one underneath their skin from doing something you’ll regret either later or the rest of your life. Now, this is where the demonic selfishness underneath your skin plays the card on you of loneliness, slaps down beside it the card of depression, and then stares at you with pressure to hurry up and make a move. Remember this is a demonic selfishness underneath your skin doing the lying. You are in control of what you can do in life and there is a whole world of people out there not limited to your language only.
What traps most people is the four wall vision. The place we live in is like a four walled boxed in place. Our schools are like a four walled boxed in place. Our jobs become like a four walled boxed in place. Our churches are like a four walled boxed in place. Our drives to school, church, and work becomes a four walled boxed in route. Our demonic selfishness underneath our skin has the four walled boxed in place blinders on our minds, hearts, and souls. We become brainwashed that where we are living is all that there is to choose from in this life, which is a lie.
You are in this town thinking with the four walled boxed in thoughts while over in another town, city, or country another person who could potentially match your soul mate list is thinking the same thing and not making a move to explore other areas. You need to travel, but not just one place. I mean really travel as far as within your means. If you think you are alone with the pressure you’ve got to find someone fast or it is the end of the world go on the internet and check out other towns, cities, and countries. It will blow your mind on all the people who are outside your four walled boxed in lies. Get out of your demonic selfishness underneath your skin comfort zone and go to places that interest you and meet different people. Knock down the four walled boxed in thinking and open your options to a vast world of choices.
You will find a ton of new friends who will connect you to others and through it all there will be someone who will light up your list with check marks with extremely low x’s. People no matter their language, their color, and their gender will have the same thing in them as you do. They will either be after a person for looks only, career/life goals only, or the mix of looks and personality/intelligence. They have the same demonic selfishness underneath their skin blinding them as you do no matter who, what, when, and where they are from. Flesh is flesh and spirit is spirit. We are all the same no matter what language we speak.
All the above dealt with your demonic selfishness underneath your skin and other people. One more very important clue to pass on while searching for your life partner of happiness – the parents.
Genetically all will (KEY WORD = WILL) turn out like their parents and/or grandparents. You need to find out in the beginning as much as you can about the parents looks, careers, and personalities/intelligence. The one you are interested in no matter what category you are in (looks, career, personality/intelligence) they will have portions of their parents make-up. You need to keep going through your list and dropping flags where you need to drop them. I know this rough, but I am trying to save you a lifetime of suffering.
I don’t care how much you think you can change them or how they are not so like their parents you think, after marriage the hidden demonic selfishness underneath their skin will show themselves behind the closed doors of your home while the rest of the world thinks they are wonderful. The attitude of you will change them is kicking God out of His throne and you sitting in His chair to do His job. It is taking on the task of a square and forcing it to be round. In the end it will still be the majority square with only the corners chewed off with your teeth missing and the wrinkles of age upon you.
If one parent or both yells a great deal the one you are interested in will yell like them at one point or another. They have the ingredient to yell in them, but suppressing it while dating you. If one or the other has a bad temper drop a red flag. If you are a peaceful person this should be a deal breaker. If one or the other has a negative attitude drop a red flag. If you are a positive person this should be a deal breaker. Try to find out how far does it go back into their family of having these traits. Does it go from them to their parent and onto the grandparent? If it does you are dealing with an inherited trait that only God can fix if they are willing to let Him fix it, but you can’t you are not God (don’t marry them). You are dealing with things that are known or unknown. You may see the traits, but the person you are interested may not see them under their own nose. You are not God and you cannot force out of them those traits. God does not force any of us to be perfect, but allows us the freedom of choice for His assistance. They must see it inside themselves and WANT in themselves to change the trait(s) with more than just words, but a strong evidential proof of consecutive change.
If you have made it this far in your reading I say, “God bless you”. Divorce is more common than a life long marriage of happiness in the world today. Marriage for the majority is left up to us to judge on who we want to marry. I am not speaking for you, but the human factor of making mistakes is very high in all of us including marriage. You will marry for looks, career/life goals, or a mix of looks and personality/intelligence. The gamble is in all of them, but you can change them from high risk, medium risk to low risk. For some it is too late the demonic selfishness underneath the skin has trapped people into a marriage that maybe your parents or your friend’s parents.
Marriage will make you, break you, or imprison you for a life of servitude as caretaker. Make your list, see your list with understanding, and hang on tight to it for the greater than Hollywood stars you will meet in life. The “make you” is happiness, the “break you” is sadness, and the “imprison you” is darkness. Do you really want to haphazardly roll the dice on someone for your life?
I have been a little tough in this article. Marriage retreats, marriage counselors, marriage advisers, marriage self helps are all well and good, but there are some things that man has no power to change no matter how cotton candy they try to pump you up the truth is sometimes only in God’s hands. Be wise before you ask or accept the proposal of marriage.
You have to fight for your own happiness with perception and understanding as wisdom guides your footsteps of commitment.