I Want To Die

Hi! I am glad you stopped by to read “I Want To Die“.  This is something that has crossed everyone’s mind sometime in their life. You are not alone. For some the thought of death was a flash and for others it became a returning subject to think about. To die has a closure and an ending sound to it and to live has an ongoing never-ending sound to it. One of them implies freedom and the other implies torture. I am glad you are here, now reading this because I don’t want you to be deceived anymore.

I was deceived and I don’t want you to make a decision based on lies. Death has many people thinking that this is an ending to all the things they are facing. As you read these words they are passing through the physical tunnel of your eyes into your eternal spirit inside your body. This is the real you no matter what you look like on the outside. Your eyes are only a temporary tunnel of sight to your eternal spirit behind them. This is the time to find the real you. Here comes one factual truth that your body is the only fleshly shell that can die everything else about you will remain forever. I hope this is not disappointing, but the real you will exist forever. A good question to ask at this time is do “I Want To Die” right now taking with me the bad things inside with me forever or do I want to find a way to make the bad things die and I live on free? The real you that is focused on these words will not die. I know and see my spirit is speaking to your spirit through these words, but a greater than both of us is here between us. He is the one that gave us our eternal spirits. He wanted me to know and you that death will only come to the body that is housing us. Your body will return to the dust of the earth eventually, but you – your spirit will continue forever in the state you left this world for better or worse.

Your spirit can face a type of death matching it as an eternal death, but it is more like a still living/existing death because you, your spirit is made of eternal substance and does not cease to exist like the body. Your spirit that will never die is being fed right now through your eyes and other senses. Your skin feeds your spirit the feelings of touching things or things touching you. Your ears captures the sounds around you feeding them to your spirit. Your mouth feeds your spirit the different tastes that enter it. Your nose is the tunnel funneling the different odors it smells to your spirit. Your spirit is the eternal storage of you. You are a living eternal spirit book that will always contain who you are inside of it (Ps. 40:7, Heb. 10:7 examples).

This may be a time to slow down and think about what is written on the pages of your spirit book ignoring for now your physical body. I know your spirit is full of things forced upon your pages by the things out of your control and some things you purposely did in life causing them to be recorded in you whether good or bad. I want you to know you are in control of your spiritual book. You do have the power to decide how things are written inside of you and the way they are to be understood. Your spirit is diary with easily called upon memories of pictures, videos, sounds, and words from the earliest time to the present of things you have collected. You can be the narrator of your own life or outside influences can plant their desires like a puppet on their string of what they want to see you do. “I Want To Die” is not the desire you were first-born with, but later on things of this life push it upon you.

Death in this world will only disconnect you from the earth, which may seem to be enough, but it will not disconnect your spirit from the spirit world. You will still exist forever with what you did here still inside you – your works and others. Even though you are in spirit form after leaving this world you will still see, hear, talk, feel, taste, and touch directly to your eternal (unchangeable) spirit. Your body is the temporary vehicle of this world by which your eternal spirit absorbs the data from. You and I see everyday how the bodies are temporary from the young to the growing older. I have seen in the elderly the young fire of their spirit behind their aging eyes longing to get out and do the things they once did when they were young. Your spirit is the eternal vehicle to God’s realm, but only when released by death to the physical body or when He comes a second time to this earth to gather us home.


You may still feel like death is the answer to be finally rid of this world. It will pass you from this world sending you to the next, but you will be taking what is in you with you in the present with no second chances of release. There are two different kinds of deaths you and I will face. Your fleshly body can physically die returning to the earth ceasing to exist in time, but your spirit is released into the spirit world where there is no time going straight to the place your spirit fits. Your body will cease to exist like ashes blown out of sight by the wind, but your spirit, the real you, will fly towards the eternal place that matches the condition of your spirit when you left this world. Do “I Want To Die” taking with me want is inside me right now? You will take this world with you stored inside your unchanged spirit into the spirit world. Your solid existence will now be in your spirit there will be no longer a need of accumulating anything from seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, and smelling directly anymore for you are now eternally unchangeable like the angels. You will still be you without your earthly body.

You can decide right now to stop others from writing and influencing things written in your book of your spirit life. The world can do things to your body, but you have the power to lock your mind, heart, and soul on the inside to be what you want it to be. You are a child of God and you have His power to make free will choices no matter the level of evil against you. In the Bible there is a remarkable passage about a man who somehow allowed a legion of evil things to enter into the pages taking over the control of his spirit book inside him. It was clear to me he did not want to die in the present state he was in with those evil spirits. No matter how much they pushed him day and night to cut himself he would still not give into “I Want To Die“. When Jesus with God on the inside came near to him the tormented man made the choice to take his body full of those legions of evil spirits to face Almighty God. The man forced the things of this world to let go of his spiritual pen and gained the freedom to start writing in his own desires in his spirit book (Mark 5:6-13). I want you to read this passage yourself with your own spiritual eyes drinking in how you can live above the thoughts of “I Want To Die“. Allow the loneliness to be chased away.

This second death is not a ceasing to exist death, a going to sleep no consciousness, but a death of separation. We have experienced a death of separation from loved ones, pets, or other things in this life feeling the pain of sorrow and loss. This is as close to touching with understanding the second death of our spirit while still in this world. If you experience the second death you, your spirit, will be separated into a place that is considered to be death forever. The body is like a pencil that can be erased and your spirit is like a permanent magic marker that cannot be erased. The hurt, pain, sorrow, tears, and torment will be in your spirit which is eternal making the separation of suffering eternal in you (Lu. 16:23-31). This is the second death of separation and not a ceasing of existence or a sleep of no consciousness. You will be still alive never to sleep again, but you are separated to another eternal place worse than this temporary world you left. The bad things, the evil things, and horrors of this earth has no comparison to living eternally with the evil in the second death.

This earth is temporary and you can still fight for change, but the second death of the spirit is already a lost battle with no more chances to fight for change. What you have stored inside you now that makes you want to die is in a temporary phase. You do have a chance. Your flesh is trying to convince your spirit there is no way out other than dying. It is time for you to take hold of that which is inside you pulling it out of your book of your life and make it dead to your spirit, but you cannot do it alone completely.

You want to turn off the things inside your mind. You want them to go away. You want them to stop tormenting you. You just want some peace. You have tried drinking them away, but finding the fix is only temporary. The troubles are there waiting for you when the drinking has worn off. You are back to wishing for it to go away with the physical pains of the aftermath of drinking. Your frustration is now twice as much on your shoulders. You’re thinking if I could only stay drunk it would never return to torture me, but the money is not there to maintain that solution. The nowhere to go feeling opens the door to “I want to Die“.

The liquid of relaxation and other things that flows into your body is a feeling of a fix, but it is only a blanket pulled over your spirit hiding from your sight what is still there. The problems seem to go far away, but to return to the foot of your bed or in your front door. Your flesh was the intoxicated blanket and your spirit was the hiding child underneath. We have these adult like bodies carrying a spirit child inside them with a need of a more permanent fix. This is where death becomes a salesman selling the lies of a permanent solution or the only way out. Most do not want to admit it, but our child like spirit is desperate for pure true love beyond this world to engulf us that we can trust whole heartily.

How can I make it stop? I don’t feel like I have the ability to make it stop. I feel like I am totally surrounded with nowhere to go and with no one to turn to. No one sees my pain and suffering. They can only see my outside and when I try to share what is on the inside they don’t care. There is nothing, no one, no where that can help me. These are just a few things that gather around us, locking hands, and trying to block our view past them. I will agree with you. We all need more than ourselves and others to help us overcome the “I Want To Die” feeling. Somebody please help me.

The man I mentioned earlier whose spirit was surrounded by bad spirits voicing their desires all around him did the one thing that we all can do. They were polluting his soul. If we can get ourselves to the feet of Jesus. He is that someone greater than ourselves and others to help us overcome the  “I Want To Die” thoughts and feelings. The man could not personally handle those evil spirits just like we feel overwhelmed, but he did not have to handle them by himself. He ran his body full of those dark evil thoughts and spirits down to the feet of Jesus who was full of God as God handled, Spirit to spirits, the sweet releasing freedom from the grip of darkness.

That is great for him, but how do I get to the feet of Jesus he is in heaven? Start speaking his name, Jesus, and pouring out what is written on your pages of your spirit to him. If you go after him like that man you will start to feel his presences fill the air about you. You will feel a powerful goose bump presences of light flowing over you and embracing you. Take all those bad things in your spirit book and tell him you don’t want to have anything to do with them anymore in the pages of your life. What you are doing is taking back your spirit book from the “I Want To Die” into your hands, turning around with it, and handing it to Jesus to help start writing good things in a new chapter of your life. This is the first step of your freedom. While you are saying his name, Jesus, and his presences is upon you, go past the first step of surrendering your body into surrendering your spirit to him. This is the power we all need on the inside to overcome the things on the outside removing the being alone and the relying on of others. Seeking Him first and His kingdom all these other things will be added unto you (Mtt. 6:33). You are headed towards the second birth that will save you from the second death while aiding you along through this life.

You and I need the right power inside of us to overcome and not be so dependent on others. The man had the legion of evil spirits trying to hold him hostage to their power. Jesus, the man, had the fullness of God in him bodily (Col. 2:9) showing him the free choices of the things in this life that he could choose. We all stand in this doorway of either having the voices of this world telling us what to do or we have God as our roommate showing us the right way. Don’t be alone with the wrong things talking into your ears. What do you have inside of you right now at this moment?

I called out to him, Jesus. I handed him my spirit book of eternal pages that could only be erased by his eternal Spirit because there is no power outside of him that can fix our spirit book inside of us. The world cannot erase it for it is written on eternal pages of a spirit. The devil cannot erase it because he is not the Creator, but a creation. I cannot erase it because I, too am just a creation and not God. I told him about those pages of torment and sins in my life repenting of never wanting to have anything to do with them again. He took my repentance and my spirit book into himself, erasing them with His blood through his name in water baptism (Acts 2:38). I surrendered in complete trust my spirit feeling him all over me then going inside of me deep into where my spirit was with a joy unspeakable embracing my heart, flowing upward and outward with His Spirit speaking the joy and praises in another language I did not learn helping me to express the fullness of His glory that the flesh of man cannot express, but by His Spirit.

Now, the “I Want To Die” is under the right understanding and the right control. Death from this life is still going to happen, but under the right control and the right timing with God inside. No longer do the voices of this world have the power to push you to die in a sinful condition that the second death of your spirit will send you to the eternal place of torment, but you can have a life that when you do die you go past the second death’s door straight into eternal Life’s door. Take back what rightfully belongs to you.

I” still “Want To Die“, but to die the right death. You mean there is a right death as opposed to a wrong death? Yes, there is a right and wrong death. The wrong death is what we spoke of earlier dying with our spirit book full of bad and evil things. The right death is dying daily to those wrong things that want to enter into our spirit book after we have been born again. Our eternal pages of sin were erased by the blood eraser of Jesus Christ and He gave us His Spirit to guide us into all truth writing our eternal pages with the right things.

This is what I want you to be able to say with the authority of God backing you. “I Want To Die” the right death no longer living this life with my own or this world’s understandings, but by Jesus Christ who lives inside of me. The life that I now live in this body, I want to live by the faith, power, and guidance of Jesus Christ, who loved me and gave himself for me (Gal. 2:20, Ro. 8:14).

I, now, know that “I Want To Die” so that Jesus might live in me for I know when He lives in me the things written into my eternal pages has the greatest editor filtering the lies and deceptions of this world and the spirits that dwells in it. May you have the light of God inside your eyes and ears of your spirit leading you and guiding you with a story that all of heaven will long to hear.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.