Unseen – Past the Surface

I Can’t Talk to You

It is not that I cannot speak words or make intelligent sounds with my vocal cords. The same words I have spoken to you are easily understood by others. As I have spoken my words to you I have listened to them very carefully coming out of my mouth checking them to be clear. I have tried every word in the scales of my mind to be simple or complex with a total desire to communicate clearly with you. Yet, “I Can’t Talk to You” expecting you to be on the same page with a good response.

I have looked into your eyes watching for any recognition and signs of understanding with every sounding word traveling into your hearing. I wanted you to understand so badly that I began trying different methods to reach you. I wanted to see the light bulb of your understanding come on inside your eyes. I have tried every idea that I could possibly come up with to connect from my every day common thoughts to you like a bridge joining with equal understanding.

I searched and examined myself looking for anything that could be the cause of you not understanding the meaning of my words, thoughts, and sentences. Where could I be going wrong? What was I leaving out? Why am I not able to convey and share with you the things upon my heart? How am I not reaching you, I would ask myself. It was a torturous self examination desperately looking for answers and solutions on my side.

I understand the different levels of people’s mind. I know in a classroom there are students that are really fast, some medium, and some slow learners. I applied that understanding with more attempts in reaching your understanding. It was crucial to me for you to be on the same page as me. It is not a “belittling you” effort on my part, but a connection of understanding effort to remove the being alone feeling. I never realize how lonely a person could be in a marriage through no understanding and perception talking.

Talking is something we all learn to speak in the language we grew up in communicating with others. It is very simple to use if you have several words in your mind. A person would think “there is no loneliness” everyone talks. That is not true, just because you can talk the substance and content of the conversation that does not mean you are connecting in understanding and perception. Without the connection of understanding and perception the words in the talk come back to you empty or as nonsense.

“I Can’t Talk to You” even though your ears hear me, but do not understand what I you saying. Your words in response are far from the area of thought I am sharing. Your mind works on a completely different direction far from what I consider common sense. Your advice is completely off track and offers no real good answer. A feeling of being alone begins to saturate the spirit side of my life. The realization takes hold that “I am alone” with a partner who cannot help. If you do not understand how can you help?

No matter how hard I try using any and all methods from a variety of sources you still cannot hear me with understanding. I try and I try to talk to you, but it is like there is a wall between you and me. I have searched my own soul and I have no wall of my own. I want an open two way street of communications, but you have a wall to your own world. Your mind has a view of the world 90% from your own perspective and the other 10% is to small for you to consider. It is your world and I have tried to live in it sacrificing mine own freedom.

Why is it “I Can’t Talk to You” so important? You may think of being together is enough, working together to possess things like a house, vehicles, utilities, and other things that catches your eyes. There is whole lot more important things than material and status quo to life. The routine of daily going to work, returning home, and evening routines is all that matters matching your world according to your thoughts only. Raising children and the playing house concept is all you think there is to life, but in reality it is only a part and not the whole.

The “I Can’t Talk to You” is not the physical part of life, but the part of the inward person of thoughts, feelings, and personal goals. You can be lying right beside someone physically and still be alone spiritually. Our bodies can be interacting with the physical things of life, but the inward person needs the same connections. God has given us a spirit inside these bodies that must grow in knowledge and accomplishments. The physical body will die, but our spirit will retain everything said and done in this life for all eternity.

The “I Can’t Talk to You” is the part that sees with the eyes, hear with the ears, and the inspired thoughts with a desire to share. One tiny example of thousands of attempted thoughts: One can see a beautiful sunset with a positive observation and another can see in a negative way that there are to many clouds. The many years of attempts to connect with the same level or close to the same level can push a person to the place of finally accepting “I Can’t Talk to You” and “why try anymore“. Your mind is locked into seeing only what you want.

DYING QUIETLY and SLOWLY

I understand why some people start becoming silent as they grow older. Their answers become just a few words to satisfy the other speaking. They sit there silently in the living room occupying themselves trying to be a presence of socialism. Their thoughts have gone silent from their lips to the lonely world of their mind. They have succumb to the “I Can’t Talk to You” and to a physical routine of going through the motions of expected actions. Life becomes robotic duties fulfilling only what needs to be done and finding reasons to be truly alone. You have become just a roommate to tolerate in the home that has become an apartment.

When the sun goes down of expectations inside a person and the dreamer has lost their dream in life an empty shell develops longing for freedom to at least live life the way they want to, but only remaining because of self honor, integrity, kindness, mercy, and doing the right thing. The daily routine becomes just what is expected to maintain the existences of the possessions they have and no more looking for adult conversations. The hope of communicating resigns to the fact “I Can’t Talk to You” and expect a practical response.

A LIFE OF HOPE

The ideas of a good life vary from one person to the next. Some of the basics of most reasonable people is to find someone who completes them physically and spiritually. A person who helps them with their desires of their flesh and the desires of their mind. A balance of togetherness of mind and body is the perfect marriage. Some want a partner for their body, for security, for status quo, as a means to an end goal, for money, for bragging rights, just not to be physically alone, and many more other reasons with selfish intent.

People have the expectation whether they are conscious or subconsciously have a hope for satisfying encounters. This hope and believing is the dream or desire in the eyes and the heart that sparks the commitment in almost all of us. People see each other with a “want“. It could be I “want” you in my life or I “want” you far from me. The “want” sparks the journey to find that someone that completes you or the idea of what you think completes you.

You are excited to have someone by your side on this life journey to share completely both physically and spiritually, which is the inward person’s thoughts. It is the pinnacle of “I am not alone” anymore. This is where a “blindness” sets in not truly seeing the unknown layers and intentions of a person’s mind. You are living a life of hope in finding a true oneness relationship.

TIME OF UNBALANCE

A person goes into a relationship believing the connection will complete them and balance the needs in their life. Some may have a need for the physical, but a stronger need for sharing thoughts and ideas. Some may enter the relationship for only physical attraction and mystery. People have things in their lives with the hope someone else can answer that need. Both people in the relationship needs help from their partner with things.

We see each other as answers only to find out later we were partially correct or completely wrong. The changing someone plan goes into motion using different methods to reaching that goal. This is where you find out “I Can’t Talk to You” or “you can’t fix my needs“. The hard cold reality over a long time reveals this is out of your control and the only hope of change is in the hands God only. This is the point the dreamer loses their dreams and expectations letting them go for whatever the future may hold.

Throughout the years a person lives on the hope things will change denying the daily repeating of the actions and words of the other. The daily efforts wrapped up with belief are continually rejected to being the same as you slowly come to the conclusion “I Can’t Talk to You“. The feelings of loneliness and emptiness start rising to the surface stealing away what you thought in the beginning was a fulfilling life. You watch your dream slowly falling from the sky in your mind, heart, and soul.

Maybe, this is why grandpa and grandma did not sit next to each lost in a conversation. Maybe, this is why the only time they were in the same room was because of the children. Maybe, this is why dad was always out in the garage or out in the yard doing something all the time. Maybe, this is why they seem to be always working. How many examples can you remember that may fit the “I Can’t Talk to You“?

The “I Can’t Talk to You” can be on different levels of intellect, emotions, and attitudes, but the separation is still there. Some people actually thinks this is normal for a relationship. They have seen it in their grandparents, their parents, and try to have the same in their marriage, which you do not see or pick up on during the dating days with them. The dating days had a glow and outward shine of hope, but quickly changed after you had been captured and vowed.

WHAT DO YOU DO

The answer depends on what kind of person you are. What do you mean it “depends on what kind of person” I am? What is the level of your personal code of ethics? This is the place where you decide what is right or wrong for you to do and live with the actions you have taken. Analyzing the ramifications on the person, past the person to their family, friends, co-workers, and social media.

Are they bad enough to leave the relationship? Are they harmful enough to affect your physical and/or spiritual health? Are they over your limit to tolerate daily? If you have children you can ask the same questions with them in mind. What sacrifices do you see that would be wrong and harmful?

If they are not bad enough to leave then are you staying for the children for the purpose to try to guide them away from the traits of your partner that you don’t want them to have in their lives? Are you staying because you have a code of never quitting? Are you staying because you have no where else to go? Are you staying because you value what the Bible says above their actions? Are you staying because you feel sorry for them and it would kill them if you left and others?

At this point what you are facing is to either adapt or leave. The “bad enough” answer is at the level of physical or spiritual harms way. The not “bad enough” answer is at the level of putting a long term game plan in place for yourself. Whatever the answer may be the change of survival will need to be put in place or a drifting lost at sea without a sail will set in.

NOT BAD ENOUGH

If you answered “bad enough” to leave that is an entire subject all by itself, but you still can gleam things to do. “Not bad enough” is a survival mode that implies doing what needs to be done like two roommates renting an apartment. There will be two words that will be key to your survival. “Occupying” will be a key word along with the word “adapting“.

I don’t care how much a person goes to church, counseling, reads self helps, listens or watches advice given by others change will not come unless the person sees themselves clearly, understands perfectly, and turns on the will power of “I want to change“. Pharaoh had ten horrible plagues from God and his change was but for a moment and he slipped quickly back into his old way of thinking bringing death upon himself and others. Don’t tell me people will change because that is one hundred percent on them and God.

When you know after years of trying that this is the way they are and how they will always think to maintain your sanity sake you probably have already entered into an occupying and adapting mode. The first place I would recommend going for some relief is a deep relationship with God and His word. Start a journey of exploring His world and His word. Another thing you have to do is find an outlet to release your thoughts to someone you can talk to with a level of understanding.

Find good things to occupy yourself daily in life while you do your duties for the one at home who is disconnected to your world. Maintain a pleasing to God attitude, which brings satisfaction while doing what is right by the partner you had chosen. Search out yourself in understanding “why” you chose this partner and “how” you missed seeing their true nature while dating. The understanding will give you a solid ground of knowledge to stand on for the adapting part you must do.

Those in the “not bad enough” category face the toughest choice of life here on earth. You know divorce is not a good answer and death is not a good answer. Sacrifice is the life you are living with as time counts down your days of living here on earth not doing the things you longed to do. You are most noble in the attitude that your partner is God’s son or daughter and they can’t help the way they are or the bad choice they believe is right. This is knowledge that will help you keep your sanity and not sinning against God or others.

You are extremely blessed if you have friends to talk with who are on the same page as you. You are extremely blessed if you have someone who gets your humor and laughs freely with you. You are extremely blessed if you have someone who loves the same topics and hobbies you do. If you have any of these heed my advice and fight to keep these relationships during times of trouble and misunderstandings because they are at a reachable level of understanding with you.

Starting a prayer life with God, which is simply a fellowship time with Him, will ease the loneliness and emptiness you seek from people. Reading and listening to God’s word with a mind set of hearing something and seeing something He specifically has for you. Going to church with the same mind set of hearing and seeing something God has for you. God used a burning bush, a donkey, a rooster, and other things to get understandings across to people. Find your burning bush, your donkey, and your rooster in life God has for you to grow from.

BAD ENOUGH

The “bad enough” category is for those who have a spouse who is running around having sex with others (Mtt. 19:9 “…whoever divorces…except for formication/immorality…”) opens the Biblical divorce door of escape. Another place God allowed into His Bible to be said was if a spouse who is an unbeliever of God should depart, let him depart and you are not under bondage in such cases (1 Cor. 7:15). This scripture is more under the “Not Bad Enough” category in the sense of if the believing spouse is pleased to dwell with them then don’t divorce because the believing spouse acts as a sanctification/ for them and the children (1 Cor. 7:12-14).

There is a great deal of opinions in the world concerning these scriptures and I understand the concerns, but we must take the scriptures as much as they are without opinions of man. Some people are in real bad situations that most other people do not live with daily nor feel the sufferings they do. It is easy to preach, give advice, and judge from your recliner while not being in the situation physically.

This is where we all can present what we believe from the scriptures in kindness and love, but the choice is down to the person in the situation and talking with God making their own decision. Let a person examine themselves (2 Cor. 13:5) and “…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling” (Phil. 2:12). We all will stand before God individually and no one will be able to negotiate for us before God.

There are other abuses that warrant a divorce. I understand God will not let you suffer above what you are able to handle, but will make a way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13). There is physical and verbal abuse that could warrant a divorce. If you have any doubts of the levels of physical and verbal abuse try to get permission to do a ride along with a patrol officer and you will change your mind quickly. God has a forgiveness that surpasses all of our understandings.

LIVE AS BEST AS YOU CAN

We are in the last days God told us would come. People will love themselves more than others, greedy, braggadocios, proud, no respect, rebellious, unthankful, immoral, without natural affections, liars, false witnesses, malicious gossipers, haters of good, traitors, reckless, conceited, and lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God (2 Tim. 3:1-4). This is the condition we are in today and we have to be careful not to allow the influence to make us bitter for the already struggle that we are in.

“I Can’t Talk to You” maybe your condition with your partner, but don’t let it be with God. They maybe closed to you, but God is always open for you. This is the time of all days to try God. The tomorrows are looking rough and the time is short before God allows more things to come upon mankind such as never seen before. A personal grounded relationship God is crucial to your survival.

Things are not only happening in the world, but also in the churches. People are walking away from God listening to these lying seducing spirits believing teachings of devils, becoming voices for the lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared and separated from God. They will start with mandates, forbidding, and abstain from meat, which was a God given right to be thankful for and knowing what is the truth (1 Tim. 4:1-4).

Lock onto God and He will lock onto you from which no one can remove you from Him (Jn. 10:28). If have never tried God and His salvation you can simply follow this scripture fulfilling the born again of the water and of the spirit. “Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.” (Acts 2:38).

Nobody Knows

There is no human being in the past, present, or future that knows in one hundred percent details of what is going on deep down inside your mind, heart, and soul except for one who is no longer here physically. Right now as you are reading these words sitting in a chair, laying on the bed, waiting for the bus to arrive, or at the kitchen table only you know the thoughts and feelings you are having at this moment. If there are people around you your thoughts and feeling are not being broadcast for anyone and everyone to see.

If you should even attempt to concentrate to broadcast your thoughts and feelings they will still go unnoticed and unheard. How many times have you stared into someone’s face while they are talking and the thoughts you are having would get you into trouble if they were broadcast out loud instantly? Most people rely upon body language to try to see inside others practicing a guessing game at what thoughts and feelings you are having, but never truly seeing one hundred percent details of your mind, heart, and soul.

The brother or sister you fought with growing up hearing you say, “I hate you” did not truly see the entire inside your mind and heart. The words could have been spoken because they were leaving you behind and the intention was just one more time give me some last-minute attention before you go, instead of “I hate you” and “I wish you would die” intentions. They did not see the broken heart and the inside tears dripping from the thoughts you are leaving me all alone. They did not see the hole that pulled away from your heart as they walked away. The reality of how much they were a part of the love in your heart surprises even yourself increasing the sorrow of “I did not realize until now” they are leaving. Nobody sees the engulfing defeating pain of “It is too late now” and “there is no second chance“. They only see the outside of facial and body language with no clue to the depth of suffering occurring right before their eyes hidden inside of you. Your spirit is not broadcasting one hundred percent of what is truly going on the inside of your body only the outward physical actions are dropping hints.

A great majority of people don’t even see with understanding the outward hints of the facial or physical clues. On top of that a great majority of people just don’t care, which is one of the saddest things on earth. There is a beauty to seeing and connecting to the inward parts of a person that go beyond descriptive words anyone could ever speak outwardly. There is a world inside each person that has mountains, valleys, rivers, slums, cities, towns, schools, jails, court rooms, execution rooms, happy places, war-torn zones, tombstones, sunrise, sunsets, rain, snow, teddy bears, snakes, horses, dogs, cats, birds, lakes, oceans, caves, and many more things.

Night has come and everyone has done their routine before bed as you lay down and the lights go out. Nobody knows as you silently lay there on your pillow the small trickling thoughts start flowing down your little creek bed as the water increases to overflowing your banks, out your eyes, down your check silently dripping and soaking into your pillow in the covered darkness of night. Even if you have someone beside you there is no broadcasting out loud the pain and suffering you are silently enduring. The bombing thoughts of something you love that is going away explodes all around you feeling powerless to stop the bombs falling from the sky. In the silence of the night inside your mind and heart an entire war can be erupting with a deafening sound to a hearing ear the horrific sites you see and “Nobody knows“. You lay there in a fox hole hoping the morning when and if you wake up to everything will be changed.

Inside your mind, heart, and spirit is an unlimited world that ‘Nobody knows‘ truly exists. Your body walks by the cubicles at work, the doorways, through the warehouse, down the assembly lines, or the saw-tables with every person absent-minded of the spirit of suffering inside. They see an outward smile you have practiced and hear words of greetings you have perfected, but the dying lonely spirit inside goes unseen and unheard.

As you walk with one foot falling out front with the other foot swinging into place in front of the other creating a forward motion for the body while the mind is frozen into place with heart pounding shock. The thoughts will not come for the numbness has them locked up. The pressure from deep down below begins to push its way upward as they reach the outlet at the top spilling out over the bottom eye lid. To the outside world water flows downhill naturally, but the hidden inward world of a hurting soul the water flows upward pushing up, out, and then down onto the cheek beside the nose to the chin dripping its brokenness. Who can truly see inside the house of flesh the details for the reason of suffering? Who truly cares to know in all purity of intentions? You body begins to stumble as you walk being a reflection to the staggering soul within. You want to help them so bad, but there are no ideas only emptiness with tormenting sorrow for the nothingness that can be done. Everything around you is totally oblivious to what is happening on the inside and you find yourself in place wondering ‘how did I get here?‘

Everyone leaves the house hearing the last person shut the door “Nobody Knows” your back leans against the wall sliding down to sitting on the floor as your arms prop onto your knees with your hands catching your face with streaming tears pouring into your hands as a deep mourning cry begins to burst forth with an utterance and a language that cannot be translated. You fall forward crawling towards the bed, couch, or chair dripping the tears of heartache and wishes. You dedicated many years of your life to saving that someone finding with all your efforts, sacrifices, and denying of personal happiness they walk away from you straight into the fire you wished to save and protect them from the burning pain. The wall holds no record broadcasting the memory of your sorrow. The floor, bed, couch, or chair does not highlight or glow the dripping spots of your tears to the evidence of your hidden tormenting brokenness.

Inside your body there is a gathering around your heart “Nobody Knows“. They have come together to crush your spirit with the past, present, and the future. Loneliness joins hands with powerlessness, powerlessness locks hands with sadness, sadness joins regret-fullness, regret-fullness joins with unfulfilled, unfulfilled with emptiness, nowhere to go and no answer in sight closes the circle around your heart starting the squeezing pressure of no tomorrow for you. ‘Why doesn’t someone truly see me?’, ‘Why does no one come to my help?’, ‘Why, am I so invisible?’

I am lonely with a loneliness physical gratification is not enough. The relationships that started quickly, a dream come true, a long time coming, too good to be true, played, and got together for the wrong reasons plagues the memories of a soul is something “Nobody Knows” the deep scars left inside the hidden spirit under our flesh. The physical plays only a band-aid part, but not the completeness of the cure. There is a hunger and thirst that goes far beyond the limits of this lonely house of flesh we live in.

Your spirit is inside your house of flesh. No one can truly look in through your windows seeing one hundred percent in details what your spirit is doing, thinking, or feeling on the inside. You can be shoulder to shoulder at a concert with someone thinking of dying inches away from your spirit and you would never know it. They could be sitting in the chair next to you with a broken heart of despair and you would never know it. They can be a well-known person in the public’s eye with a spirit of detrimental loneliness that you would never know. They can be handsome, beautiful, pretty, short, tall, and ugly by the world’s outward judgments, but inside “Nobody Knows” the true positive or negative form. They can be presidents, secretaries, doctors, lawyers, cashiers, nurses, carpenters, farmers, technologist, pastors, priests, choir members, coaches, husbands wives, roommates you see every day and yet “Nobody Knows” the suffering of their souls.

What do you live for? What is it you get up every morning to live for? What keeps you going on the outside though your insides are broken and torn? What holds you together? Do you think you will ever find complete happiness? Will the morning come that you wake up and all will be as you have dreamed it would be?

If deep down your answers to the above questions have a short coming to your expectations what can you do about it? Powerlessness may step up and say, ‘I cannot change others and the world I have tried them and on me‘. You are looking on the outside. Trusting people to be the hero that saves you at the end of the day is the fantasy you wish to see, but only fulfilled on make-believe shows. People will fail us because it is in all of our natures. Today you will not find many in this world that can walk by you and see the real you, stopping in the crowd, turning to you, and inviting you to eat with them (Lu. 19:2-6). You will not find someone who purposely goes out of their way to a spot you visit everyday just to meet you, talk to you, and try to help you (Jn. 4:4-42). You will not find many who will see through others trying to do you harm for their own selfish reasons using you, stand up for you, pointing the twisting of the law back at them, and after they leave offer you a hand up to go free because neither do they condemn you (Jn. 8:2-11). You will not find many in this world to accept you as you are and still want to keep company with you (Mtt. 9:10-13).

If finding that someone on the outside falls short what about doing something about the inside? Can you find something that will work on the inside that nobody on the outside could ever reach? We all at one point or another seek a physical existing partnership of someone who truly sees us with complete understanding and hears us with complete perception (they get us). Finding someone at your level of thinking, morals, and desires in completeness is almost near to zero chances. You may get close to finding that someone, but the majority of the world simply adapts to their situation with the outward facial/body expressions and rehearsed words of conversations. Another percentage of the world gives up and turns to substances that provide physical escapes through their flesh pushing those highs and lows upon their spirits.

You have a spirit door that leads to the inside of your body. You can open your spirit door and allow a roommate to move into the place where “Nobody Knows” the real you. As with all things you must be careful who you open your spirit door to. People cannot become one with your inside spirit literally. They can live with you with their physical body beside your physical body, but they will still not live inside your body where the real you hurts in the night-time crying tears silently into your pillow as they sleep. They may get accustomed your habits mimicking a oneness with your spirit, but still clueless to the details of your spirit. What we are looking for is beyond what this world can offer.

There are spiritual roommates that can live inside with us. I had many encounters of different kinds of spirit roommates. Some spirits wanted to live in a drug world, alcohol world, sexual world, players world, money world, power world, and many other types of worlds, but the conclusion of all of these pointed to one hundred percent satisfying the physical flesh side and leaving the spirit side to be thrown away and forgotten. I found one Spirit that did not push satisfying the flesh. The flesh is what everyone else sees and ignores the suffering of the spirit within. This one Spirit loved and adored the hidden spirit within that “Nobody Knows” or cares about other than to use it for their own gain. I started my research seeking this one Spirit. I found Him helping others no matter their status quo in life, outward beauty meant nothing to Him, and He willingly helped without demanding payment. I challenged Him with questions of the heart about love, hate, marriage, kindness, revenge, death, life, loneliness, sorrow, and whatever else came my way. I started to trust His answers because the results helped me sleep at night, wake up the next day happy, and pass through the day even when people did not care.

As time passed by I felt He was the Spirit roommate I wanted inside with mine automatically. One day someone said some challenging things about my Spirit friend and His word. Of course, I nodded and smiled while inside I was thinking I will go home and see for myself if what they said holds true to what my Spirit roommate says. He said my friend was the same yesterday, today, and forever, which I found in Hebrews 13:8. I said to myself and my Spirit Friend ‘OK, that is true because it is in Your word and not twisted.‘ They told me that no one in the entire Bible was ever baptized in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. This was still the same conversation that I had nodded and smiled. I found in Matthew 28:19 is where my Spirit friend had said, “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you:..” OK, this was true what He said to His disciples of that day in the past, but now it was onto researching where they baptized people. I kept going because my Spirit friend was the most important friend of all because He knew exactly what I was suffering on the inside while the rest of the world turned away. I researched using all kinds of tools to find water baptism in the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. Again, I found what they told me was true that no one in the entire Bible record was baptized in the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, but I did find several Bible recorded water baptisms in the name of Jesus Christ. This made me go “Hmm”. My best Spirit friend in His word only baptized in His name for the reason of applying His blood to wash away my sins, which made sense to me because you cannot kill the Father or the Holy Spirit. I only agreed with this because it completely matched my Spirit friend Jesus and I trusted Him more than people. The final part they told me was we can receive His Spirit like they did back then because He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I researched and found my Spirit friend Jesus did not change in water baptism and the in filling of His Spirit because it was a promise to all generations (Acts 2:38, 39.

Now, it was on. I started asking my best Spirit friend Jesus if He wanted me to have His Spirit like they did back then when the cloven tongues of fire came upon them giving them words of praise in another language than their native language as a sign they had received His Spirit then I wanted it also. This open attitude towards my Spirit friend and His word allowed Him to truly and literally move inside my body with my spirit. I was glad to go down into water baptism with His name pronounced over me washing away my sins. I was glad to ask Him directly to fill me with His Spirit with the evidence to myself and those around me of a language He gives me at that moment praising Him. I know now His Spirit and my spirit are roommates inside this body. I will never be alone, cry alone, hurt alone, and walk alone ever again.

He has balanced me out from the inside that “Nobody Knows” except Him with a wisdom that blesses me and those around me who are hurting past the surface of their flesh. He knows and wants to help if we will allow Him. I cannot give you the words that I feel in my spirit that would express enough gratitude for Him loving me beyond me and wanting to be a part of my life. I encourage you get His Bible and challenge Him for answers of your heart that no one knows, but you and Him. He will show you how to handle fear, hate, envy, jealousy, loneliness, and any other unlimited questions you may have. He will drop His thoughts into your thoughts that will make you smile beyond any joy you have ever experienced in this world. Don’t be alone ever again. May God bless you.

See Me

It is a very saddening experience when you feel like no one sees you. You know you have solid form like everyone else yet it seems like you are a ghost. If they do by chance see you their opinion of you is not much higher than a stray dog or their facial expression has that looking down their noses on you. The worse of it all is living daily among other people as though you are not there. You get up feed yourself, get dressed for school or work, and walk into a people filled room with no one taking the time to speak kindly with you acknowledging your existence. You would not verbally admit it, but there is that longing inside for others to “See Me” the inside and not by the outside only.

Self-worth/esteem is a respect, a confidence, or a satisfaction opinion you have of yourself. Opinions exist in those on the outside observing you and on the inside with you judging yourself. You may be invisible to others or not worthy of their attention, but you are not invisible to yourself. Examine yourself with thought questions and answering them with raw truth. For example: the thought question “Am I good worker?” If your answer is ‘yes‘ then score one for the positive worth category and if ‘no‘ then put it in the how can I improve category. People will always judge you by the outward appearance first like an outside cover to a book without taking the time to see what is on the inside of the pages of the book, but as long as you are happy with the progress of inside your book your self-worth/esteem will be strong. If you are treated as a ghost keep being all you can be for there is someone more important than the people around you watching.

Our ghost world has hidden treasures that people daily miss out on. We have all kinds of things to give to those around us if they would only take the time and give us a chance. I agree there are some people who should never share themselves because of all the bitterness and hatred they have bottled up inside, but they too must find that someone who is more important than people and release the negativity accepting in its place the happiness they can possess in their life. A little side step from the path because all are worth seeing. It is a shame you are not stopped by someone and they receive from you the beautiful hidden treasure inside of you. You have hidden things inside your mind, heart, and soul that is invisible to everyone around you that all could be blessed by.

What intentions are hiding in your heart? What thoughts are you thinking inside your mind? What is really behind your eyes that look upon others? Does it really matter what is going on inside your mind, heart and soul invisible to the other people? They don’t hear your thoughts. They don’t see the intentions of your heart. They don’t know the true will of your soul. If it is out of sight and out of mind of others what does it really matter? Does anyone really care? “Why am I alone and a ghost to the world?”, you may ask. Now, is the time to turn on your hidden spirit from mankind and start reaching, feeling, and finding the one who is more important because He is closer than you think (Acts 17:27).

There is one who cares about your thoughts, intentions of your heart, and the desire of your soul. This particular one not only cares, but can see and read your thoughts clearly. He absolutely loves to extract your thoughts, intentions of your heart, and the desire of your soul out into the open exposing it for all to see including yourself. His thoughts, intentions of his heart, and the desire of His spirit is that everyone might know all the truth of themselves, others, and the mysteries of eternal life. When I read the Bible I am looking forward to what God is getting ready to extract from the hidden shadows below the surface of ghost like treasures in people’s flesh for all to see and learn from.

The amazing part about feeling invisible to others and like a ghost though you are solid like they are God chose a Jewish virgin girl with a fiancé of regular status among the people. Mary and Joseph were not well-known people. They were ordinary people like you and I working side by side as everyone else. God chose these two invisible people to the world to be the ones to take care of His fleshly body temple until that body grew to the age of the appointed ministry. Mary and Joseph may have been invisible to those around them seemingly average people, but hidden inside them was a worth that God saw. If you read John chapter 1 you will see a sad picture of people who did not really see Jesus/God and with all his good deeds was still not seen to be a good person. God Himself is treated like He does not exist. We are in good company.

Jesus like an outward cover to a book was seen outwardly as a Jew with his Jewish disciples were in a region of two towns. A woman of Canaanite nationality came to them, but would have been ignored by most like she was not even there. Some would have avoided her judging her to be a filthy stray dog. She went straight to Jesus crying out loud removing the veil of “I am not here” from those around her to “I am standing right here in front of you“. Remember there is one here that is more important than the people around her that see the hidden treasures of her heart. She said to Jesus, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.” Hidden inside this ignored woman of society was an understanding that Jesus was Lord and the Son of David fulfilling prophecy. Yet, Jesus remained quiet knowing what was hidden in the hearts around him.

His disciples revealed their hidden thoughts speaking up and saying, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” How many times do we encounter those who want to avoid us, ignore us, and hope we would keep walking by? We have seen them scatter as we approach them. They don’t want to hear us or talk to us. The disciples were under the Lord’s training and what was in their minds and hearts needed to be corrected. The woman was in the invisible hand of the Lord as a teaching tool for the disciples. He is extracting out of them the hidden things that are not only good for them, but also for the world to see.

After the disciples said, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” Jesus says to her, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” This woman now has upon her shoulders “…send her away…” by the crowd and “…only…of Israel…“. The people’s opinion of her worth and by first outward appearance the Lord’s spoken worth of her challenges her of what should she do. Her reply was simply, “Lord, help me!” She did not refute sending her away or it was only to the lost sheep of Israel. The Lord wanted more from this unseen and ignored by the world Canaanite woman. Jesus reached one more time and said to her “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”

Her mind has the echoing words of “send her away“, “only Israel“, and now she is hearing she is categorized among the “dogs“. The disciples are standing there hearing what is being said as though Jesus was seeing her as they did putting her in her place. If you have never experienced being totally rejected the level of pain you feel in your heart cannot be explained by words only. She agreed with the Lord that it is not right to take the children’s bread from them. This Canaanite woman did not want to take from Israel even though by most she would be treated as a ghost passing in their midst. She did not want Jesus to stop his ministry. At this point the disciples may be thinking this woman understands that it is not right and will leave them alone. Then she continues saying to the Lord, “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” I can see the faces of the disciples when these words registered in their minds and hearts. This is what Jesus wanted to extract from this normally ignored Canaanite woman. She was not a dog to him, but her faith was wrapped with a humility the Lord deemed as greatness.

Wow, what was hidden inside this beautiful woman’s heart is now revealed. How many people around us could have this kind of hidden wisdom left unearthed? Though she was looked down upon, avoided, ignored, and was treated as a ghost by the world she continued inside herself with a respect, a confidence, and a satisfied rock solid belief in God. This is exactly what Jesus/God was looking for to be dug up, extracted, spoke aloud for all to hear. He said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” Her daughter was healed at that very moment when Jesus spoke those words. This Canaanite woman had in her heart Jesus is the Lord, the Son of David at the table feeding the children of Israel God’s bread with the ‘if she could at least get a crumb from that bread‘ attitude would be enough to fill her needs. Her crumb was a full meal to her. One small crumb to one is a full meal to another (Mtt. 15:22-28). It is enough no matter the size if it is from the Lord.

The disciples have been shown faith in the Lord has no separate nationality, color, or gender. They have been shown there is no one invisible and no one God will not take the time to help. They have been shown bottled up inside this woman was a faith as bright and as warm as the sun in the clear blue sky shining upon them. All doors are open unto the Lord. Would the disciples dare to stop anyone from seeing the Lord after hearing such words of faith? Would you want to miss out on someone like this?

She makes me thirst and hunger for that powerful hidden faith to burst forth and shine to the world. The hungry cry we have in our hearts for people to please “See Me” may go unnoticed by mankind, but there is a pair of eyes glowing with love towards the treasure of our hearts. Don’t give up being all you can be in the quietness of your world. Let your faith be a sweet-smelling aroma flowing up from your spirit to the Lord no matter if the world sees it or not. You are worth seeing in the eyes of the Lord, which is more important than all the acknowledgment the world could give you.

Spoken and Unspoken

A father on a quest to find the man he has heard so much about that he has come to the conclusion in faith in this man to be the answer. Faith is the action side of believing something to be true. This father believed in this man to the point his faith took steps one in front of the other towards finding him. The father’s faith, though invisible to all the human eyes around him, had a solid substance in his heart known as hope towards finding this man. His only daughter who was around twelve was sick with a sickness he knows will bring death. Most fathers have lived long enough to know the signs of death. They have seen the life draining signs on others and now his eyes behold these things coming upon his only daughter. No wonder when Jairus the father raising his eyes seeing the man in which he believed in his heart was the answer with all the faith walking to get to him fell down on his knees speaking words of pleading hope to come to his house where his only daughter was dying. I can see this father completely overflowing with love towards his daughter and faith in this man called Jesus. Jairus was a titled man of authority over a synagogue, but what did a title or physical weath do for him against a sickness of death? His faith was the most valued and powerful hope he could ever possess irregardless of his life’s status. This man called Jesus agrees to go with Jairus to his house to see his sick and dying daughter. What do you think is going on inside this father’s mind and heart? You know there is a higher level of hope she is going to live a long prosperous life he may have thought to himself as he and Jesus are pushing through the crushing crowd towards his home (Luke 8:41, 42).

An anxious father with high hopes focused on this man Jesus wishing their steps not hindered by this constantly pressing against them crowd. Faith is under time and pressure. Now, all of a sudden this man whose all hope is in, Jesus, stops the crowd and asks “Who touched me?” Why would Jesus ask this question? I believe this was on purpose by Jesus. He knew who touched him, but the crowd did not know. There was a hidden treasure among them that he stopped them so they could see it and hear it. When God stops you it is because He is wanting you to see something beautiful. It was a woman in this crowd of men and women he wanted to extract from her and show them what God treasures. What was so special about her in this huge crowd? Twelve years she sought after healers to heal her of this bleeding that kept recurring, but no one could heal her. She and Jairus’s daughter had something no one could heal. This woman like Jairus believed in her heart. Her belief took action in faith pressing through the crushing crowd while bleeding all along had a solid substance of hope in Jesus. The crowd was too much for her, but she knew she could at least reach the edge of Jesus cloak. This beautiful moment happened in front of everyone, but no knew it except the woman and Jesus. When her fingers touched the edge of his clothing, feeling his garment, power surged through her fingers into her body and her bleeding immediately stopped down inside her. No one in this crowd had a clue what had just occurred. She would have disappeared and slipped away as the crowd kept moving towards Jairus’s house, but Jesus wanted us to see her. Her beautiful faith was like gentle fingers touching the skin of God, but it was faith touching directly the Spirit of God. Now, I understand how the power shot through her body from her invisible faith touching the invisible Spirit of God. Peter and the people had no idea what Jesus was talking about, but the woman did. She felt the light of God’s attention shinning on her in this crowd knowing she could not slip away unnoticed. She, too, like Jairus came and fell at Jesus feet confessing her faith before the whole crowd that just an edge of his cloak would be enough to heal her. It doesn’t take a whole lot, just use what little faith you’ve got. Jesus wanted everyone to see her faith hidden inside her heart for us to see the power of our faith in this unnoticed world. Jesus said out loud in front of this crowd and Jairus, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace” (Luke 8:48). A well placed faith in the right source will bring you that substance you are hoping for to life.

While Jesus was saying this to the woman in front of Peter, the crowd, and Jairus someone came from the house of Jairus and said, “Your daughter is dead, don’t bother the teacher any more“. Jesus is speaking faith and healing and this other person is speaking no hope and death calling Jesus a teacher. In these few seconds I can see Jairus heart and faith starting sink away into the dark abyss of lostness, but before he could drift to far away Jesus reaches out and gets ahold of Jairus’s faith and says, “Don’t be afraid; just believe and she will be healed.” (luke 8:49, 50). How important is your faith? It is so important to God He will stop everything even when faith is under pressure to say to you that everything is going to be alright because it is placed in the right source of life. The crowd continues on towards Jairus’s house. The father now has the news inside his thoughts of his daughter being dead and the words of Jesus she will be healed. His faith is now face to face with the words of Jesus and the words of the person from his house. A body physically dead and words full of Spirit and Life (Jn. 6:63). Once to the house Jesus told the people to stop wailing because she is not dead, but asleep. To the people the girl was dead, but Jesus had already agreed to go with Jairus to heal her and to Jesus she was simply asleep and waiting there by the power of God to be awakened. The people reacted to Jesus with laughter and were convinced she was dead. They missed out because they were locked into she is dead and that is that. Peter, John, James, Jairus the girls father and mother were allowed to go inside with Jesus where the girl was physically dead, but only spiritually sleeping. Why did those few get to go inside? There must had been something hidden inside of them the crowd did not have. Doesn’t this make you want to have faith inside so strong that God would include you into His works whether great or small? As they were watching Jesus tenderly taking her hand into his speaking, “My child, get up“. She was His child under the powerful family of faith that knows no limits in God. Her spirit returned with the power of life to wake up that physical body and stood up (Luke 8:54, 55).

Faith was the whole point. The healing of the issue of blood was nothing. The raising of the dead was nothing. It was the faith that was something to the Lord. Everything that seems impossible or hard is easy to the Lord, but the existence of believing faith in God is an eternal treasure. Yes, he wants us to be healed and live a good life, but above suffering faith will return us home to Him in glory. I want to look at you and you look at yourself. It is amazing what we find when we slow down to examine ourselves. Do you ever feel like this woman surrounded by people, yet you feel all alone? You see the crowd, but the crowd seems to treat as just an object taking up space? If you attend a church, a synagogue, or a sanctuary do you feel your need is like an unspoken prayer request falling into the unnoticed category? Think about this woman mixed in this large crowd that they may see her physically, but there were a pair of eyes that were watching her spiritually. She was carrying something inside that God wanted everyone to see including herself. You have something inside of you that people around may not see, but there are a pair of eyes watching you carry a hidden treasure of faith that will cause Him to come to a complete stop waiting for you to release unto Him and for you to feel His loving power flow back into you. Whether your need is known like the father Jairus or unknown like the woman (spoken or unspoken) in the crowd it is your faith in action towards God that counts.

He absolutely loves seeing faith pointed towards Him in our hearts. He is our Father that loves us with a love that the Word and the Action of Jesus Christ came together on the cross, in the grave, and the resurrection for life more abundantly to flow freely inside of you and I. He is our Father that wants us to be born again in water baptism in Jesus name, which the name has the blood of the Lamb of God inside it to wash away our sins returning us to a clean state and infilling us with His Spirit like the apostles (Acts 2:38, 4, 39) for the purpose pure fellowship of faith in Him. Wow, to see His love. I hope you have seen His love, felt His love, and continue to walk in His love.