I should have done more for you. You were my friend when no one else cared about me. You heard me when no one else would listen. You reached out to me when I was all alone. You stayed with me when everyone else left. You deserve more from me. All I wanted to do was to spend the life you had given for you to reach others through me. I’m sorry Lord.
Why did you love someone like me so long ago and how can you love me now when I have fallen so short? What have I really done for you and the second chance in life you have given me? In my brokenness and sadness I say, “I’m sorry Lord“.
You gave me the warmth of your love when the coldness of my heart, numbness of my mind, and my empty lost soul had given up. I thought I knew joy until the happiness of your Spirit accepted me when no else did. You saw me clearly for who I was and still reached out to me with a gentle patience I cannot describe. You deserve so much more than what I have given.
All these years of walking through each day step by step and second by second I wanted it all for you. You have changed my life in a way I could never pay you back in any lifetime, but I should have done more. I want to do more. I’m sorry Lord.
You poured your goodness in me replacing the evil that was in my heart. You chipped away at the hard unbelief of thoughts I had towards people in this life restoring a living faith in me. If I can be saved so can they. You have been a friend like no other and all I wanted was for others to find out how wonderful you are.
You have taught me so many wondrous things that I felt like I did not deserve. I asked to know and you gave me understanding. Every time I came after you even though it was not in the time I wanted it you still allowed me to find you. When all the doors of life seemed to be closed you were waiting for me just to knock on your door ready to answer me.
I wish I could give you more. No one knows what a beautiful change you brought into my spirit. When you gave me a second chance moving your spirit inside with my spirit I knew I could have no greater roommate than you. My heart breaks to think about how much you have done for me and what little I have done for you. I’m sorry Lord.
I wanted to spend the time of my life giving others you whether in your words, in your touch, or the glow of your peaceful presence. We can spend money and get more money back, but we cannot spend time and get more time back. I’m sorry Lord for the time spent not doing for you to others as you have done for me.
I love you, Lord. Where would I be today without you? Jail, hooked on drugs, a man full of hatred, violent, cruel, and lost to wasting a life you had given me? How many times should I have been dead, crippled, or blind? You gave me mercy when no one else would.
I’m sorry Lord for all the bad decisions that cost me a lifetime of sorrow. My ignorance cost me precious time and yet you still hold me together in the toughest times. I don’t know what I would do without you, Lord. There is no where else to go, but you. Nothing compares to you. There is no drug, no alcohol, no escape, or any other substance that compares to your deep touch in my spirit.
Thank you for walking with me while the chains of this life wears me down. I have tried so many times to reach out to others, but it is like I am ghost and a whispering wind passing briefly by those around me, unheard, and unseen. I’m sorry Lord for whatever I have done.
You have been the sunshine in the dark dreary days in my spirit driving away the pouring down rain of sorrow. I’m sorry Lord to be stuck in a place I cannot do more for you. Help me live a life well spent in you. You are my hope and my salvation. Time will be no more for all of us and we don’t know it.
As time ticks by and the days come and go help me to walk freshly with you driving the dullness of life away. Speak to me daily, walk with me daily, and help me not to sleep the sleep of death. I’m sorry Lord for having a past less filled with your works, a present day longing to do more, and a tomorrow of regret of knowing I should have done more. I’m sorry Lord.
When we first came together I wanted to treat you more alive than people gave you credit in your word and in your spirit. Someone told me I could receive the power of your living spirit like they did in the Bible days. I did not feel worthy and thought that was only for the apostles back then, but I had a wide open relationship with you willing to ask, seek, and knock if it were your will. You would be the one deciding if I should receive it.
By no power of mankind, I felt the power of your Holy Spirit come upon me as I was releasing my faith and words of love filled with praise that you would love someone like me. Your Holy Spirit was so strong upon my spirit that I could feel you joining as one in my voice changing the utterance into a language of praise I could have never learned or done on my own. It was your way of giving me a sign that you had accepted me beyond my feelings of unworthiness.
You decided to give someone like me the same experience as the apostles did. I knew I would never be the same. I completed what your word said and was baptized totally under water with your name Jesus washing away all my sins. All my sins were forgiven and I could not explain how clean I felt in my spirit. What a glorious day that will forever be in my mind.
You are the best roommate a body could ever have sharing life in the fellowship of your spirit with mine. All that you have done for me all these many years. All the understandings you have given me. I want everyone to know you. I wish I could give you more. I’m sorry Lord to be a vessel trapped in a routine of life not in a full time manner of sharing you to all the world. Help me salvage my spirit in this ticking away of a fleshy vessel.
I love you, Lord. I would not want to count down the days of my life with anyone else than you as my roommate with my soul. Others will let me down and I will let others down, but you will always hold us up. Life is not true life unless it is with you guiding each day. I would be so very lonely if I did not have you.
My words maybe like a whisper in the wind, my presence maybe a fading vapor, and my touch maybe a forgotten memory, but you hear me, see me, and remember me. How your love for me deserves the best I can give while the shortcoming of that goal causes me to say, “I’m sorry Lord”.
I hope and pray someone Lord will step through the door of your word believing in you being born again of your named water baptism and in receiving your named Spirit experiencing the second chance birth you have provided to us all. God is alive in His word and in our present day fulfilling those words if we will humbly open up to Him.
38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
39 For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call. He is calling you.
Time is spending your precious life away every second what are you doing inside those seconds to make your existence valuable? Let God spend your seconds with you cultivating them into a glorious timeless light of His love. Don’t let the “I’m sorry Lord” be the words you speak when you face Him in the judgment seat in eternity.
Thank you very much for spending your precious time reading these words. I hope they will turn into golden moments for you.