We all would love to have someone who totally gets us. The type of humor, the concerns, the personal needs, the perceptions, and the understanding of goals in life. For two people to be as one is a relationship with very low divisions and misunderstandings between them. It is like the old saying, “united we stand, divided we fall” meaning together you can make a solid stand in life and divided you are on your own.
“Two People As One” is the perfect dream relationship. It is a relationship in which two parties act as one mind, heart, body, and spirit. It is a relationship you know what the other is going to say before they say it. It is like those people you meet that can finish each others sentences. They know to do things without any words being said and the moods they are in even if they are trying to hide them.
A term we all have come to know over the years about a relationship being one has been called, “soul mates“. Some call the oneness in temperament, attitude, or beliefs as “soul mates“. It is a connection in perception and understanding of your spirit to the other person’s spirit – all the inside stuff. Does this not sound like “Two Single People as One“?
WHAT YOU DON’T SEE
There are multiple factors involved with dating and courtships. The majority of us only see the basics we are looking for in a person. Our bodies is the first thing everyone sees, which is surface judgment. The activities you are doing is another aspect and the talking also plays a part. You see how they handle themselves, interact with others, and what they have that you like known as the attraction.
This is where a certain blindness occurs. All of us have two influential sources voicing their opinions in our minds. These influences will guide us to certain areas of our bodies. Our eyes will narrow down to certain areas we want the most to have in our lives. Our ears will hear only the things we want to hear oblivious to other truthful hints to their personality. Our nose will draw in the enchanting aromas we love to smell. Our taste buds will absorb the flavors we love the most ignoring any bad things. Our sense of touch will arouse feelings of addictions.
The phrase “love is blind” is a reference towards a narrow focus a person may have towards someone or thing. You are locked on one/two aspect(s) of a person or thing. The blindness is in “the source” guiding us towards the person we want to date, get with, or even to marry. Knowing the source is the “what we don’t see“. Our personal goals we want to achieve and/or the physical pleasure is the deception making “love is blind” to other things that could actually be deal breakers.
MANY SOURCES BEHIND YOUR EYES
This is where all of us differ in the sources inside of ourselves we listen to the most. This is where you can imagine what percentages of the sources you give permission to guide you. If you don’t know your sources. I hope at the end you will see these “behind the scenes” sources that have been influencing your decisions.
The first and foremost hidden driving source/reason is the flesh. Some people get in their heads they want to be one with someone because of their body only. This is the source of the flesh wanting flesh. The depth of becoming one is based on the level of your flesh wanting their flesh without knowing their sources/reasons for desiring you. You are looking from one angle while they might be looking from another angle. For some this is all they want, which reveals the source they live this life by. Flesh on flesh is a natural thing that everyone can do just like nature, but the inside attitudes comes with those bodies you have to deal with on a daily basis.
The flesh source/reason can focus a certain color of hair and length it wants. Do you like a certain color of hair or even baldness? A certain kind of height and weight can be a preference of the flesh source guiding your eyes. Your flesh source can watch certain activities the person is doing and narrow your vision to those things whether it is how they carry themselves, body parts, dance, sing, play sports, art, special programs, church activities, politics, and many other things I am sure you can think of.
This is only one part of yourself seeking to be one with someone else based on the flesh source. This is a drawing power you feel from your flesh wanting to be one with their flesh. This is only your flesh source, excluding your spirit side and NOT truly knowing their source for wanting you. Your flesh is not all of you. You have your spirit side of ways of thinking when your flesh is talking so much.
LOPSIDED UNBALANCED RELATIONSHIP
Once you achieve what your flesh source guided you into believing you wanted a reality sets in about what they truly wanted. Your flesh to flesh may not match their flesh and spirit desires. You find out the hard way their attitude, way of thinking, way of doing things, and mannerisms do not match any of yours. In this relationship all you have is a flesh to flesh and their desires are not at your level of desires. You find out that you two cannot be one because what you want to be one with the most is not what they want to be one with.
Their spirit is the temperament, attitude, beliefs, habits, and mannerisms source guiding them along with their flesh source. Everybody wants an idea body for a mate, but their attitude maybe focused on something else. People who have goals, certain careers, and status in life could be looking at you past your body into what you would bring to their goals in life. What would you add in support to their career. Your body may not be the main source of their focus on you. It could be focused on who you are connected to, what you represent, or the status you possess.
You could be 80% flesh driven and they maybe 20% flesh driven with an 80% attitude driven, but this is not discovered until way later in the relationship when the truth comes out. The flesh driven could be like the girl who wants the quarterback and will do whatever to convince him to look in her direction. Her point of source could be unbalanced to the career the quarterback wants to have in a woman or vice versa. It is a tricky deception that can be in both people.
WHAT YOU HEAR
You hear from people throughout life saying different reasons why they married the person they married. Some would bluntly say, “I married her/him for her body“, “I married him/her for the stability“, “I married because of a career goal“, “I married because I did not have a any or better choice“, “I thought we would make beautiful children“, “…because of kindness“, “…we completed each other” “… I did not want to be alone“, “…a sure thing and security“.
You can break down everyone of these reasons to the hidden sources driving the decisions whether good or bad. You will find out shocking truths. If you are an accountable person the reality could be hurtful or good. No matter how noble or selfish the long term relationship will not be “Two People As One“.
My flesh and your flesh has its own agenda. If we did NOT control it to some degree. We eat all the cookies, ice cream, candies, and other foods in the world we want. This same fleshly source is speaking to your mind its own agenda of pleasures convincing you about another person you think you want or have got to have. What the flesh wants is not always good for you, especially if you are looking the ideal of another person completing you as one.
My spirit and your spirit has its own agenda. If we did NOT control it to some degree. We would mentally lock onto things convinced into the mind to the point of total blindness to reality and truth. Our spirit can become so jealous or envious the thoughts can easily imagine dangerous ways of forcing things in our direction. What we focus our minds on are not always meant to be for us, especially if it is a person we “think” will be a certain way matching our fantasies.
We have our spirit and flesh deceptions within ourselves and they have their spirit and flesh deceptions within themselves bringing together two blind people who are only seeing one thing.
TWO PEOPLE AS TWO
After you get with someone the hidden sources in yourself come to the surface of your expectations and the hidden sources they live by come to the surface revealing you are NOT as one as you first thought. After the dating is over and the day to day routine sets in some unexpected traits emerge exposing their reason of getting with you. Your first year of marriage is always the toughest because these things come out now that you feel you got them.
Your 80% reason of getting together does not match their 80% reason. You may have been after their body, but their body does not want that part from you as much. They wanted more of communication and let the other happen every once in a while. You may have been after them for a career they knew you liked, but their career was to play house and not go anywhere in life. These are devastating discoveries.
The relationship you thought was going to be as one turns out to be two people with separate goals and needs. Your needs does not match what they think are needs and their needs do not match what you think are needs. The hidden sources driving you towards them and their hidden sources driving them towards you come to the surface as opposites.
Two people that came together as one end up as two separate roommates in the same home sharing the needs of the bills and chores of the home. One may become more of a caretaker of the other making up for the hidden truth of themselves during the dating period. One may become a constant teacher to the other explaining things that would normally be understood by an average person. One may become the manager of the money because the hidden source in the other was to spend money today and worry about it tomorrow. It becomes a roommate sharing a place doing the things expected for maintaining the place and not the relationship.
THE GOOD ONES
The good ones put up with the hidden sources of their mate. They are always being there for them when an average person would need no help. The good one is always being resourceful and a solutionist for the mate they thought would be a partner of completion. One mate ends up with 80% (this percentage may run higher or lower) burden of the other instead of sharing a life equal one with another leaving them lacking with life they wanted to live.
The good ones are the ones that hang into the relationships as long as they can. Some actually are so committed to the relationship that death from either one and/or divorce from the other is what they are waiting for. The good ones have fallen victim to the hidden sources in themselves misleading them about the other and the other hiding their motives for wanting to be with them.
It is a terrible thing when you finally see the hidden sources/reasons after the fact and you find out you were partially at fault. Especially, if you are a person who takes responsibility for your own actions.
THE KNOWING/NOT KNOWING BAD ONES
In this search for a mate to “complete you” runs into those who are looking for someone to be a slave to their desires. Some know purposely what they are doing to trap the good ones and some subconsciously act out the part the good ones are looking for hiding their own hidden agendas. The bad ones have a hidden “my way the highway” and “it is my world and you live in it” attitude, but it is not revealed during the dating stages. The hidden sources in both parties unrevealed.
The bad ones are the ones that hang into a relationship because they know they have a good thing and why would they leave. Some are aware of their selfish ways and some are oblivious to the hurt and pain of their selfishness. Some bad ones have a “don’t care” that was no where around in the facade of “love you” front during the dating.
BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD SPOT
The common factor of the hidden sources are founded upon “selfishness“. You are listening to your sources as you are looking for the person that matches your ideas. They are watching you to see if you match the ideas of their hidden sources. All of us are drawing our desires from the hidden sources within ourselves not knowing completely our flesh is wanting a flesh relationship, our eyes are wanting a certain status, and our pride is wanting a specific matching level. This creates a tough spot between seeing and hearing with clear perception and understanding of the person you are interested. This is the blindness battleground inside of us if we are aware and “if not” then the tunnel vision of our desires takes over.
“Selfishness” can hid itself in good intentions or purposely known with bad intentions. Bad “Selfishness” is the kind that refuses to change. It wants what it wants. It is the kind that demands you to adapt to their ways forsaking your thoughts or ideas. Good intentions “Selfishness” may have a noble cause in mind, but that is all it sees and it will miss any clues that will be toxic to the cause. The merging as one is lost and the fight for happiness becomes a survival daily task.
NO FIX FOR SOME
“No Fix For Some” are the ones who are in denial or cannot see themselves at all in actions or process of thought. All the helps in the world cannot fix the hidden sources in a person if they are “NOT WILLING” to compromise into a mutual agreement. If you marry such a person you will never be on equal ground. They will always be in their world doing things their way and you are left with getting on their highway regardless of what you think. This is a person conscious or subconsciously concerned with themselves, concentrating on their own advantages, pleasures, and well-being without regard of others. Changing is totally their choice and God’s department.
It is like the old saying, “you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink“. You can try all kinds of different methods to try to help them for years and only see a tiny change if any. You can go to all the marriage counseling, if you can get them there, all you want, but it will still be based upon a “willing to change” factor. The people who have a “Two People As One” marriage or relationship have NO CLUE or experience to advise those who are in a divided personality and physical goals in life. You can read a book, but it is dead without real life experiences. You can have all the faith in the world, but without some works or actions that faith is dead.
A person cannot be fixed when they are locked onto the desires of their selfish flesh, desire of their eyes, and the selfish pride of their life (1 Jn. 2:16). It is a clash of their hidden sources they draw from to your hidden sources you draw from opposing you both from becoming as one – the soul mate relationship. Optimistic is great, having faith is great, but there are still people today who act like Pharaoh did towards Moses refusing to change.
Sad Side Note: Unfortunately, it is sad to say some people fall into the category of a relationship they were to be the caretaker of the other because without your goodness God gave you they would be lost and possibly abused by someone else with less understanding of their issues.
TWO PEOPLE AS ONE
You cannot follow your heart alone and end up with the right person. You cannot follow your mind alone and end up with the right person. You cannot follow your spirit alone and end up with the right person. Each one of these alone WILL guide you into the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. The desire of the flesh, eyes, and pride of life are not only inside in you, but also in the one you locked your eyes upon to date and marry.
To find the person God meant for you takes your mind, heart, and soul while listening to God. A clear mind is essential in seeing the clues of the raw truth about the other person discerning what things would be a deal breaker that you could not tolerate or live with the rest of your life. The controlling belief of the heart watching for parallel desires and passions because the needs of the two must be able to support, satisfy, and complete each other – not one sided. The soul must maintain a clear connection with God patiently listening and willing to accept truth that may be hard, but none the less the truth that leads to a freedom in the relationship of becoming one.
TAKE THE TIME
The sources within our flesh put a pressure of hurry up and find someone or you will never have anyone. The flesh will lie with it is better to have anyone than no one. Taking the time to see with perception and watch with understanding goes against that “hurry up” feeling. Patiently, finding the right one is better than the wrong one and even if you end up with no one. If you end up with no one you will find there are people in your life that need you and rely upon you like that special someone in your life.
Taking the time will help you sift through the person who is looking for a marriage of flesh to flesh only and not realizing it until after some time in marriage when their needs are not being satisfied. Anyone can have a physical flesh to flesh relationship, but it is the spirit to spirit that NOT everyone finds. You better count yourself extremely blessed if you have a relationship that is flesh to flesh needs and spirit to spirit fellowship – EXTREMELY BLESSED.
The ratios in marriages today of being uneven are more than ever before if you look at the divorce rate. This is because the “Take the Time” factor was overtaken and the “need it now” pushed it aside and charged forward. Your 80% fleshly needs could be conflicting with her 20% fleshly needs, while she is wanting the 80% companionship to be satisfied with your hidden 10% companionship desires.
START AN UNSPOKEN TEST
You need to come up with a good and not a hurtful test. This is just an example and not a complete answer. (1) On the first date see if they will go out with you and just have fun as though you were both best friends with no real physical contact or a kiss at the end of the date – watch their body language and reaction. This could be applied to several dates to see if they like you for your fellowship or is it your body they want.
(1a) If they are upset with you afterwards or you hear they have talked about you later then their source of influence was more than likely 80% and higher from their flesh. They wanted a flesh to flesh relationship. Flesh to flesh relationships make you just a number added to their bragging rights.
(1b) If they were fine with no physical participation it could be patients on their part of the 80% flesh or there is more to their hidden source than 80% flesh. There could be a mixture of spirit to spirit relationship. Some of the most successful “Two People As One” marriages have come from being “best friends” foundation. Someone you can laugh with, share your deepest feelings and thoughts with them understanding equally with you.
(2) On the date you feel it is alright you could test them with a holding of hands. At this time there will be a stress on those who are 80% wanting a flesh to flesh relationship or if they truly enjoy your spirit (way of thinking, humor, personality, etc) they will count holding your hand as an awesome thing and no problem if it goes no further than that on the date. Take the time to find out what they truly want from you and at the same time asking yourself what you want from them.
(2a) Their words and personality will change applying pressure and the “whys” pop out. This is a clue their hidden source to being with you is a higher percentage of their body wanting your body and not so much your personality inside. Anyone can be physical with one another because it is nature at work, but what nature does not consider is the afterwards when spirit to spirit have to get along with the pressures of life.
(2b) If they are happy with you and your limitations with a “just glad to be with you” attitude. You may have someone who is more balanced with their hidden sources guiding them. It could be a 70% flesh and 30% spirit. You will not truly know until you continue to watch and listen.
(3) If they have lasted a long time with the limitations. You can start testing the goals in life they have, get them talking about what they love the most, find out their hobbies, and anything they focus their hidden sources of influence on. Try to see them in all situations before committing yourself further. For example try to see them in a sad, frustrated, mad, pet pees, and stressful moments to see their true nature. Everyone tends to put their best side forward during the capturing you stages.
People can hold up an outward appearances very well and it is up to you make them feel free to be themselves revealing their true nature while you are deciding if you match them equally. The hidden sources can deceive them and yourself if you allow them to go unchecked. Spare yourself from a life-time commitment to someone who is 90% about themselves and 10% about your needs.
If you are trying to live up to marrying one person for the rest of your life, a careful and watchful approach may save you from being miserable, incomplete, and starving for a fulfilled life. No one truly understands Apostle Paul when he said, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.” (1 Cor. 7:8) until they are in a marriage that is difficult.
May God bless you with overflowing wisdom in finding your “Two Single People As One” and for those who are in the situation of being “Two People As Two” (like roommates), the extra wish of an inward deep fellowship of God’s Spirit upon you in a double portion measurement.