I’m Sorry Lord

I should have done more for you. You were my friend when no one else cared about me. You heard me when no one else would listen. You reached out to me when I was all alone. You stayed with me when everyone else left. You deserve more from me. All I wanted to do was to spend the life you had given for you to reach others through me. I’m sorry Lord.

Why did you love someone like me so long ago and how can you love me now when I have fallen so short? What have I really done for you and the second chance in life you have given me? In my brokenness and sadness I say, “I’m sorry Lord“.

You gave me the warmth of your love when the coldness of my heart, numbness of my mind, and my empty lost soul had given up. I thought I knew joy until the happiness of your Spirit accepted me when no else did. You saw me clearly for who I was and still reached out to me with a gentle patience I cannot describe. You deserve so much more than what I have given.

All these years of walking through each day step by step and second by second I wanted it all for you. You have changed my life in a way I could never pay you back in any lifetime, but I should have done more. I want to do more. I’m sorry Lord.

You poured your goodness in me replacing the evil that was in my heart. You chipped away at the hard unbelief of thoughts I had towards people in this life restoring a living faith in me. If I can be saved so can they. You have been a friend like no other and all I wanted was for others to find out how wonderful you are.

You have taught me so many wondrous things that I felt like I did not deserve. I asked to know and you gave me understanding. Every time I came after you even though it was not in the time I wanted it you still allowed me to find you. When all the doors of life seemed to be closed you were waiting for me just to knock on your door ready to answer me.

I wish I could give you more. No one knows what a beautiful change you brought into my spirit. When you gave me a second chance moving your spirit inside with my spirit I knew I could have no greater roommate than you. My heart breaks to think about how much you have done for me and what little I have done for you. I’m sorry Lord.

I wanted to spend the time of my life giving others you whether in your words, in your touch, or the glow of your peaceful presence. We can spend money and get more money back, but we cannot spend time and get more time back. I’m sorry Lord for the time spent not doing for you to others as you have done for me.

I love you, Lord. Where would I be today without you? Jail, hooked on drugs, a man full of hatred, violent, cruel, and lost to wasting a life you had given me? How many times should I have been dead, crippled, or blind? You gave me mercy when no one else would.

I’m sorry Lord for all the bad decisions that cost me a lifetime of sorrow. My ignorance cost me precious time and yet you still hold me together in the toughest times. I don’t know what I would do without you, Lord. There is no where else to go, but you. Nothing compares to you. There is no drug, no alcohol, no escape, or any other substance that compares to your deep touch in my spirit.

Thank you for walking with me while the chains of this life wears me down. I have tried so many times to reach out to others, but it is like I am ghost and a whispering wind passing briefly by those around me, unheard, and unseen. I’m sorry Lord for whatever I have done.

You have been the sunshine in the dark dreary days in my spirit driving away the pouring down rain of sorrow. I’m sorry Lord to be stuck in a place I cannot do more for you. Help me live a life well spent in you. You are my hope and my salvation. Time will be no more for all of us and we don’t know it.

As time ticks by and the days come and go help me to walk freshly with you driving the dullness of life away. Speak to me daily, walk with me daily, and help me not to sleep the sleep of death. I’m sorry Lord for having a past less filled with your works, a present day longing to do more, and a tomorrow of regret of knowing I should have done more. I’m sorry Lord.

When we first came together I wanted to treat you more alive than people gave you credit in your word and in your spirit. Someone told me I could receive the power of your living spirit like they did in the Bible days. I did not feel worthy and thought that was only for the apostles back then, but I had a wide open relationship with you willing to ask, seek, and knock if it were your will. You would be the one deciding if I should receive it.

By no power of mankind, I felt the power of your Holy Spirit come upon me as I was releasing my faith and words of love filled with praise that you would love someone like me. Your Holy Spirit was so strong upon my spirit that I could feel you joining as one in my voice changing the utterance into a language of praise I could have never learned or done on my own. It was your way of giving me a sign that you had accepted me beyond my feelings of unworthiness.

You decided to give someone like me the same experience as the apostles did. I knew I would never be the same. I completed what your word said and was baptized totally under water with your name Jesus washing away all my sins. All my sins were forgiven and I could not explain how clean I felt in my spirit. What a glorious day that will forever be in my mind.

You are the best roommate a body could ever have sharing life in the fellowship of your spirit with mine. All that you have done for me all these many years. All the understandings you have given me. I want everyone to know you. I wish I could give you more. I’m sorry Lord to be a vessel trapped in a routine of life not in a full time manner of sharing you to all the world. Help me salvage my spirit in this ticking away of a fleshy vessel.

I love you, Lord. I would not want to count down the days of my life with anyone else than you as my roommate with my soul. Others will let me down and I will let others down, but you will always hold us up. Life is not true life unless it is with you guiding each day. I would be so very lonely if I did not have you.

My words maybe like a whisper in the wind, my presence maybe a fading vapor, and my touch maybe a forgotten memory, but you hear me, see me, and remember me. How your love for me deserves the best I can give while the shortcoming of that goal causes me to say, “I’m sorry Lord”.

I hope and pray someone Lord will step through the door of your word believing in you being born again of your named water baptism and in receiving your named Spirit experiencing the second chance birth you have provided to us all. God is alive in His word and in our present day fulfilling those words if we will humbly open up to Him.

38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

39 For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call. He is calling you.

Time is spending your precious life away every second what are you doing inside those seconds to make your existence valuable? Let God spend your seconds with you cultivating them into a glorious timeless light of His love. Don’t let the “I’m sorry Lord” be the words you speak when you face Him in the judgment seat in eternity.

Thank you very much for spending your precious time reading these words. I hope they will turn into golden moments for you.

What Are You Building?

Building is something every born human being does in this world. None of us can stop ourselves from building everyday. We only stop building when we cease to exist in this life. When God spoke this into my thoughts while listening to His word. I asked myself a past, present, and future questions. “What have I built?” What can you think of you’ve built? “What buildings are in my past?” What past event stands tall in your mind? “Are they still standing or have they fallen?” Do people remember or not, God does. “What am I building?” What are you building today? “What building am I standing in right now?” How do you feel about yourself? “What kind of building(s) do I want to build after God has spoken to me?” What would you like to see in the future of your life?

Building is basically something being constructed, assembled, and/or joining things together. “In the beginning God created…” (Genesis 1:1). He took something that was formless and void making it into solid, purposeful, and functional. It started out empty, but then was built into existence with a purpose. You were empty as a baby, but now you have filled your life with many things.

In the beginning of you as a baby, the spirit part of you (mind, heart, and soul) and your body started building right away. Your empty and void mind started building. Your mind caught onto actions brought attention like crying and you were fed. Your mind stored sounds associated with objects like “mama“, “dada” building a vocabulary in your mind. You started building right away. Your mind started building a language center structure stored with your language.

The more you grew the more you built on a daily basis. You did not stop growing or building. The more mobile you became the more building you did in the baby cit of your mind. Your body and mind started building together every day. The childhood days were the building blocks for the path of personality you chose to walk. You chose to build a life with characteristics of certain things like being quiet, loud, obnoxious, instigator, trouble maker, obedient, evil, or good. I am sure your mind popped up with a sister, a brother, a family member, or other people in your childhood life who either fit one of these or contributed to your buildings in your life.

YOU HAVE STARTED A CITY

By now you are seeing the buildings all of us are doing everyday. It is not building necessarily a physical building, but a building inside ourselves. Some people build a huge building focused on certain things. Some have cities full of buildings of knowledge in sports statistics to name one. If I was able to walk through the city of your mind what would be the names on the buildings of knowledge you have built up over your lifetime?

I know I would see signs on the front of short buildings, unfinished buildings, tall buildings, very clean buildings, not so clean buildings, empty lots, and possibly some forbidden buildings as I walk along. Some people would have signs that read basketball, football, baseball, soccer with tall buildings of knowledge for their teams, players, and statistics. The height of the buildings would determine how much you have spent building it in your life storing what you have focused yourself upon.

As a young person you started building methods of creating relationships. As you got older you tried to build a career possibly marrying someone and doing other things to further that career you wanted to build. You wanted a certain thing and you focused all your building abilities to attain that certain object or goal. The city of your mind became the totality of what you think.

If you married your building turned into providing for the home and not just for yourself or did you? You possibly changed your mindset to building all around your children and their children forgetting other things. You have been building within yourself since you were born to this day and you will take what you have done and said before God. Would you want or allow anyone to walk through the city of your mind freely? How do you feel about someone walking through your mind?

Of course, all things inside our minds would be completely naked and opened to whomever would dare to allow to walk the city streets of our minds. We are all safe from another person visiting the cities of our minds, except for one. “Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do” speaking about God in Hebrews 4:12, 13. All things are naked and opened unto the eyes of God.

WHAT CITY ARE YOU?

What have you built?” Walking through the spiritual city of your mind “What buildings would be seen?” Would it be a city with an underground subway dedicated to sex, getting off the train to see a buildings of deception, further down another building idolizing a person, place, or thing? Would there be a building of jealousy? Buildings of alcohol bars for getting drunk to get stress relief? An arena focused on fighting, stirring up strife, and causing chaos? A stadium for venting your anger? If this is your city the mayor of it is your fleshly body governing what you build inside the zones of your mind. (Gal. 5:19-21).

Another kind of city that some people who walk among us could answer the “What have you built” question with I stopped building a long time ago and turned the city of my mind over to the builder and Maker of Jesus Christ God manifested in the flesh. With God’s help I tore down the building of hatred towards people and replaced it with a building learning to love once again by God’s grace. The Holy Spirit of God took a bulldozer to the building of depression and started a building of joy as it’s foundation. The subway system was overhauled and replaced with following a path of peace throughout the city of my mind. A building of Godly understanding was built. So, I could go inside seeking knowledge practicing longsuffering and not trying to drown them away in drinking or in drugs. Shops of goodness were going up everywhere in the city with faith in a better tomorrow filling the streets with kindness and temperance. The city of my mind was set free with a Mayor I could call upon to help with bad occupants trying to move in. A city inside my mind that needs no law as long as God is the Mayor forever (Gal. 5:22, 23).

LET GO OF STRESSFUL BUILDING

There was a man born into a blessed family. His mind was blessed by the teaching of his father and of God. The city of his mind was overflowing with wisdom. Under the same sun we have today he focused his mind on building things. He built physical houses, planted vineyards, gardens, orchards, all kind of fruit trees, made pools of water, obtained servants/maids, had servant’s children taken care of, great wealth, greatest of cattle in all the land, gold, silver, treasures, singers, all kinds of musical instruments. He became greater than all the people in Jerusalem and even the ones before him. (Eccl.2:4-10).

He looked at all he had physically built and hated it. What? Hated it? He saw all that he had physically built would be left to another person after he died. He saw the reality in his mind that no one would know the person after him would be wise or a fool with what he had physically built. A wise or fool will have your things. He saw this was going to happen whether he liked or not because death will remove him from this world. Nothing of this world goes with us. Another person will take all his physical things and become a good or bad ruler over them and there was nothing he could do about that (Eccl. 2:18, 19).

He was the wisest man in all the world at that time and he hated what he had physically built calling it vanity and vexation of spirit. Solomon saw something we need to see today. He and all of us are building things that someone else will inherit. We stress ourselves out over the physical things of this world. Every one wants to live a nice life, but fighting and stressing ourselves to an early worrisome death is vanity and vexation of spirit on the city of our minds, hearts, and souls. There is another type of building we should be more focused on no matter if we are rich, middle, or poor.

Solomon had physically everything. The rich man Jesus talked about had everything, but in the end death took the rich man and the poor man from this world. The rich man left behind all the physical land, vehicles, money, and wealth was given to someone else. “What Are You Building?” You can stress yourself to death about building physical things, but time and chance will happen to all of us no matter if we are the fastest person, the strongest person, the wisest person, the smartest person in finances, or a person of great abilities death will come and remove you from this world (Eccl. 9:11). “What Are You Building” that God will judge in the end that will save your soul?

This is why Solomon, the wisest man of his time, said “I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.” (Eccl. 1:14). We all know this does not mean to stop working the physical goals in this life, but to remember there is another building we must do inside the city of our minds, hearts, and souls that death will never remove us from. Solomon saw “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?…” (Matt. 16:26). Not the buildings on the outside that perishes, but the buildings you have stored your life in the city of yourmind, heart, and soul.

BUILDING WHAT REALLY COUNTS

All the clothes and possibly shoes you are wearing right now as you read these words will be taken from you after you die and be dispersed to wherever and whomever. The vehicle you may love outside your place will be driven by someone else. All the money you worked for in getting the big screen TV will be removed and given to someone else when death takes your body. There is nothing wrong with the things you have physically. In fact, Solomon said, “There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour. This also I saw, that it was from the hand of God.” (Eccl. 2:24). It is okay to enjoy the physical things in this world, but not to put absolute stock into them as what will be payment enough for your soul.

The city of your mind does not belong to the earth that passes away, but unto God for which your mind will never pass away. Your mind, heart, and soul will live forever beyond the physical things of this world. Solomon is out there looking back us knowing he told us building the things in this world is temporary and someone else whether wise or a fool will control it, but will never control the city that you build inside your spirit. Solomon left us a conclusion that covers everything. He said, “…Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.” This also ties into what Jesus said, “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.” The “…might know…” is the building knowledge inside your mind, heart, and soul. Solomon knew God was not interested in the earthly things built, but will judge the intent and thoughts behind the work you did bringing into every secret thing no matter if it was for good or for evil (Eccl. 13:13, 14).

Nothing you physically have will go with you. What you leave behind will be for the next group of people to do whatever they want regardless of how you feel. All your words and actions that are stored in your spirit will be what goes with you. God will walk the streets of the city of your mind judging each building that you stored things there from this life. Will He find buildings of His words and His will been done or will he find buildings stored with selfishness, deceit, and many other sins? While you are alive you can rebuild the city of your mind by the guidance and the grace of God along with receiving the things of this world.

REBUILD YOUR CITY

Do you want to rebuild the city of your mind, heart, and soul so when God walks through it the shame will not be as great? God the Builder and Maker of the knowledge of good has to move inside the city of your mind, heart, and soul to start the building process. God calls it a “…born again…” from the washing away of all sins in a baptism fully immersed in water and the powering up with the newness of spirit in your spirit. This is the only way to fix the bad or evil things built inside your mind that you and others have built in times past. How much have you accumulated of bad or evil things in your mind, heart, and soul? Would you like to experience the freedom God will give you? You will never be that same old person as before.

SALVATION BUILDING CODE

Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.” (Acts 2:38).

Phase one to start the rebuilding process is to surrender to God, the Master Builder, with a determined and made up mind to completely turn away all the sins of the past. Separate and cut off the blueprints of sins past. Phase two is to take your body that contains the eternal city of your mind, heart, and soul down under water immersed in Jesus name applying the blood of forgiveness that is the all powerful name (Acts4:12) releasing the power of God’s forgiveness washing away all sins. Jesus name washes the whole spiritual city within you. Phase three is to revive the power of your spirit with the power of God’s Holy Spirit rejuvenating and quickening a fresh new start as God the Re-modeler of your mind, heart, and soul. A pure supply of God’s Holy Spirit currents in your spirit city. God said there will be a sign to let you know your spirit has been renewed and revived as a new creature in Christ by hearing words come out of your mouth guided by His Holy Spirit. A celebration you and the whole city will know removing all doubts.

BUILDING A HOUSE OF PRAYER

Once the Holy Spirit moves inside of us we need to make Him the overseer of the city of our thoughts daily because our flesh will want our minds, hearts, and souls totally focused on building things that will perish with this world. The flesh wants a city of lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. The flesh wants the love of money to take over the city. The flesh wants a city of thoughts to be selfish, boastful, arrogance, and chaos filling the streets and buildings (2 Tim. 1-5). The flesh wants to live selfishly of this world considering what only benefits itself.

Our born again package comes with the Holy Spirit of God guiding us into all truth and even showing us things to come (Jn. 17:3). This guidance will com from fellowship, which is what prayer is between us and God. How do we pray? Prayer is simply talking with God and a good example to learn from is what Jesus said, After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.10 Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.11 Give us this day our daily bread.12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.” (Mtt. 6:9-12).

This is a building spiritual city of prayer. This is a daily working prayer. It is an action prayer. It is a start to building a Holy Spirit governing house of prayer inside your mind, heart, and soul. “…Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name” to start the day thankful you know the name that has the power to forgive, heal, and power over evil things. A loving reverence of the Father giving us His name that is above all names. It is a mental and spiritual in action with God’s Holy Spirit in your life.

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” is an action statement for us to try to do the will of God daily inside our own hearts and to those around us that God directs us. “Give us this day our daily bread.” ties into what Jesus said, “…man shall not live by bread alone…” (Luke 4:4) and what Solomon said, “There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour…” (Eccl. 2:24). We have the spiritual bread for the soul and bread of the labor of our hands in a prayer for God to provide and for us to enjoy.

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” this also a practicing action for us to seek God’s forgiveness when we fall short, but at the same time to have forgiveness for others. Inside the city of our thoughts in God should be a place built by us receiving forgiveness, but also give out forgiveness. “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…” is a help and mercy call upon God because Jesus had already been lead into the wilderness facing evil and being delivered in our place. We don’t need to go there and he world will try to trick us.

…For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.” Inside our minds we want the buildings to be full of God’s praise, His trusted will to be done, eating the bread He provides, welcoming forgiveness, lead away from temptations, allowing a way of escape from evil, and let it be for His kingdom, His power, and His glory for ever, of which we will see and go to after this life.

Walking the streets of your mind what kind of buildings line the streets? Today, what types of places have you added to your mind – anger, jealousy, etc.? Knowing everything you have will be someone else’s and you can only take with you the things inside you mind, heart, and soul “What are you going to build ?” I am glad God moved into my city of thoughts to help sort out the evil tragedies and events of this life keeping them in perspective that they cannot follow me when i leave this world in Jesus name. May God bless you and become the Mayor of the city of your mind, heart, and soul.