I Cursed Myself

I Cursed Myself” is something you think about that you have done to yourself. You look back to your past seeing with a fresh and open mind the things you said, the things you have done and/or the things you should have done with the understanding “I did that“, and “I Cursed Myself“.

Sometimes in life you wake up with the dawn of early light shinning in through the window of your mind to a dark area you had never seen before. Your eyes slowly focus on it with a blur to clearly seeing it as it truly is causing a gradual perception seeping into a full blown understanding.

You are seeing truth about yourself and the shock goes from “I did that” or “I caused that” to feeling a sadness slowly flowing over you from your head to your toes. You see yourself at that point and time how you had no clue to what you were doing. You were running along blind to the ripple affects that will follow. Your present time had no thought of the future to come.

Now that you have seen yourself in a truthful clear light the knowledge seems to be ever before you. Right now in your present day the sadness of your choices and actions haunt you. “I Cursed Myself” looms over you daily. You are having to deal with what you feel you have been cursed with everyday because of the reminders all around you.

FORGIVENESS IS POSSIBLE

Before I continue on with living with the “I Cursed Myself” thoughts I want to let you know forgiveness is possible. You can be forgiven, but the hardest part will be forgiving yourself and responding to the daily reminders of your past.

I received my total forgiveness of all of my past from God. I felt like an evil demon to the world full of hate and anger. One morning God whispered in my ear saying, “try Me, you have tried everything else“. I had to agree with God that I had focused my life on doing whatever I wanted to do to people around me as the dawning light began to shine upon “I Cursed Myself” and others.

So, I repented of all my evil words and deeds of the past wanting to do better from now on. I was baptized in water in the name of Jesus applying the power of the blood to remove and forgive all sins (the blood is in Jesus name) fulfilling the born of the water part of salvation (Jn. 3:5). I prayed, though I felt extremely unworthy, for God to fill me with His Holy Spirit, which He said was a promise to all (Acts 2:39), fulfilling the born again of the Spirit part of salvation (Jn 3:5) with the evidence of speaking a language God gives you as a sign His Spirit has moved inside with your spirit (Acts 2:4, 8, 12, 16).

God and His forgiveness helps you carry the “I Cursed Myself” cross through the streets of your everyday life. When we are weak He is strong.

FORGIVEN AND CURSED

The “FORGIVEN AND CURSED” does not sound like they go together, but in our reality in this world they exist together in one place. You can be saved and cursed at the same time. Forgiveness does not erase the evil words and deeds from our memories or others. You can be forgiven, but the hardest part will be forgiving yourself and responding to the daily reminders of your past. The seeds have already been sown and the cultivating is a choice by yourself or others.

One of the strongest steps you can take against the bad words and actions you have done would be taking ownership of those things. I accept the responsibility of “I Cursed Myself” by doing what I did to others. I take the responsibility so strongly in my heart that I will live everyday of my life to being a part of the solutions and no longer being a part of the problems.

You can have a life of forgiveness from God, but you have a seed you have sown in others as a reminder to your flesh the memory is still there along with the physical hurt and pain. You can see it in their eyes and you can hear it in their voice. Your memory does not allow you to escape from the reminders. “I Cursed Myself” still remains in your flesh of what you were.

You can’t run from your own fleshly body. Your saved spirit has to take control of your mind, heart, and strength by the power of God’s word and Spirit. God is the only cure for living in a cursed body that reminds you of your failures. You have the knowledge of “I Cursed Myself“, but you know God has accepted your repentance when you were baptized in Jesus name and He filled you with His Holy Spirit hearing the evidence of Him speaking with your voice. God has forgiven and accepted you into His body as a born again child into His kingdom above your sins giving you His saving power and grace.

SORRY ALL THE TIME

I could not escape from feeling sorry all the time. I would hear something that would remind me of my past. I would see something that would remind me of the pain I caused. If anyone bragged on me I felt unworthy knowing the awful past. A constant beat down, not worthy, and what a terrible person haunts my spirit. People only see my eyes, but they do not read the suffering behind them.

Staying with God in His word and a prayer life of fellowship with Him has brought me wisdom and guidance. He showed me how to convert the sorrow of my past sins into a compassion of service. Feeling sorry for my sins was fueling me to live a better life everyday and a “not going back” resolved attitude. Feeling sorry for my sins keeps me from living a life of pride, arrogance, and being to good to help others. It can help you or hinder you. It can be a rock or a fuel to your life.

I had found even when people will not forgive you or let go of the past you can still walk inside God’s forgiveness speaking and reacting with His seeds of life in the hopes others will find their freedom like you found in God. It does not erase the physical events that occurred in the past from their fleshly minds, but it does plant seeds of life in their spirit for a new dawn of understanding and forgiveness. You can be an example of hope for a better tomorrow. If you can do it, so can they.

IT IS MY FAULT

When you step outside yourself looking at the words spoken or screamed you may see how your words were the spark to get the fire going or the gasoline thrown onto the fire creating a blaze. When you step outside yourself remembering being used by someone you loved that started you on the path of revenge destroying other peoples lives that had nothing to do with your other situation makes you sorry for taking it out on them. When you step outside yourself and see these things you understand “I Cursed Myself“.

I Cursed Myself” can be simply you choosing someone that would be an asset to your cause only to find out that they hated deep down inside the career you had chosen. You picked them to be a partner in a business because you thought they were a perfect match and the truth came out they could not manage money, “I Cursed Myself” because I asked and believed in them.

We all have brought on different things upon ourselves whether with good intentions or evil intentions the fault lies with us. Living with those choices on a daily basis seems like a cross we must carry through the streets of our life until we reach the hill seemingly faraway.

We can be like the thief on one side of Jesus in denial of our evil deeds or we can be like the other thief accepting our sins with repentance ready to move onto another chapter in our lives bearing who we were converting it into someone better. Carrying our cross in this life is better than facing a death without Jesus.

CONVERT YOUR CURSE DAILY

You must practice everyday converting your curse into being a help, being a part of the solution, being an addition instead of a subtraction, and contributing good with God as your source in you and through you to others.

Take your sadness and regret with open eyes, open ears, and a open heart placing them before God allowing Him the chance to convert it to His healing touch to those who might receive it. It is a crucial part for you and all others to allow the eyes and ears to see with perception and to hear with understanding the raw truth because the knowledge is what God can resolve the battles we all face.

The only way to survive your “I Cursed Myself” memories is to let go of it into God’s hands and let Him sort out the weeds in your life allowing the good wheat He has sown to flourish inside you while others in time will possibly see the change in your life was not a joke, but the real deal from God. Don’t let your spirit get pulled into the wallowing mud of the flesh with depression, regret, and unworthiness. Let the pure water of God wash you daily converting the bad into fuel to do what is right.

Have a great day in-spite of what comes your way. Try God, you have tried everything else.

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