July 2017 – Past the Surface

I Want To Die

Hi! I am glad you stopped by to read “I Want To Die“. This is something that has crossed everyone’s mind sometime in their life. You are not alone. For some the thought of death was a flash and for others it became a returning subject to think about. To die has a closure and an ending sound to it and to live has an ongoing never-ending sound to it. One of them implies freedom and the other implies torture. I am glad you are here, now reading this because I don’t want you to be deceived anymore.

I was deceived and I don’t want you to make a decision based on lies. Death has many people thinking that this is an ending to all the things they are facing. As you read these words they are passing through the physical tunnel of your eyes into your eternal spirit inside your body. This is the real you no matter what you look like on the outside. Your eyes are only a temporary tunnel of sight to your eternal spirit behind them. This is the time to find the real you. Here comes one factual truth that your body is the only fleshly shell that can die everything else about you will remain forever. I hope this is not disappointing, but the real you will exist forever. A good question to ask at this time is do “I Want To Die” right now taking with me the bad things inside with me forever or do I want to find a way to make the bad things die and I live on free? The real you that is focused on these words will not die. I know and see my spirit is speaking to your spirit through these words, but a greater than both of us is here between us. He is the one that gave us our eternal spirits. He wanted me to know and you that death will only come to the body that is housing us. Your body will return to the dust of the earth eventually, but you – your spirit will continue forever in the state you left this world for better or worse.

Your spirit can face a type of death matching it as an eternal death, but it is more like a still living/existing death because you, your spirit is made of eternal substance and does not cease to exist like the body. Your spirit that will never die is being fed right now through your eyes and other senses. Your skin feeds your spirit the feelings of touching things or things touching you. Your ears captures the sounds around you feeding them to your spirit. Your mouth feeds your spirit the different tastes that enter it. Your nose is the tunnel funneling the different odors it smells to your spirit. Your spirit is the eternal storage of you. You are a living eternal spirit book that will always contain who you are inside of it (Ps. 40:7, Heb. 10:7 examples).

This may be a time to slow down and think about what is written on the pages of your spirit book ignoring for now your physical body. I know your spirit is full of things forced upon your pages by the things out of your control and some things you purposely did in life causing them to be recorded in you whether good or bad. I want you to know you are in control of your spiritual book. You do have the power to decide how things are written inside of you and the way they are to be understood. Your spirit is diary with easily called upon memories of pictures, videos, sounds, and words from the earliest time to the present of things you have collected. You can be the narrator of your own life or outside influences can plant their desires like a puppet on their string of what they want to see you do. “I Want To Die” is not the desire you were first-born with, but later on things of this life push it upon you.

Death in this world will only disconnect you from the earth, which may seem to be enough, but it will not disconnect your spirit from the spirit world. You will still exist forever with what you did here still inside you – your works and others. Even though you are in spirit form after leaving this world you will still see, hear, talk, feel, taste, and touch directly to your eternal (unchangeable) spirit. Your body is the temporary vehicle of this world by which your eternal spirit absorbs the data from. You and I see everyday how the bodies are temporary from the young to the growing older. I have seen in the elderly the young fire of their spirit behind their aging eyes longing to get out and do the things they once did when they were young. Your spirit is the eternal vehicle to God’s realm, but only when released by death to the physical body or when He comes a second time to this earth to gather us home.

DIFFERENT STAGES OF DEATH

You may still feel like death is the answer to be finally rid of this world. It will pass you from this world sending you to the next, but you will be taking what is in you with you in the present with no second chances of release. There are two different kinds of deaths you and I will face. Your fleshly body can physically die returning to the earth ceasing to exist in time, but your spirit is released into the spirit world where there is no time going straight to the place your spirit fits. Your body will cease to exist like ashes blown out of sight by the wind, but your spirit, the real you, will fly towards the eternal place that matches the condition of your spirit when you left this world. Do “I Want To Die” taking with me want is inside me right now? You will take this world with you stored inside your unchanged spirit into the spirit world. Your solid existence will now be in your spirit there will be no longer a need of accumulating anything from seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, and smelling directly anymore for you are now eternally unchangeable like the angels. You will still be you without your earthly body.

You can decide right now to stop others from writing and influencing things written in your book of your spirit life. The world can do things to your body, but you have the power to lock your mind, heart, and soul on the inside to be what you want it to be. You are a child of God and you have His power to make free will choices no matter the level of evil against you. In the Bible there is a remarkable passage about a man who somehow allowed a legion of evil things to enter into the pages taking over the control of his spirit book inside him. It was clear to me he did not want to die in the present state he was in with those evil spirits. No matter how much they pushed him day and night to cut himself he would still not give into “I Want To Die“. When Jesus with God on the inside came near to him the tormented man made the choice to take his body full of those legions of evil spirits to face Almighty God. The man forced the things of this world to let go of his spiritual pen and gained the freedom to start writing in his own desires in his spirit book (Mark 5:6-13). I want you to read this passage yourself with your own spiritual eyes drinking in how you can live above the thoughts of “I Want To Die“. Allow the loneliness to be chased away.

This second death is not a ceasing to exist death, a going to sleep no consciousness, but a death of separation. We have experienced a death of separation from loved ones, pets, or other things in this life feeling the pain of sorrow and loss. This is as close to touching with understanding the second death of our spirit while still in this world. If you experience the second death you, your spirit, will be separated into a place that is considered to be death forever. The body is like a pencil that can be erased and your spirit is like a permanent magic marker that cannot be erased. The hurt, pain, sorrow, tears, and torment will be in your spirit which is eternal making the separation of suffering eternal in you (Lu. 16:23-31). This is the second death of separation and not a ceasing of existence or a sleep of no consciousness. You will be still alive never to sleep again, but you are separated to another eternal place worse than this temporary world you left. The bad things, the evil things, and horrors of this earth has no comparison to living eternally with the evil in the second death.

This earth is temporary and you can still fight for change, but the second death of the spirit is already a lost battle with no more chances to fight for change. What you have stored inside you now that makes you want to die is in a temporary phase. You do have a chance. Your flesh is trying to convince your spirit there is no way out other than dying. It is time for you to take hold of that which is inside you pulling it out of your book of your life and make it dead to your spirit, but you cannot do it alone completely.

You want to turn off the things inside your mind. You want them to go away. You want them to stop tormenting you. You just want some peace. You have tried drinking them away, but finding the fix is only temporary. The troubles are there waiting for you when the drinking has worn off. You are back to wishing for it to go away with the physical pains of the aftermath of drinking. Your frustration is now twice as much on your shoulders. You’re thinking if I could only stay drunk it would never return to torture me, but the money is not there to maintain that solution. The nowhere to go feeling opens the door to “I want to Die“.

The liquid of relaxation and other things that flows into your body is a feeling of a fix, but it is only a blanket pulled over your spirit hiding from your sight what is still there. The problems seem to go far away, but to return to the foot of your bed or in your front door. Your flesh was the intoxicated blanket and your spirit was the hiding child underneath. We have these adult like bodies carrying a spirit child inside them with a need of a more permanent fix. This is where death becomes a salesman selling the lies of a permanent solution or the only way out. Most do not want to admit it, but our child like spirit is desperate for pure true love beyond this world to engulf us that we can trust whole heartily.

How can I make it stop? I don’t feel like I have the ability to make it stop. I feel like I am totally surrounded with nowhere to go and with no one to turn to. No one sees my pain and suffering. They can only see my outside and when I try to share what is on the inside they don’t care. There is nothing, no one, no where that can help me. These are just a few things that gather around us, locking hands, and trying to block our view past them. I will agree with you. We all need more than ourselves and others to help us overcome the “I Want To Die” feeling. Somebody please help me.

The man I mentioned earlier whose spirit was surrounded by bad spirits voicing their desires all around him did the one thing that we all can do. They were polluting his soul. If we can get ourselves to the feet of Jesus. He is that someone greater than ourselves and others to help us overcome the “I Want To Die” thoughts and feelings. The man could not personally handle those evil spirits just like we feel overwhelmed, but he did not have to handle them by himself. He ran his body full of those dark evil thoughts and spirits down to the feet of Jesus who was full of God as God handled, Spirit to spirits, the sweet releasing freedom from the grip of darkness.

That is great for him, but how do I get to the feet of Jesus he is in heaven? Start speaking his name, Jesus, and pouring out what is written on your pages of your spirit to him. If you go after him like that man you will start to feel his presences fill the air about you. You will feel a powerful goose bump presences of light flowing over you and embracing you. Take all those bad things in your spirit book and tell him you don’t want to have anything to do with them anymore in the pages of your life. What you are doing is taking back your spirit book from the “I Want To Die” into your hands, turning around with it, and handing it to Jesus to help start writing good things in a new chapter of your life. This is the first step of your freedom. While you are saying his name, Jesus, and his presences is upon you, go past the first step of surrendering your body into surrendering your spirit to him. This is the power we all need on the inside to overcome the things on the outside removing the being alone and the relying on of others. Seeking Him first and His kingdom all these other things will be added unto you (Mtt. 6:33). You are headed towards the second birth that will save you from the second death while aiding you along through this life.

You and I need the right power inside of us to overcome and not be so dependent on others. The man had the legion of evil spirits trying to hold him hostage to their power. Jesus, the man, had the fullness of God in him bodily (Col. 2:9) showing him the free choices of the things in this life that he could choose. We all stand in this doorway of either having the voices of this world telling us what to do or we have God as our roommate showing us the right way. Don’t be alone with the wrong things talking into your ears. What do you have inside of you right now at this moment?

I called out to him, Jesus. I handed him my spirit book of eternal pages that could only be erased by his eternal Spirit because there is no power outside of him that can fix our spirit book inside of us. The world cannot erase it for it is written on eternal pages of a spirit. The devil cannot erase it because he is not the Creator, but a creation. I cannot erase it because I, too am just a creation and not God. I told him about those pages of torment and sins in my life repenting of never wanting to have anything to do with them again. He took my repentance and my spirit book into himself, erasing them with His blood through his name in water baptism (Acts 2:38). I surrendered in complete trust my spirit feeling him all over me then going inside of me deep into where my spirit was with a joy unspeakable embracing my heart, flowing upward and outward with His Spirit speaking the joy and praises in another language I did not learn helping me to express the fullness of His glory that the flesh of man cannot express, but by His Spirit.

Now, the “I Want To Die” is under the right understanding and the right control. Death from this life is still going to happen, but under the right control and the right timing with God inside. No longer do the voices of this world have the power to push you to die in a sinful condition that the second death of your spirit will send you to the eternal place of torment, but you can have a life that when you do die you go past the second death’s door straight into eternal Life’s door. Take back what rightfully belongs to you.

“I” still “Want To Die“, but to die the right death. You mean there is a right death as opposed to a wrong death? Yes, there is a right and wrong death. The wrong death is what we spoke of earlier dying with our spirit book full of bad and evil things. The right death is dying daily to those wrong things that want to enter into our spirit book after we have been born again. Our eternal pages of sin were erased by the blood eraser of Jesus Christ and He gave us His Spirit to guide us into all truth writing our eternal pages with the right things.

This is what I want you to be able to say with the authority of God backing you. “I Want To Die” the right death no longer living this life with my own or this world’s understandings, but by Jesus Christ who lives inside of me. The life that I now live in this body, I want to live by the faith, power, and guidance of Jesus Christ, who loved me and gave himself for me (Gal. 2:20, Ro. 8:14).

I, now, know that “I Want To Die” so that Jesus might live in me for I know when He lives in me the things written into my eternal pages has the greatest editor filtering the lies and deceptions of this world and the spirits that dwells in it. May you have the light of God inside your eyes and ears of your spirit leading you and guiding you with a story that all of heaven will long to hear.

See Blind Love

“Do you love something or someone?” a person may ask you. They are asking for a level of your affection. If you are ‘OK‘ with something or someone this could be considered as a low-level of neutral feelings. If you ‘like‘ something or someone this could be a step up to a medium level of fondness. If you ‘love‘ something or someone this could be thought as a high level of affection. These levels can be visualized as a thermostat control of ‘Low‘, ‘Medium‘, and ‘High‘ above the dial. The something or someone they asked you about may be on the first level of ‘OK‘ with the you could do with or without them having any effects on yourself. The second level of ‘like‘ may be something you want to keep, but if not the loss would not be overwhelming. The third level of ‘love‘ could effect you greatly depending on the depth of love inside of you. Love is the deepest of affection one could have towards something or someone. Loving something or someone has different levels and sides to it. You could be with a clearly seeing or a totally blind with your love.

“Love is Blind” is a statement some will say at times of deception, favoritism, or ambition. “Love is Seeing” could be a statement some one would say at times of absolute truth, pure balance, or without selfish intent. ‘Love‘ has more levels than we give it credit with seeing and blindness on each level waiting to takes its place in our lives.

Love is the looking upon something determining a wanting it decision, locking a desire upon it, and a longing energy towards it. The mind takes in the information, the heart forms the belief, and the soul applies the function/action of the will. For love to be true and pure in all three levels there must be an alignment and in one accord with each other for there to be clarity of sight without blindness. Blindness comes when anyone of these levels are excluded from the totality of the basis of your love upon something or someone. I apologize that was a little deep of a statement here in the beginning, but togetherness of our mind, heart, and soul in clarity is essential to all focusing their love upon someone or some thing.

The mind, the heart, and the soul are the three basic levels that love exists inside of us. Love can exist in the mind only dragging along behind it the heart and the soul. Love can exist in the heart with blackout glasses over the mind and the soul. Love can exist in the soul (will) leaving behind the mind and the heart. Love, also, can exist in the mind, the heart, and the soul making these three as one in complete unity.

Seeing is an ingredient on each level of the mind, heart, and soul with the potential of a clear sight of understanding and perception (all three can see). Blindness is an ingredient on each level of the mind, heart, and soul with the ability to deceive and hide if left unchecked. Without all three levels with clear sight blindness hinders your vision to the fullness of truth of what is before you. If you have one ingredient that is sweet and the other two ingredients are bitter the final outcome will be dominated by the bitter ingredients leaving an awful taste in your mouth. It would be like pouring fresh water into a glass and pouring sea water into the same glass. The salty sea water would corrupt the fresh water overtaking the freshness and converting it all into one bitter salty taste. They cannot exist together in the same glass without corrupting the other so it is with love in our mind, heart, and soul inside of us. We are the glass. The ingredients must be one in agreement for the completeness of love to be truly a sweet experience.

MIND – THOUGHTS/IDEA

You can love something or someone from your mind alone leaving the heart and soul in blindness. A young teenage boy saw a beautiful blonde teenage girl at school one day. He looked at her height, length of blonde hair, athletic body, the beautiful smile, and the care free laughter she would release in the school hallways. He took in all this information into his mind falling in love with the idea of her being his ideal girlfriend. His mind develops this dreamer’s dream of her being his girlfriend overtaking the heart and soul’s opinions. He went through all the steps of making himself available to her. He carried her books. He watched for her safety. He walked her to class every chance he could even at the sacrifice of being late to his own class. His mind drank deeply of her smile, her eyes, and her sweet personality. When the mind fantasizes it is a powerful thing. A lie can be a truth to that mind until the lie is challenged revealing the real truth.

After many months of being by her side as much as possible with her treating him as only a good friend the dream of his mind faced some thoughts of reality. He began to question the motives of his mind with all the sacrificial actions he had taken for this idea to come true. He sat down with himself bringing into the room his mind, his heart, and his soul together to do some self examinations. Realization connected on the table between his mind, heart, and soul producing the truth of the idea/thought of love for her. He only loved her with his thoughts. His mind was seeing only one side while he left his heart and soul in darkness. Now, the light was turned on for all three to see together with understanding and perception. It is not complete love when only one member agrees. The once dreamer lost his dream. He finally came to himself and stopped chasing after her understanding it was not true love and began to go to class like normal before her.

A few days went by without seeing this beautiful blonde girl at school to his surprise she had hunted him down in the hallway. She asked him why did he stop coming around her. His eyes were open seeing her as someone who had become accustomed and attached to his being her beck and call. She missed him not because she loved him with all three levels, but the love of his being there for her. He told her in explanation that the dreamer had lost his dream of her with a thank you for the times that they did spent together and that they would always be friends as she had kept it. This seeing reality of truth caused the young teenager never to look back again in her direction with his mind only.

This was his first lesson on infatuation on his own (hard knocks of life). A life lesson he was able break free from before getting out of control. His mind had subconsciously locked onto the admiration of her like an athlete going after a trophy. The input of his heart and his soul were the two ingredients that something was not right about the relationship. Can you recall something or someone your mind has locked onto the idea of loving it to find the reality was totally different? Loving something with your mind only is a perfect picture to understand with your eyes you can see, but your mind can be blind by its own thoughts of what it thinks to be the truth. This is how you can be blind on the inside and still have eyes that can see what is physically in front of you. All of our minds need assistance and help to stay on the track of truth.

HEART – BELIEF/BELIEVING

If one part of you is out of alignment (mind, heart, and soul) all kinds of chaos can occur in your life. I almost feel I could get an ‘Amen’ out of you who have had this kind of experience. A popular girl started coming around and started paying attention to this young man. He welcomed the attention of this beautiful cheerleader girl. Her kindness, joy, and enthusiasm swept him totally away. She no longer had to go find him for his attention for he was now finding her to get more of her attention. His heart was hooked and she was reeling his heart in like a fish. They started going places and doing things together. She laughed, smiled, batted her eyes, giggled, and many other cute gestures filling the air with sweet persuasion over his heart. He was totally caught up with believing in her outward appearance of love towards him. He would never believe she was anything else, but true and faithful to him. His mind and soul were locked out of the control room while the heart blindly drove recklessly his entire body.

He walked her to class and left her with plenty of time before the bell would ring. He had forgotten something and went back to find her hugging another guy and kissing him before class. He was drawn into her web of lies believing she was true to his heart. His mind and soul were blind following the belief of his heart alone. The heart alone could not see the truth fulfilling the blind leading the blind they both will fall into the ditch (Mtt. 15:14). The sight of her with another man shocked his mind back into reality and stopped the will of his soul for her anymore. His heart fell victim to a player and user of people. He had more pain this time around than he did before when his mind was in love because his heart of belief was totally wrapped around her to be the truth. The realization of seeing her betrayal and the dawning light the whole school saw her and not one soul attempted to save him, but allowed the evil game of his heart to continue. Another life lesson learned on his own without getting out of control or stuck with a life time of suffering with the wrong person.

SOUL – WILL/ACTION

Our soul has the will, action, and function of going forward with things in life. It is the driving life force of a decided direction and focus. A young man who had tasted the highs and lows of the world from intoxicating liquids, evil intended people, and other bad things turned his life over to God. His love for God was so strong his will was to be in the vocation of doing work for God alone. His driving force, his soul, was to do whatever it takes to be a full-time preacher of God because his love shut off his other member’s voices (mind and heart). His soul convinced his mind and heart to follow his will no matter the cost. It was a noble cause to do good, not evil, and be full-time in the ministry of God, but he needed all three (mind, heart, and soul) to be clear in understanding and perception.

He was willing to go and do whatever it took for the fulfillment of his own will. He moved out of his home state to another for the cause of training and becoming a full-time minister for God. His soul/will was driving his every move with his mind and heart following. He met an elderly gentleman who shared he had been in the ministry for twenty something years, but only from the pew. The older gentleman never was a pastor a church, hardly ever preached or taught. The young preacher said to himself he would not go twenty something years before accepting it was not meant to be for him. The young man continued on sheer will pushing forward to the day he would fulfill the love of his will to be a full-time minister for the God he loved.

Young ladies of the church and other churches would chase after him from the brunette, the blonde, and the crystal green eyes, but none had matched his will and focused destiny. The young man locked onto a preacher’s daughter. His driving will convinced his mind with facts about this young preacher’s daughter. She sings, plays an instrument, and faithful to church functions. His will for the ministry subconsciously saw her as a means to completing his soul’s desire. He took her as his wife believing this was the will for the ministry. The ingredient of blindness exists in all three levels no matter how good, bad, or noble the cause may be. The ingredient of seeing exists in all three levels if called upon. “Love is blind” when anyone of these are out of alignment of each other.

To fully see with perception and hear with understanding your mind, your heart, and your soul must be all aligned and link as one. You cannot love with your thoughts only and survive in happiness. You cannot love with your heart believing the surface only and avoid the sorrows of life. You cannot love with your soul only driving for a goal that is not meant for you. Each one of these levels separately will send you spiraling out of control looking, locking, and longing for the wrong things in life. The price you pay will be higher than what you are wanting to pay.

Truth is complete when all three are seeing. ‘Soulmate‘ was formed to try to identify what is like to have your mind, heart, and soul aligned with total agreement towards someone. It was a term to point out a completeness of all areas in their life was satisfied. It was claiming the mind has satisfactory interaction, the heart has complete in comfort, and the soul has the same walking side by side direction in life. It is rare in this life to witness this previous sentence of having equal thoughts, compassion, and goals. The majority of people make do with partial existence of different combinations of mind, heart, and soul. Those who try to walk the good path of life survive with their mind in control, their heart of hope of a better tomorrow, and their soul to persevere until the end. Those who are on the attempting to satisfy themselves path of life survive with filling their minds with lies, false highs (drugs, sex, money) to their heart, and directions with dead ends.

Would you like to experience having your mind, heart, and soul lined up without the ingredient of blindness playing a part? Would you like to experience complete trust without fear of a blind side attack? Would you like to feel the rare connection of being one like the ‘Soulmate‘ implies? Finding this experience in other people has very low chances as most of us have come to know, but there is a guaranteed of finding this connection in God. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8).

I always wondered at the depth of the greatest commandment of the Bible that you are to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Mtt. 22:37). As the scripture reads I have kept them separate and in their place. I have imagined my mind in my head, my heart in my chest, and my soul the living force through out my body. This was from a physical view of the mind, heart and soul. I never considered them to be as one. God knows when we line up our mind with truth, wrap our heart of belief around it, and put our soul/will into motion the complete peace of oneness merges with Him the giver of life and life more abundantly. When these three levels of love are in an alignment it creates a oneness of truth in thoughts, belief, and will that no force can break. This combination equals to God’s oneness towards us. This is why Jesus did what he did everyday for us. God and the man Jesus were complete as one in mind, heart, and soul/will.

The ‘Soulmate‘ experience can be found in God who sees you one hundred percent as you are and still wants to be in your life. He still wants your love to be one with His love sharing your heart, your soul, and your mind with His. He is not so far away from you like a person on the other side of the earth. He is doing things right now for you to easily seek Him, reach out to Him, and find Him because He is not far from any of us (Acts 17:27). He knows we can experience the completeness (Col. 2:10) we so long to look for desiring to lock ourselves as one into it.

This ‘Soulmate‘ with God begins by us joining Him in a relationship of oneness of heart, soul, and mind. Our mind, heart, and soul can become as one with God. He wants to welcome us into His family. The only way into God’s family and experience this oneness is to be born again. You can be born again leaving behind the deceptions, blindness, and false loves of this world. He will never leave you nor forsake you (Heb. 13:5). To enter into His family and a personal relationship with Him all we have to do is three things matching the mind, heart, and soul. We are to turn our backs on the wrong things in this life as he did, take on His name like a marriage in water baptism in Jesus name applying his blood shed on Calvary washing away our sins, and accepting His Spirit inside with our spirit allowing Him to be one with our voice speaking praises of freedom and worship with another language as He gives us what to speak (Acts 2:1-4, 38, 39). This is a powerful life changing experience opening your eyes at each level of love with your heart, your soul, and your mind.

Your struggles of surviving the levels of life you are living will be totally changed. If before God you were surviving with your mind over your present situation. You will now have your heart and soul comforted together with God in all three. If before God you were surviving with your heart of hop of a better tomorrow will come. You will now have the peace of mind and completeness of soul together with God in all three. If before God you were surviving with the sheer will of your soul. You will now have your thoughts filled with goodness and your heart filled with joy together with God in all three. You will have the best roommate inside your body with your spirit than anyone could have in this world.

Don’t struggle any more alone inside your body, seek God, and allow the light to chase away the blindness on each level opening the eyes of your mind, heart, and soul as one to the best experience of love that could happen right inside you.