It is not that I cannot speak words or make intelligent sounds with my vocal cords. The same words I have spoken to you are easily understood by others. As I have spoken my words to you I have listened to them very carefully coming out of my mouth checking them to be clear. I have tried every word in the scales of my mind to be simple or complex with a total desire to communicate clearly with you. Yet, “I Can’t Talk to You” expecting you to be on the same page with a good response.
I have looked into your eyes watching for any recognition and signs of understanding with every sounding word traveling into your hearing. I wanted you to understand so badly that I began trying different methods to reach you. I wanted to see the light bulb of your understanding come on inside your eyes. I have tried every idea that I could possibly come up with to connect from my every day common thoughts to you like a bridge joining with equal understanding.
I searched and examined myself looking for anything that could be the cause of you not understanding the meaning of my words, thoughts, and sentences. Where could I be going wrong? What was I leaving out? Why am I not able to convey and share with you the things upon my heart? How am I not reaching you, I would ask myself. It was a torturous self examination desperately looking for answers and solutions on my side.
I understand the different levels of people’s mind. I know in a classroom there are students that are really fast, some medium, and some slow learners. I applied that understanding with more attempts in reaching your understanding. It was crucial to me for you to be on the same page as me. It is not a “belittling you” effort on my part, but a connection of understanding effort to remove the being alone feeling. I never realize how lonely a person could be in a marriage through no understanding and perception talking.
Talking is something we all learn to speak in the language we grew up in communicating with others. It is very simple to use if you have several words in your mind. A person would think “there is no loneliness” everyone talks. That is not true, just because you can talk the substance and content of the conversation that does not mean you are connecting in understanding and perception. Without the connection of understanding and perception the words in the talk come back to you empty or as nonsense.
“I Can’t Talk to You” even though your ears hear me, but do not understand what I you saying. Your words in response are far from the area of thought I am sharing. Your mind works on a completely different direction far from what I consider common sense. Your advice is completely off track and offers no real good answer. A feeling of being alone begins to saturate the spirit side of my life. The realization takes hold that “I am alone” with a partner who cannot help. If you do not understand how can you help?
No matter how hard I try using any and all methods from a variety of sources you still cannot hear me with understanding. I try and I try to talk to you, but it is like there is a wall between you and me. I have searched my own soul and I have no wall of my own. I want an open two way street of communications, but you have a wall to your own world. Your mind has a view of the world 90% from your own perspective and the other 10% is to small for you to consider. It is your world and I have tried to live in it sacrificing mine own freedom.
Why is it “I Can’t Talk to You” so important? You may think of being together is enough, working together to possess things like a house, vehicles, utilities, and other things that catches your eyes. There is whole lot more important things than material and status quo to life. The routine of daily going to work, returning home, and evening routines is all that matters matching your world according to your thoughts only. Raising children and the playing house concept is all you think there is to life, but in reality it is only a part and not the whole.
The “I Can’t Talk to You” is not the physical part of life, but the part of the inward person of thoughts, feelings, and personal goals. You can be lying right beside someone physically and still be alone spiritually. Our bodies can be interacting with the physical things of life, but the inward person needs the same connections. God has given us a spirit inside these bodies that must grow in knowledge and accomplishments. The physical body will die, but our spirit will retain everything said and done in this life for all eternity.
The “I Can’t Talk to You” is the part that sees with the eyes, hear with the ears, and the inspired thoughts with a desire to share. One tiny example of thousands of attempted thoughts: One can see a beautiful sunset with a positive observation and another can see in a negative way that there are to many clouds. The many years of attempts to connect with the same level or close to the same level can push a person to the place of finally accepting “I Can’t Talk to You” and “why try anymore“. Your mind is locked into seeing only what you want.
DYING QUIETLY and SLOWLY
I understand why some people start becoming silent as they grow older. Their answers become just a few words to satisfy the other speaking. They sit there silently in the living room occupying themselves trying to be a presence of socialism. Their thoughts have gone silent from their lips to the lonely world of their mind. They have succumb to the “I Can’t Talk to You” and to a physical routine of going through the motions of expected actions. Life becomes robotic duties fulfilling only what needs to be done and finding reasons to be truly alone. You have become just a roommate to tolerate in the home that has become an apartment.
When the sun goes down of expectations inside a person and the dreamer has lost their dream in life an empty shell develops longing for freedom to at least live life the way they want to, but only remaining because of self honor, integrity, kindness, mercy, and doing the right thing. The daily routine becomes just what is expected to maintain the existences of the possessions they have and no more looking for adult conversations. The hope of communicating resigns to the fact “I Can’t Talk to You” and expect a practical response.
A LIFE OF HOPE
The ideas of a good life vary from one person to the next. Some of the basics of most reasonable people is to find someone who completes them physically and spiritually. A person who helps them with their desires of their flesh and the desires of their mind. A balance of togetherness of mind and body is the perfect marriage. Some want a partner for their body, for security, for status quo, as a means to an end goal, for money, for bragging rights, just not to be physically alone, and many more other reasons with selfish intent.
People have the expectation whether they are conscious or subconsciously have a hope for satisfying encounters. This hope and believing is the dream or desire in the eyes and the heart that sparks the commitment in almost all of us. People see each other with a “want“. It could be I “want” you in my life or I “want” you far from me. The “want” sparks the journey to find that someone that completes you or the idea of what you think completes you.
You are excited to have someone by your side on this life journey to share completely both physically and spiritually, which is the inward person’s thoughts. It is the pinnacle of “I am not alone” anymore. This is where a “blindness” sets in not truly seeing the unknown layers and intentions of a person’s mind. You are living a life of hope in finding a true oneness relationship.
TIME OF UNBALANCE
A person goes into a relationship believing the connection will complete them and balance the needs in their life. Some may have a need for the physical, but a stronger need for sharing thoughts and ideas. Some may enter the relationship for only physical attraction and mystery. People have things in their lives with the hope someone else can answer that need. Both people in the relationship needs help from their partner with things.
We see each other as answers only to find out later we were partially correct or completely wrong. The changing someone plan goes into motion using different methods to reaching that goal. This is where you find out “I Can’t Talk to You” or “you can’t fix my needs“. The hard cold reality over a long time reveals this is out of your control and the only hope of change is in the hands God only. This is the point the dreamer loses their dreams and expectations letting them go for whatever the future may hold.
Throughout the years a person lives on the hope things will change denying the daily repeating of the actions and words of the other. The daily efforts wrapped up with belief are continually rejected to being the same as you slowly come to the conclusion “I Can’t Talk to You“. The feelings of loneliness and emptiness start rising to the surface stealing away what you thought in the beginning was a fulfilling life. You watch your dream slowly falling from the sky in your mind, heart, and soul.
Maybe, this is why grandpa and grandma did not sit next to each lost in a conversation. Maybe, this is why the only time they were in the same room was because of the children. Maybe, this is why dad was always out in the garage or out in the yard doing something all the time. Maybe, this is why they seem to be always working. How many examples can you remember that may fit the “I Can’t Talk to You“?
The “I Can’t Talk to You” can be on different levels of intellect, emotions, and attitudes, but the separation is still there. Some people actually thinks this is normal for a relationship. They have seen it in their grandparents, their parents, and try to have the same in their marriage, which you do not see or pick up on during the dating days with them. The dating days had a glow and outward shine of hope, but quickly changed after you had been captured and vowed.
WHAT DO YOU DO
The answer depends on what kind of person you are. What do you mean it “depends on what kind of person” I am? What is the level of your personal code of ethics? This is the place where you decide what is right or wrong for you to do and live with the actions you have taken. Analyzing the ramifications on the person, past the person to their family, friends, co-workers, and social media.
Are they bad enough to leave the relationship? Are they harmful enough to affect your physical and/or spiritual health? Are they over your limit to tolerate daily? If you have children you can ask the same questions with them in mind. What sacrifices do you see that would be wrong and harmful?
If they are not bad enough to leave then are you staying for the children for the purpose to try to guide them away from the traits of your partner that you don’t want them to have in their lives? Are you staying because you have a code of never quitting? Are you staying because you have no where else to go? Are you staying because you value what the Bible says above their actions? Are you staying because you feel sorry for them and it would kill them if you left and others?
At this point what you are facing is to either adapt or leave. The “bad enough” answer is at the level of physical or spiritual harms way. The not “bad enough” answer is at the level of putting a long term game plan in place for yourself. Whatever the answer may be the change of survival will need to be put in place or a drifting lost at sea without a sail will set in.
NOT BAD ENOUGH
If you answered “bad enough” to leave that is an entire subject all by itself, but you still can gleam things to do. “Not bad enough” is a survival mode that implies doing what needs to be done like two roommates renting an apartment. There will be two words that will be key to your survival. “Occupying” will be a key word along with the word “adapting“.
I don’t care how much a person goes to church, counseling, reads self helps, listens or watches advice given by others change will not come unless the person sees themselves clearly, understands perfectly, and turns on the will power of “I want to change“. Pharaoh had ten horrible plagues from God and his change was but for a moment and he slipped quickly back into his old way of thinking bringing death upon himself and others. Don’t tell me people will change because that is one hundred percent on them and God.
When you know after years of trying that this is the way they are and how they will always think to maintain your sanity sake you probably have already entered into an occupying and adapting mode. The first place I would recommend going for some relief is a deep relationship with God and His word. Start a journey of exploring His world and His word. Another thing you have to do is find an outlet to release your thoughts to someone you can talk to with a level of understanding.
Find good things to occupy yourself daily in life while you do your duties for the one at home who is disconnected to your world. Maintain a pleasing to God attitude, which brings satisfaction while doing what is right by the partner you had chosen. Search out yourself in understanding “why” you chose this partner and “how” you missed seeing their true nature while dating. The understanding will give you a solid ground of knowledge to stand on for the adapting part you must do.
Those in the “not bad enough” category face the toughest choice of life here on earth. You know divorce is not a good answer and death is not a good answer. Sacrifice is the life you are living with as time counts down your days of living here on earth not doing the things you longed to do. You are most noble in the attitude that your partner is God’s son or daughter and they can’t help the way they are or the bad choice they believe is right. This is knowledge that will help you keep your sanity and not sinning against God or others.
You are extremely blessed if you have friends to talk with who are on the same page as you. You are extremely blessed if you have someone who gets your humor and laughs freely with you. You are extremely blessed if you have someone who loves the same topics and hobbies you do. If you have any of these heed my advice and fight to keep these relationships during times of trouble and misunderstandings because they are at a reachable level of understanding with you.
Starting a prayer life with God, which is simply a fellowship time with Him, will ease the loneliness and emptiness you seek from people. Reading and listening to God’s word with a mind set of hearing something and seeing something He specifically has for you. Going to church with the same mind set of hearing and seeing something God has for you. God used a burning bush, a donkey, a rooster, and other things to get understandings across to people. Find your burning bush, your donkey, and your rooster in life God has for you to grow from.
The “bad enough” category is for those who have a spouse who is running around having sex with others (Mtt. 19:9 “…whoever divorces…except for formication/immorality…”) opens the Biblical divorce door of escape. Another place God allowed into His Bible to be said was if a spouse who is an unbeliever of God should depart, let him depart and you are not under bondage in such cases (1 Cor. 7:15). This scripture is more under the “Not Bad Enough” category in the sense of if the believing spouse is pleased to dwell with them then don’t divorce because the believing spouse acts as a sanctification/ for them and the children (1 Cor. 7:12-14).
There is a great deal of opinions in the world concerning these scriptures and I understand the concerns, but we must take the scriptures as much as they are without opinions of man. Some people are in real bad situations that most other people do not live with daily nor feel the sufferings they do. It is easy to preach, give advice, and judge from your recliner while not being in the situation physically.
This is where we all can present what we believe from the scriptures in kindness and love, but the choice is down to the person in the situation and talking with God making their own decision. Let a person examine themselves (2 Cor. 13:5) and “…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling” (Phil. 2:12). We all will stand before God individually and no one will be able to negotiate for us before God.
There are other abuses that warrant a divorce. I understand God will not let you suffer above what you are able to handle, but will make a way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13). There is physical and verbal abuse that could warrant a divorce. If you have any doubts of the levels of physical and verbal abuse try to get permission to do a ride along with a patrol officer and you will change your mind quickly. God has a forgiveness that surpasses all of our understandings.
LIVE AS BEST AS YOU CAN
We are in the last days God told us would come. People will love themselves more than others, greedy, braggadocios, proud, no respect, rebellious, unthankful, immoral, without natural affections, liars, false witnesses, malicious gossipers, haters of good, traitors, reckless, conceited, and lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God (2 Tim. 3:1-4). This is the condition we are in today and we have to be careful not to allow the influence to make us bitter for the already struggle that we are in.
“I Can’t Talk to You” maybe your condition with your partner, but don’t let it be with God. They maybe closed to you, but God is always open for you. This is the time of all days to try God. The tomorrows are looking rough and the time is short before God allows more things to come upon mankind such as never seen before. A personal grounded relationship God is crucial to your survival.
Things are not only happening in the world, but also in the churches. People are walking away from God listening to these lying seducing spirits believing teachings of devils, becoming voices for the lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared and separated from God. They will start with mandates, forbidding, and abstain from meat, which was a God given right to be thankful for and knowing what is the truth (1 Tim. 4:1-4).
Lock onto God and He will lock onto you from which no one can remove you from Him (Jn. 10:28). If have never tried God and His salvation you can simply follow this scripture fulfilling the born again of the water and of the spirit. “Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.” (Acts 2:38).