Month: July 2020

Beyond All Creations

God created angels in the knowledge of good and light with the freedom of choice. Some of them made the choice of taking the knowledge of evil mixing it with their created knowledge of good. They were taken over by evil and kicked out of heaven separated, contained and controlled. ONLY God can handle inside Himself both the knowledge of good and the knowledge of evil.

If I AM going to create another being I want it to be like Me if I were of solid form, God could have thought. God took His All Knowing, All Powerful, and All Present Spirit forming a being/creation that could represent Him as an image and likeness if He were of solid form.

This is where the “Word” existed in God. The “Word” was His plan, His thoughts, and His Spirit blueprint for the next round of creations. God does not need a paper blueprint to flip through the pages to remind Himself of the details. He created heaven with a throne among His stars in the high clouds on the mount before His assembly of angels (Is. 14). He wanted a place He could focus His All knowing, All Present, and All Powerful Godhead with angels surrounding that form.

It was no different with this next round of creations to be surrounded by God’s “Word“/plan. This time instead of a place that is All light, All goodness, and All love with only eternal beings surrounding His Spirit focused Godhead He started His creation in the formless void and darkness.

Remember God is the ONLY ONE that can handle the knowledge of good and the knowledge of evil. He is the ONLY ONE who can separate, contain, and control evil keeping it in its place. He warned his creations of what would happen if they choose the knowledge of evil releasing its power on them. God had light within Himself and darkness, but His power of choice locks the other one totally away, but the other creations do not have His power.

God’s choice of a place was of light, goodness, and love ONLY (heaven), but some of His angels with the freedom of choice wanted darkness. Evil overtook them converting them into demons of evil and darkness because they were never meant to have inside of them like God the knowledge of good and the knowledge of evil.

God’s master “Word“/plan was to create a place more like Him. It had light we know as the sun and darkness falls upon the earth in a rotation of time. He separated, contained, and controlled darkness with the cycle of time before the sun, moon, and stars. He separated the water, land, and air with living creatures having their existence in all layers. God is a Spirit beyond any layers we can comprehend.

Then God starts forming His perfect “Word” design of His image and likeness from the dust of the earth. He breathed His Spirit of life into that body creating a child of Himself with a tiny portion of His All Knowing, All Power, and All presence (Gen. 2:19) focused into a physical being with a living eternal soul (Gen. 2:7), but not with the fullness of His Godhead because that was His pattern for Himself. Mankind would be His children/offspring (Acts 17:28).

This man child image and likeness of God was surrounded by light and darkness on the earth. Unlike the first around creations of eternal angels living only in the light of heaven with no rotation of darkness. The man God named Adam was surrounded by both light and darkness. As God has both the knowledge of good and the knowledge of evil.

Again, God wanted creations of light, goodness, and love. He created Adam with eyes that could ONLY SEE in the light of day and was never meant to see in the darkness. You and I don’t have eyes that can see in the pitch black of night. Adam was suppose to sleep in the darkness in peace.

Could the sun, darkness, and the earth be a reflection of God? He chose to see only in the Light and the darkness remains asleep separated, contained, and controlled. Lucifer and the other angels by their own free will woke up and activated the God level of the knowledge of evil releasing darkness upon all of them, which resulted being cast out of heaven and becoming demons.

It was a total different story when God’s children made from the “Word” pattern chose to take in the knowledge of evil like the fallen angels. Adam and Eve were made from the perfect “Word” design of God’s image and likeness. They were made from the ONLY ONE who can handle both the knowledge of good and evil without being taken over.

Adam and Eve were not like the angels. God inserted His perfect “Word” design of Himself, if His Godhead were to be focused in solid form, into the reproduction of mankind as a seed of promise to come for the sole purpose of redemption for His children (Gen. 3:15).

Adam and Eve could not on their own separate, contain, and control the knowledge of evil, but God can. The promise birth of His perfect “Word” pattern of Himself would give us a chance and power through Him to learn to separate, contain, and control the knowledge of evil in this life. We could become like Him.

Jesus is the “Word” plan of God in flesh form. Jesus is the image of the invisible God, being the firstborn of all creation. God created everything through this focused Godhead of His All Knowing, All Power, and All Presence Spirit through Jesus the Spirit “Word” pattern, plan, thought, and idea. The heavens and the earth were created by Him and are held together by Him (Col. 1:15-17).

You see God focused His All Knowing, All Power, and All Presence into the perfect man with the ability to handle all things like God in His Spirit form (Col. 2:9). God is the ONLY ONE to separate, contain, and control the knowledge of evil and Jesus was that perfect man pattern if God were solid (1 Tim. 3:16). You cannot checkmate God’s perfect “Word” pattern.

When Jesus the man was born you will notice he was constantly saying and doing what God was showing and telling him. Jesus was also constantly separating, containing, and controlling the encounters with evil. God inside of Jesus was making a way for us to be born again with the ability to separate, contain, and control evil/temptation that we encounter in this life.

To truly separate, contain, and control evil in our flesh and the encounters of this world we must be born again into the body of Jesus Christ for there we will have the ability to live a life of God. We can do all things through Jesus Christ, but without the power of his blood and his Spirit we cannot do it or make it to heaven.

Jesus was the man paving the way and the example of how a true child of God should be. We cannot defeat sin by ourselves. Jesus the man is the perfect “Word” in flesh (Jn. 1:14). In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God (Jn. 1:1). God and His “Word” plan are the same (Jn. 1:2).

Remember, how I said, “God is the ONLY ONE that can handle the knowledge of good and the knowledge of evil. He is the ONLY ONE who can separate, contain, and control evil.” God is All-Present and that means evil is inside of Him. Both sides of God with the knowledge of good and the knowledge of evil are equal in God. All the goodness in God is completely good and the evil inside God is completely evil. God’s choice is the good side to be active and the evil side inactive.

All things in God are eternal. His goodness and evil sides are eternal. He chose His goodness and evil was asleep separated, contained, and controlled by His choice. Some angel’s and mankind’s choices woke up and released the activity of the evil side of God. Jesus is the ONLY WAY, the ONLY TRUTH, and the ONLY LIFE back to God (Jn 14:6) that can pay equally the debt owed in God.

It takes the goodness of God to cancel out the knowledge of evil. Jesus is on that level to cancel out the debt of the sin of death. Jesus is on that level that he can pay our debt because God Almighty is inside of him (Col. 1:20). We cannot beat death on our own. The devil and his angels cannot beat the knowledge of evil because they were not made in the image and likeness of God. They cannot have anyone on that level for them, but we have Jesus on our level and God’s level to pay our debt God’s way.

The blood of Jesus is on God’s level of payment for our sins to the law of the knowledge of evil. The Spirit of Jesus is on God’s level of regeneration for us to learn everyday how to separate, contain, and control evil in our lives and to live free once again in heaven. The law of the knowledge of evil must be paid on the same level of God by the knowledge of good embodied in Jesus the man.

This is why Jesus said being born of the water and of the spirit is the only way to enter into heaven (Jn. 3). The birth must be on the level with the goodness side of God to beat the knowledge of evil side. Jesus has the power of the Lamb of God to save us.

The blood is not here with us physically, but it is in the name of Jesus. When you are baptized in water with the name of Jesus pronounced over you the blood of forgiveness on the level with God washes away all your past sins (Acts 2:38). This is part of the birth of the water Jesus spoke of (Jn. 3).

The Spirit of Jesus is the ONLY WAY for us to learn and be guided (Jn. 16:13, Eph. 4:15) on handling the evil in our flesh and in this life on a daily basis. Being born of the Holy Spirit is the ONLY WAY to learn to separate, contain, and control the things that trip us in sin. We have no power against the knowledge of sin unless we have the equal guidance of God’s Spirit providing on what to do in the knowledge of good.

This is why the disciples and all of us after them must receive the power of the Holy Spirit yielding ourselves at the level allowing God to speak with our tongue a language He gives us to speak (Acts 2:38). This is a powerful sign to you, yourself, and anyone around you that God has filled you with the power of His Spirit guiding you into all truth learning daily to separate, contain, and control evil inside your life for the purpose of your soul being saved.

God did not stop pouring His Spirit in this powerful way. There are no scriptures that says God no longer fills people with the power of His Spirit speaking in tongues as He gives the utterance. If God wanted to give it to you would you not want it? The change to God’s plan of salvation is a ploy and a deception to keep people from receiving the equal level power of God’s goodness paying the debt to the knowledge of evil that even the angels cannot recover from.

Do you see why angels are puzzled by us? Angels long to look into how this can be with us (1 Peter 1:12). We were created by the perfect “Word” pattern of God Himself that can control, separate, and contain evil keeping it in its place. Jesus gives us the ability to live born again as true children of God handling the knowledge of evil by choosing God’s path of goodness.

You and I can learn everyday how to separate, contain, and control the evil things we see, hear, and encounter through Jesus Christ. He is alive. Are you alive in Him?

The Man Made of Words

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”

The “Word” was the plan like a detailed blueprint in the Spirit of God. God does not need a paper blueprint laid out to turn from page to page refreshing His memory. His Spirit was holding the embodied thought of the complete plans for a design of Himself if He were to be in solid form.

We do not need to separate God in thinking He needs a counterpart to help Him with His designs of creations. The “Word” sounds separate when you continue to read “…and the Word was with God…“, but we cannot stop there or we will in our minds try to divide God. At this point our minds are putting the “Word” beside God because of the word “with“. If you can see it is like a thought or idea you have in your head that is with you separate from other plans you may have mixed up in there God had His Word plan for the next round of creations in His spiritual head.

The “Word” is God’s way of helping us see with what understanding we can have about His All Knowledge because we (mankind) individually or collectively do NOT have All knowledge between our ears. We have thoughts, ideas, and make plans from our minds. We put down our ideas on paper like a blueprint holding all the details to keep us on track, which creates our word is with us in planning. God is trying to simplify for us His All Knowledge is concentrated through the “Word” form applying to creation His Knowledge, Power, and Presence. His Word in His Spirit is the detailed blueprint that is always with Him and He never needs to look at it for refreshing His memory because they are Him.

God is connecting Himself from the last part of the sentence “…the Word was God” making them one of the same to the first part of the sentence “In the beginning was the Word…” that He had His detailed plans in His Spirit before creation and the middle part of the sentence links or bridges for us that His All Knowledge is always with Him.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” You can almost wrap your mind around it if you bring these words into your mind as though you were saying them. In the beginning I had the idea, and the idea was in/with my mind, and the idea is me in the expression/style I would do things.

On our level we need blueprints to build skyscrapers. On God’s level He never needs reminders of what He is building. The “Word” to God was already existing before He created the physical existence because His idea was of Himself if He were of solid form. If God were solid physically He chose His Word/All Knowledge to be a “He” and that He/Word/Plan/Idea was with God in the beginning (Jn. 1:2) to go through this second round of creations.

SECOND ROUND OF CREATIONS

This is where we see Him creating His second round of creations. He saw how some of His first round of creations, angels, wanted the knowledge of evil thinking it would be enough to use against Him and overtake Him (Is. 14:11-15), but He/God was the ONLY ONE who could handle separating, containing, and controlling evil. His plan/Word for the angels were to be made of the eternal knowledge of good and light ONLY, but they did have absolute freedom of choice.

Since God had some angels choose the knowledge of evil corrupting their knowledge of good and light to darkness and evil, being cast out of heaven, converted into demons God decided the second round of creations would be different.

He created another place besides heaven (only made of light), but a place with light and darkness. He created a place that would reflect more of what is inside Himself. You see God chose goodness and light to be what He wanted to exist. All angels were originally created in goodness and light. Heaven was His desire with no darkness even though it existed in Him. He separated, contained, and controlled the knowledge of evil within Himself with no activity as though it was asleep.

God moved in the darkness in a place that without form and void. In this darkness He created the sun to shine light. He separated light from darkness and continued creating things separated in their own environment (Ge. 1:1).

NOT ANGELS – MANKIND

Instead of creating angels on the earth God decided to create something in the likeness and the image of Himself. God had His plan of Himself as the “Word“. God already had experienced angels choosing darkness. He wanted something like Himself that could handle both good and evil. God created a man from His “Word” pattern. The “Word” was the perfect man because He was God and what God would be if He Himself were a physical man.

God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed His Spirit inside of him creating a living soul powered by God’s Spirit, which you do realize His Spirit has within itself All Knowledge, All Power, and All Presence everywhere. This man, Adam, had the ability to be like his Father, but he too had the freedom of choice. His living soul was free to choose.

God was prepared if Adam chooses like some of the angels did with the knowledge of evil. Anything of God Himself will be prepared for whatever. Mankind’s pattern is far different than the angels pattern. Mankind was created in a place that had light and darkness, whereas heaven only has light. Mankind was created with eyes to only see in the light of day and to sleep in the darkness of night. Our eyes were created only to see in the light.

Mankind was created after the image and likeness of God if He were to be of solid form. God wanted man to see in the light only and to sleep in peace when darkness came. Could this be a reflection of God’s attitude towards light and darkness? God wants all (angels, mankind) to see in the light of the knowledge of good and be asleep in peace against the darkness not seeing the evils (death, disease, torment, etc) it would bring forth if anyone would choose it. Worth reading again.

God’s “Word” pattern of Himself (Jesus) was made of life and light (Jn. 1:4). Adam was created in hopes he would choose to stay with God and God’s choice of the knowledge of good only. Adam and Eve chose the knowledge of evil like some of the angels did and were totally corrupted with darkness because they were NOT meant to be like God with the power to separate, contain, and control darkness.

YOU CAN’T CHECKMATE GOD

Because His children fell to sin God had His personal Man/Word pattern in His mind as a life-giving Spirit, made in the image of heaven (1 Cor. 15:45-49) to go into operation for salvation. God inserted His seed into the birth of generations to be born to save all of the whosoever wills of mankind. His made of Word pattern was going to be born in mankind to redeem them. The predestination was in the Word/Man, Jesus, prepared before the foundation of the world in case mankind chose the knowledge of evil.

All of us are born into sin (Ro. 3:23). We are born into this world bearing the image of Adam made of the dust of the earth (1 Cor. 15:48). Every child born from Adam and Eve were born with the sinful image and nature of the knowledge of evil. We are all born under the inherited condition of Adam’s image. We are born with the knowledge of evil naturally at work in our bodies and spirit, but we not locked into a predestination of punishment because God put His predestined saving promise in the birth of Jesus to give us an option.

God took His perfect blueprint of His Spirit, His Word, of the image and likeness man was suppose to be like and came to earth in the fullness of His Godhead (Col. 2:9) to provide and show us the way to be born again freed from the God required law of death the knowledge of evil demanded.

You cannot checkmate God on this creation of Himself if He were of solid form. He had the option of coming Himself in this physical form that represented Himself. The Creator can come in His own image and likeness turning around the checkmate to the opponent. God did not want the knowledge of evil to dominate, but for a balance of living a life in the knowledge of good and learning to separate, contain, and control the knowledge of evil as He does.

JOINING THE CHECKMATE SIDE

If you want to trade your image of Adam (death) for the image of Jesus (life) you will need to be born again, which makes sense because you were naturally born into sin Adam passed down to all generations and being born again replaces that birth with the spiritual birth in Jesus.

Peter explained the born again steps that has never changed from the first church in the Bible to our present day and on into the future until the Lord comes to take us home. Peter said three simple things: Repent, water baptism in Jesus name, and receive the Holy Spirit. Repenting (Your promise) is simply not wanting to be like the knowledge of evil and sinning any more. Water baptism (water birth) in Jesus name is applying the blood of forgiveness washing away all your sins. Receiving the Holy Spirit (Spirit birth) is God filling you with His power (Acts 2:4) to regenerate your spirit and have Him as your teacher inside with your spirit fellowshipping together (Acts 2:38).

This second birth in Jesus is applying the image and likeness God originally meant for man to maintain, but Adam and Eve did not have what it took to maintain themselves in the knowledge of good only. Jesus gives us through the born of the water and of the spirit birth the heavenly image and the life-giving Spirit. It converts us from the people being born of the dust of the earth, Adam, to the people born from heaven, Jesus, the man made of God’s Word. The flesh and blood of our bodies, Adam’s image, cannot go to heaven because it is made of death and decay. (1 Cor. 15:45-50). Our spirit will be given a new body like Jesus to handle the light of heaven.

SECOND BIRTH MADE OF

The understanding of the totality of Jesus being a man of flesh and being the focused Godhead of God’s All Present , All Knowing, and All Powerful Spirit is the key that unlocks the mysteries to us of God. Our flesh, Adam’s image of the knowledge of evil, cannot understand the things of the Spirit of God to the point of counting it all foolishness. We have to get inside the Spirit of God to see God as He truly is (1 Cor. 2:14, 10) and He will help us if we only ask, seek, and knock.

Jesus the man is made of God’s Word, which is God’s Spirit inside a fleshly body made up of the knowledge of good (God’s image) and NO corruption of the knowledge of evil (Adam’s image). The first thing to see is the power difference of Adam and Jesus (mankind and God). There is no power equal to the debt sin owed to the knowledge of evil for the payment of death in Adam or mankind, but this also includes all creations.

There is ALL Power inside of Jesus to pay with the innocences of the Knowledge of good the debt of sin through death making all free through Jesus the man and God All in One. This is why you find scriptures that Jesus and the Father (Spirit side of God) are one (Jn. 10:30). God brought His Power to face the power of the knowledge of evil head on through the man Jesus representing the man pattern of the His original image and likeness.

Jesus the man was made of flesh created by God’s knowledge of good only, inside Mary, with God (Father, Word, Holy Spirit are all the same) inside of Jesus with His focused fullness. God’s focused fullness of His Godhead does NOT mean His presence was subtracted from anywhere else. It simply means God flowed through and inside Jesus the man a concentration of His unlimited Spirit.

Jesus the man had the Power, Knowledge, and Presence of God Himself as one with his water and blood inside his body. God was in Jesus for the purpose of reconciling the world unto Himself and with the blood and water of the man Jesus shed on the cross for our sins, which gave us the option for all who accepts Jesus to have their sins removed and replaced with God’s Word of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:19).

GOD MADE WORDS OF MAN

The knowledge of evil has the power of God requiring the conversion to darkness, death, and suffering. God has two sides within Him. He chose for all creations to know ONLY His knowledge of good. He separated, contained, and controlled by His choice the knowledge of evil. Heaven and all other creations including earth was never created in the knowledge of evil. They were all created in light, goodness, and love. Other creations made the choice, not God, to try their hand at the knowledge of evil and they could not handle that side of God He had put to sleep.

The knowledge of evil had to be met with equal force to put it back in its separated, contained, and controlled state, which is by Jesus Christ, God manifested in the flesh (Col. 1:19). God came in His goodness to save His children from the eternal debt owed to the knowledge of evil.

God made His Spirit Words of Himself shaping the form of a man. God came in His original blueprint of Himself embodying His divine Spirit inside of Jesus to save us. He made His Word that was within Him in the beginning to become flesh, dwelt among us, showing us His glory like the true begotten child of God full of grace and truth (Jn 1:14) that Adam failed to deliver.

To bring us back from the side of the knowledge of evil it took Jesus, God in the flesh, bridging the gap to the side of the knowledge of good saving us and helping us manage the separation, containment, and controlling of the evil we encounter here on earth whether by knowledge or physical interaction. By His Spirit we can become like Him with the power to choose good over evil.

PEOPLE MADE OF GOD’S WORD

Water, blood, and the Holy Spirit is God’s reconciling plan of salvation for us found only in Jesus (Acts 4:12). To become with one with God is to join Him inside Jesus through his water, blood, and Spirit. You will find the only doorway into God is through the water, blood and Spirit of Jesus because he is the only one who has all three inside him. The only image and likeness of God is in Jesus, God’s true Word plan and form. Water baptism in Jesus name applies the blood washing away all things and receiving his Spirit makes you one with God once again.

Now, you can live life daily learning the right way by God’s guiding Spirit into all truth (Jn. 16:13) in the knowledge of good while also gaining the power to put the knowledge of evil in a separate, contained, and controlled place within yourself becoming more like God’s child. God did all of this through His original Word plan in the flesh, the blood, and the Spirit in Jesus that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death over you and I (Heb. 2:14).

God gave you Himself “The Man Made of Words” in the flesh of Jesus for the saving of your soul. His love goes far beyond what we could ask or think (Eph. 3:20). It is a beautiful journey to steadfastly ask, seek, and knock upon His door of understanding and wisdom. You can do all things through Christ which gives you strength (Eph. 3:13).

I Cursed Myself

“I Cursed Myself” is something you think about that you have done to yourself. You look back to your past seeing with a fresh and open mind the things you said, the things you have done and/or the things you should have done with the understanding “I did that“, and “I Cursed Myself“.

Sometimes in life you wake up with the dawn of early light shinning in through the window of your mind to a dark area you had never seen before. Your eyes slowly focus on it with a blur to clearly seeing it as it truly is causing a gradual perception seeping into a full blown understanding.

You are seeing truth about yourself and the shock goes from “I did that” or “I caused that” to feeling a sadness slowly flowing over you from your head to your toes. You see yourself at that point and time how you had no clue to what you were doing. You were running along blind to the ripple affects that will follow. Your present time had no thought of the future to come.

Now that you have seen yourself in a truthful clear light the knowledge seems to be ever before you. Right now in your present day the sadness of your choices and actions haunt you. “I Cursed Myself” looms over you daily. You are having to deal with what you feel you have been cursed with everyday because of the reminders all around you.

FORGIVENESS IS POSSIBLE

Before I continue on with living with the “I Cursed Myself” thoughts I want to let you know forgiveness is possible. You can be forgiven, but the hardest part will be forgiving yourself and responding to the daily reminders of your past.

I received my total forgiveness of all of my past from God. I felt like an evil demon to the world full of hate and anger. One morning God whispered in my ear saying, “try Me, you have tried everything else“. I had to agree with God that I had focused my life on doing whatever I wanted to do to people around me as the dawning light began to shine upon “I Cursed Myself” and others.

So, I repented of all my evil words and deeds of the past wanting to do better from now on. I was baptized in water in the name of Jesus applying the power of the blood to remove and forgive all sins (the blood is in Jesus name) fulfilling the born of the water part of salvation (Jn. 3:5). I prayed, though I felt extremely unworthy, for God to fill me with His Holy Spirit, which He said was a promise to all (Acts 2:39), fulfilling the born again of the Spirit part of salvation (Jn 3:5) with the evidence of speaking a language God gives you as a sign His Spirit has moved inside with your spirit (Acts 2:4, 8, 12, 16).

God and His forgiveness helps you carry the “I Cursed Myself” cross through the streets of your everyday life. When we are weak He is strong.

FORGIVEN AND CURSED

The “FORGIVEN AND CURSED” does not sound like they go together, but in our reality in this world they exist together in one place. You can be saved and cursed at the same time. Forgiveness does not erase the evil words and deeds from our memories or others. You can be forgiven, but the hardest part will be forgiving yourself and responding to the daily reminders of your past. The seeds have already been sown and the cultivating is a choice by yourself or others.

One of the strongest steps you can take against the bad words and actions you have done would be taking ownership of those things. I accept the responsibility of “I Cursed Myself” by doing what I did to others. I take the responsibility so strongly in my heart that I will live everyday of my life to being a part of the solutions and no longer being a part of the problems.

You can have a life of forgiveness from God, but you have a seed you have sown in others as a reminder to your flesh the memory is still there along with the physical hurt and pain. You can see it in their eyes and you can hear it in their voice. Your memory does not allow you to escape from the reminders. “I Cursed Myself” still remains in your flesh of what you were.

You can’t run from your own fleshly body. Your saved spirit has to take control of your mind, heart, and strength by the power of God’s word and Spirit. God is the only cure for living in a cursed body that reminds you of your failures. You have the knowledge of “I Cursed Myself“, but you know God has accepted your repentance when you were baptized in Jesus name and He filled you with His Holy Spirit hearing the evidence of Him speaking with your voice. God has forgiven and accepted you into His body as a born again child into His kingdom above your sins giving you His saving power and grace.

SORRY ALL THE TIME

I could not escape from feeling sorry all the time. I would hear something that would remind me of my past. I would see something that would remind me of the pain I caused. If anyone bragged on me I felt unworthy knowing the awful past. A constant beat down, not worthy, and what a terrible person haunts my spirit. People only see my eyes, but they do not read the suffering behind them.

Staying with God in His word and a prayer life of fellowship with Him has brought me wisdom and guidance. He showed me how to convert the sorrow of my past sins into a compassion of service. Feeling sorry for my sins was fueling me to live a better life everyday and a “not going back” resolved attitude. Feeling sorry for my sins keeps me from living a life of pride, arrogance, and being to good to help others. It can help you or hinder you. It can be a rock or a fuel to your life.

I had found even when people will not forgive you or let go of the past you can still walk inside God’s forgiveness speaking and reacting with His seeds of life in the hopes others will find their freedom like you found in God. It does not erase the physical events that occurred in the past from their fleshly minds, but it does plant seeds of life in their spirit for a new dawn of understanding and forgiveness. You can be an example of hope for a better tomorrow. If you can do it, so can they.

IT IS MY FAULT

When you step outside yourself looking at the words spoken or screamed you may see how your words were the spark to get the fire going or the gasoline thrown onto the fire creating a blaze. When you step outside yourself remembering being used by someone you loved that started you on the path of revenge destroying other peoples lives that had nothing to do with your other situation makes you sorry for taking it out on them. When you step outside yourself and see these things you understand “I Cursed Myself“.

“I Cursed Myself” can be simply you choosing someone that would be an asset to your cause only to find out that they hated deep down inside the career you had chosen. You picked them to be a partner in a business because you thought they were a perfect match and the truth came out they could not manage money, “I Cursed Myself” because I asked and believed in them.

We all have brought on different things upon ourselves whether with good intentions or evil intentions the fault lies with us. Living with those choices on a daily basis seems like a cross we must carry through the streets of our life until we reach the hill seemingly faraway.

We can be like the thief on one side of Jesus in denial of our evil deeds or we can be like the other thief accepting our sins with repentance ready to move onto another chapter in our lives bearing who we were converting it into someone better. Carrying our cross in this life is better than facing a death without Jesus.

CONVERT YOUR CURSE DAILY

You must practice everyday converting your curse into being a help, being a part of the solution, being an addition instead of a subtraction, and contributing good with God as your source in you and through you to others.

Take your sadness and regret with open eyes, open ears, and a open heart placing them before God allowing Him the chance to convert it to His healing touch to those who might receive it. It is a crucial part for you and all others to allow the eyes and ears to see with perception and to hear with understanding the raw truth because the knowledge is what God can resolve the battles we all face.

The only way to survive your “I Cursed Myself” memories is to let go of it into God’s hands and let Him sort out the weeds in your life allowing the good wheat He has sown to flourish inside you while others in time will possibly see the change in your life was not a joke, but the real deal from God. Don’t let your spirit get pulled into the wallowing mud of the flesh with depression, regret, and unworthiness. Let the pure water of God wash you daily converting the bad into fuel to do what is right.

Have a great day in-spite of what comes your way. Try God, you have tried everything else.

You Can’t Go With Me

You and I were born together. We experienced life at the same time. From the moment we opened our eyes we started seeing life together. When you were hungry I heard you crying for someone to come feed you. We laughed together when they tickled us. When they would say words to you I helped you repeat them.

We were partners from the beginning. We were meant to be together experiencing everyday life. We caught onto the signals and sounds the adults were showing us. Some we liked and some we did not like. We found out together we cannot always get our way, but you always tried to get me to figure out a way for us to get what you wanted.

I was the brain and your were the one to put things into action. You wanted your older brother to chase you. I told you to kick him in the knee and run. It was funny when you tried to kick him in the knee your little leg could only reach his shin. You started running down the hall with us both laughing out loud that it worked. I saw your older sister and told you to run behind her and you did. You wrapped your little arms around her legs looking up through them to your brother who had stopped chasing you.

I could hear you breathing with excitement and anticipation of what might happen next. I could tell your brother had that look of “I will get you next time“. I heard your sister telling your brother to leave you alone. I thought now you have a refuge to run to anytime you wanted your brother’s attention without any cost until one day an unexpected turn of events.

You did the same thing running down the hall away from your brother hiding behind your sister who is the oldest, but this time the words exiting out of your sister’s mouth was not the same as before. She said your brother’s name and the unexpected happened, “get him” were the words she spoke as she pulled you from behind her turning you over to the clutches of your brother’s fast tickling hands. You laughed so hard that tears rolled out of your eyes.

I knew you loved every minute of it. You loved your brother and sister very much. It did not seem long after that we found ourselves very lonely. You and I did not understand why the house felt so empty. You and I were seemingly always alone now. I did not realize until later the explanation of why we were so alone.

If I understood I would have told you why you do not see your brother and sister much anymore. I would have told you your sister is twelve years older than you and she has gone out into the world to discover for herself a life she wants to live. I would have told you your brother is nine years older than you and he is doing his thing in the world.

If I had known I would have told you your dad was working three jobs to support the family. I would have told you our mom carried us inside her while going to college to go to work helping to support our family. Our emptiness and loneliness could have been more bearable if we understood. We would have understood why mom was so busy when she got home. We would have understood why dad came in so late at night. We would have understood our brother and sister are gone out starting their own life without us.

We were growing up together on our own with the passing moments with mom and dad. We started playing in the woods picking up sticks pretending they were guns playing Cowboys and Indians. The older neighborhood kid got us into a lot of trouble because we did not know what were doing was bad. We both thought he was our friend.

You and I learned to entertain ourselves in the summer with the warm breeze and sunlight flickering down on us through the trees. We played in the snow together following whatever tracks we saw into the rolling hills. We sat on the couch with our knees in the seat and our stomachs against the back looking out through the window at the cloudy skies and the pouring down rain.

LIFE STARTED TO CHANGE

I was slowly finding out how naive I was and could not protect you from things. We both fell into situations we had to find out the hard way it was wrong. You became addicted to smoking cigarettes. You were always pushing me for ways to get or buy more cigarettes. The lies and deceptions started changing us. We developed an appetite of wanting revenge for having our happy naive world destroyed by people pretending to be good.

You started wanting more and more of things while I was having doubts. I felt like you wanted to do things without thinking about them. You were getting caught up in the moments and I was having second thoughts. Little did I know we were slowly separating and going different directions. We were having fights between us below the surface of what people could not see.

We finished elementary school together and went to middle school. We both found the same thing there, but with more intensity. The bullies were bigger and meaner. The ones who wanted to experiment more things conned you into trying them and I followed. We both truly did not know how naive we were until high school.

Right before high school our older brother visited and it was good to see him. He had become our hero that we looked up to through imaging what he would be like if we had truly known him. He wanted to share a few words of advice about the same high school we were going to the next year. He said, “the first year will be like hell and then it gets worse after that“. Of course, being brothers the advice was heard, but not fully understood or believed.

HIGH SCHOOL

We were in the eighth grade, which is the first year of the high school. It was a school from eighth grade to twelfth grade. We both were so excited to be in high school, but the advice came to life so quickly our brother had given. We did not see with understanding that the high school providing dorms for foreign exchange students and out of state students brought in a mixture of experiences.

I did not understand until it was to late the congress kids, kicked out of local high school kids, kids with addictions, anger management kids, and other types of issues kids brought in the knowledge about drugs, alcohol, and sex. We were both so naive and country innocent with being slow to catch onto the greater lies of all the players callous to hurting and destroying those around them. We had fallen into many traps enjoying and hating things together.

THE SEPARATION

This is where you and I started to have a great separation. You went on a warpath of getting back at all those who used you, abused you, lied to you, took advantage of you. I was seeing more clearly for the first time you and I were very different. I followed you and helped you thinking we were the same.

You did things to other people with me right there with you recording the entire event. You were happy with each revenge and I was also to a certain degree, but not completely. Something was wrong and I could not see exactly what it was. Your wants and desires seemed to be out of control and reckless.

I saw you wanting to do to the naive the things that were done to you. You had become one of them inflicting the pain and experimenting. I was wanting to back off, but you did not. You had a hunger for evil and I wanted to cruise for a while. You had me doing things that I did not understand. It seemed like I wanted to do one thing and you wanted to do another.

I started looking at you really hard and I did not like what I was seeing. You were telling me what to do without considering the consequences. You really did not have any consciences. You were like an animal with the “eat or be eaten” philosophy. I was looking back at all the people in the wake of our past with them drowning in the pain, the deceptions, the theft, and other sorrows.

I WANTED OUT

You and I were born together. We really had good fun growing up when we were younger. I remember when we were on top of the shed thinking we could run down the roof and jump into the backyard over the child proof fence our parents bought to keep us from wandering off.

We did alright through elementary school. There were some good times outnumbering the bad ones. We met many new friends and teachers enjoying it for the most part. When we moved onto middle school it was basically the same as elementary with a little increase of things, but all in all not bad.

High school was our turning point. When our brother told us, “the first year will be like hell and then it gets worse after that” was not a joke because it was absolutely true. It was definitely not something we planned, but all things fell into place just like he said and beyond what he may have thought.

I wanted out of things you were constantly gravitating towards. I was tired of the games and the lies. I just did not how to be free from your influence. I knew I could totally leave you, but I had to find a peace of mind. The life you were trying to live had become tortuous to me. I had hated what we both had become and wanted out. I wanted a change.

THE CHANGE

You and I adapted to things the hard way. It seemed like we were always into troublesome situations. Everywhere we turned our lives was being filled with hurt, sorrow, pain, and despair. We changed from being the “receivers” into the “givers” and I did not like that, which you did.

I went to church one Sunday morning sitting as far away from the preacher as I could. I have no clue what was being said because I was just sitting there abiding time. I heard a voice in the form of a thought dropped into my head with no one close by that said, “you tried everything else why not try me?” It made sense to me to give God a try and I did.

You and I saw lies and deceptions from schools, neighborhoods, and churches, but this was different. This voice I heard came from not a school, a neighborhood, or church person. At this point I gave God a chance to be my best friend replacing you and others for a little while.

As I was getting to know God and how He felt about things. I began to see and understand you better. We were so close that I did not truly see you for you. Some of the things right underneath your nose can be totally missed.

I SEE YOU

We became a confusing blur of actions and I did not know what I was doing until God, the Spirit of truth, began to show me all truth about myself and you. I was trying to quiet, but with you I was doing the things I hate. I discovered I was not doing the bad things, but guilty allowing you to do the things, which implies an agreement to your actions to others. I realize there is nothing good in you.

You are totally committed to your selfish desires dragging me into your world and I did not know how to stop you. I wanted to do good, but I did not do it because you convinced me otherwise. God has given me strength and understanding on how to be truly happy not with temporary fixes.

You were the one warring against my thinking. You were the one that wanted to live life recklessly for yourself and who cares about others. You influence made me a prisoner in my mind that your ways were the answer. The whole world has been tricked by you. I was born with you and now “I SEE YOU” for who you are.

I was born with you at the same time into this world. You were my flesh and body. I believed in you. I trusted you with your instincts. We did all kinds of things together, but you had your own agenda. You were going to take my spirit with you. You used my thinking. You used my will. You deceived my heart into believing you. My spirit believed the things you were wanting were all good, but in the end there were consequences you did not care about. (Romans 7:15-25)

YOU CAN’T HIDE

When we were little I did not see the subtle secret desires you possessed until we got older. You had me blind thinking we were a team. It was not until your desires became evident of selfish origins regardless of other things in consideration. You were against my spirit from the beginning. Your animal instinct was literally your way of thinking. It is because of God I can now see your trickery and fight against you. This makes it difficult to do anything you please.

God’s Holy Spirit is now my roommate with my spirit inside your body leading and helping me to overcome your “immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these…” (Gal. 5:19-21). You are packed with every wrong intention and influence you can trick any spirit into brainstorming more things in the world. You hate God and could never be a Christian.

No wonder when I was trying to read God’s word you were dispatching extra sleep hormones. No wonder when I wanted to pray and fellowship with God you would try to distract me with things you thought more important and should be done. You were hating every moment that God was speaking to me.

God was showing my spirit that I can have in my life “…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Gal. 5:22, 23) I could live a life that there would be no need for a man made law to govern me because I acted upon things that does not need to be controlled?

Look where you took me inflicting false love, facade of joy, no peace only war, kindness to get something, goodness for a foot in the door, blind faithfulness to steal, gentleness as a set up, self-control to get the first punch in, and being detained by the law because of suspicion of doing wrong.

YOU CAN’T GO WITH ME

Now, that I understand you. I see though you were born with me “you can’t go with me” (1 Cor. 15:50). When we were born together in this world you were born with a count down clock of death and decay. I was born with you having an eternal death of punishment and fire. You were simply going to return to the earth as dust and as we departed from each other my spirit was destined for eternity of pain.

You wanted to live it up while you could selfishly ticking downward to existing no more all the while my spirit was feeding your needs oblivious to the unchanging punishment awaiting me. If it were not for God and His second chance of eternal life for my spirit I would have followed you to the end of your day being release from you into my eternal days of punishment.

When I was born with you into this world I did not know you were a body of death. I thought we would live forever and not become like the old people we saw in life. I was going to die with you maintaining a spirit of an evil death forever. Wow, it is really shocking the difference between you and me.

I WANT TO GO

I am truly alive in more ways I could ever know. I can have in my life “…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Gal. 5:22, 23). I appreciate being born with you and the vehicle that you have been for my spirit, but greater now that I know I can have a God led life while the clock of time ticks downward to the day death visits you freely returning you to dust and releasing me to eternal life.

You were with me when I was born again of the water and the spirit applying God’s plan of salvation to my spirit. You were with me when I was lowered into the water baptism having the name of Jesus Christ pronounced over me symbolic of being buried with him in death applying the blood of the Lamb of God that he shed on the cross, which the blood is in his name washing away all my sins. You were with me when I was praying if God wanted to give me His Spirit like they received on the day of Pentecost that I wanted to receive it and He did. You were with me when His Holy Spirit came bursting forth from deep within me speaking another language that I had not learned through you praising God, which was a sign to you and me along with anyone else who could hear Him speaking through me (Jn. 3:3,5; Acts 2:4, 38).

You were with me when we were both born into this world. You were with me when I was born again. You are with me now as we walk each day understanding each other’s destiny. We will always be at odds, but thank God you will return to the dust of the earth with no lasting punishment and I will be released being reconciled with God with no lasting punishment, but life eternal.

SEE YOUR BODY AND SPIRIT

Your body can’t go with you no matter if you go to heaven or the place of eternal punishment. Your body loves this world only and the pleasures it has to offer. It will return to the dust of the earth. You will not need your body to experience feelings in heaven or the other place. Your body is locked into returning to the dust of the earth.

Your spirit is going to go to heaven or the place of eternal punishment. God has provided a payment plan to pay off death, hell, and the grave for your spirit through Jesus Christ. It is a necessity you see your body for what it is. You were born with it, but it is not the best guidance counselor for your spirit’s destiny.

You can be born again of the water and the Spirit (Jn. 3:3,5; Acts 2:38). This gives you the best guidance counselor living inside your body as a roommate to your mind, heart, and soul helping you to live inside your flesh with the fruits of “…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Gal. 5:22, 23)

It comes down to the “want to” in your life. The wants of your fleshly body or the wants of your spirit. Are you tired of the battles you are fighting? You have no support from your flesh. It is a false lie pretending to be your friend and what it thinks is best for you. God is the true support and friend guiding you to absolute completeness you could ever experience.

I pray God’s goodness showers upon drenching you with His Holy and loving Spirit opening your life to the greatest things you could ever experience.

My Heart Is Heavy

My heart is heavy when I think of you. I feel a slow sadness seeping down through my system when I look at what all you have done. The feeling of brokenness begins to crack my walls of pride. I feel gravity lowering my head in shame and my knees bowing my body in humbleness before your love.

The questions roll in like a flood rushing down through the gorge of my mind pounding against the trees swaying them as to the “whys” you did what you did. The “what, when, and where” you would even want to help me overtakes my understanding. My mind is overwhelmed by the crowding thoughts beyond what it can wrap around to understand causing a feeling of numbness.

It is unfathomable you would even care to focus your efforts in my direction. Why would you love me? Why would you give me a second chance? Why do you believe in me? I am the lowest of low and you still reach out to me. I am not worthy. I do not deserve your kindness.

I am sad because of who I am. Of all that I have let down, you are the one most of all I am full of regret and shame. I cannot hide from you. I cannot cover up the things I have done before your eyes. You see me clearly as I am. Yet, you still love me.

Who am I that you would count in your heart worthy of your attention? I have done things that if I were dirt under your feet I would not be worthy of your foot step. Yet, you always reach down with my eyes seeing your open hand inviting me to reach up and you will take care of the rest. You gave me love when no one else would even give me a prayer.

ALL YOU’VE DONE

You have been so good from the beginning. You did not deserve the treatment you received. You created such a beautiful sanctuary. It is really sad to look from this side of the window to “what was” from the “what is” now. All the bad things we do now is unthinkable. Yet, you never gave up on us.

When you came to help me and said, “you’ve tried everything else…try me” I could not stop myself in reading about others you had helped before my time. I have to know more about you.

The very first account recorded of you being in a place to pass your opinion of what should be done to us moved my heart to seeing for the first time “true love“. You stood there with the judgment already passed upon your son and your daughter while the accuser expecting a swift and final decision.

It was almost like you were looking death in the eye telling him to let the one among them who is without guilt pass judgment first backing death off with time. When your son and daughter deserved death, you still reached past their guilt telling them to sin no more that you will come for them one day.

The book is full of your love reaching past people’s weaknesses, evilness, ignorance, doubts, complacency, adultery, murder, lies, betrayals, pridefulness, selfishness, hate, dividing agitators, and many more things that we are guilty also today of the same, if not more.

“My Heart Is Heavy” because all you have done was to try to help us when we are undeserving of your pure, holy, kind, and actions of love. We have through-out time slapped your hand away. We have made up lies trying to handle things our way. We have pretended you are not there lying to ourselves and others about you. We have kicked you out of our schools. We have removed your sayings from our buildings. We have ignored your words to a better life doing what we think is right only to end up under the same situations you warned us about.

How can you love us? How can you tolerate us? Why have you not killed us all? Your love goes beyond all creation. Your love is as deep as your presence, power of life, and knowledge. How can we not be heavy of heart considering a terrible actions and words?

I LOVE YOU

From the very first moment you were asked to judge us in the garden of Eden when we were already condemned to die you passed judgment onto the promise child yet to come. You postponed eternal death to be decided by the one among us who was without sin. You could have sent us out of your presence like you did the devil and his followers immediately, but you didn’t. Why do “I LOVE YOU” is because you loved me when I deserved no love at all, but condemnation.

You loved me in a way no other person did. You loved me for myself and not for the lies of pretending to be something else. You stayed with me when everyone else left. You listened to me when no one else cared about my thoughts and feelings. You gave me a chance when everyone else had given up condemning me as a lost cause. Why do “I LOVE YOU” is a simple answer.

YOU CAME IN PERSON

“My Heart Is Heavy” because when you came in person the treatment you received was undeserved. You put your Spirit inside of one of our slaved bodies to walk among us with your love and you were rejected. You did good deeds to us and was falsely accused. You touched us who were deemed untouchable. You sat with us in our poor homes with others trying to twist your words against you. You blessed our children when others counted them as a nuisance. When we lost our only son you stopped the funeral and brought our son back to us. We had a sick daughter and felt unworthy of your presences in our homes and you spoke your words of healing making our precious little girl well again.

Just like in the beginning you came to us in human form to restore goodness. You did not deserve the treatment you received. You came to return to us a beautiful sanctuary through your pure body of love. It breaks my heart to look through the window of time to the “what was” before we sinned to the “what is” now. What the people of the world is doing is unthinkable. Yet, you never gave up on us.

THE ACCUSER AGAIN

I see you getting up early in the morning with the temple and the people gathering together upon your heart. You make your way to sit among us to share and teach us more about your love. A group of so-called religious leaders disturbed the temple with a scheme against you throwing down a woman in the middle of us all in front of you. They looked into your face saying, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. “Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?” They wanted to trap you with your answer, but you started writing in the dust on the ground.

After some time had passed you stood up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” You stooped back down to write in the dust allowing them time to think about your words of spirit and life. They dropped their stones of judgment starting with the oldest to the youngest with their judgments unfulfilled walking away from her.

When you were left alone with her still laying on the ground in her guilt you said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” The only answer for her to reply was, “No one, Lord .” Her ears heard her words go out of her mouth that there was no one to condemn her. You placed your words on top of her words with, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.” (Jn. 8:1-11)

She confessed she was forgiven by no one being there to condemn her and you released her by your answer of neither do you condemn her to go and sin no more. Your love sees past what the world does not see and answers beyond what the world can perceive. You help us to confess there is no condemnation and then you apply your eternal love of neither do you condemn us.

STAGGERING PARALLEL

Your Spirit stood with Adam and Eve in the middle with the devil on the other side. Adam and Eve stood there condemned to die with the devil waiting and watching for your judgment. The devil expected your Spirit to strike as quickly as you did with him trapping you with your own words to your children. You did not answer in agreement with immediate death. You passed your answer and judgment onto the promised son to be born in the future. You postponed death with time and not immediate eternal damnation.

You stood with your Spirit inside Jesus the man with this woman in the middle and the accusing men on the other side. The woman laying there was condemned to die with the group of men waiting and watching for your judgment. The group of men were expecting to trap you with your words. You did not answer in agreement with immediate death for her, but stooped to write in the dust of the ground. You gave them words that postponed death with time and chased them away.

UNPARALLELED LOVE

All the things that we have put you through-out time is amazing you still love us. You stood there before the devil expecting you to condemn Eve and Adam immediately to eternal death. You were there standing before the men expecting you to condemn the woman immediately to physical and eternal death. Adam, Eve, and the woman were absolutely guilty and rightly so to die. We are them today with the death sentence rightly so upon us to die. I am grateful you are the final word.

God, the Spirit, postponed allowing time from immediate judgment to the Son to decide. The Son, God in the flesh, postponed allowing time to nail all sins to the cross through himself all judgments of sin taking away the power of death, hell, and the grave. You have loved us from the beginning to this present day providing a way for us to escape the death the devil so desires us to experience in hell with him and his followers.

You loved you us so much that you had mercy in speaking your eternal judgment from your Spirit to speaking your judgment through the body you had prepared for yourself known to us as your son because of the man part. You were still 100% God inside a 100% man. This is why for the woman when you did not condemn her you were taking her sin to the cross to cover it with your own blood.

Why would our hearts not be heavy for the price you had to pay for our sins. In all your purity you came down in flesh to walk among our filth for the sole purpose of sin releasing love for us. Your words to those men about that woman caught in sin,  “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” is the same person in the beginning with Adam and Eve. You are the only one among Adam and Eve just like the woman who had the right to throw the first stone of judgment, but you didn’t.

You were the Spirit that gave us life in our bodies made of the dust of the earth. You were the one that created us like children in your image and likeness. You were the one who loved us beyond our failures and shortcomings. You gave us everything to live a good life and we turned our backs on you, but you still came after us to save us. It blows my mind how awesome you are.

I feel so unworthy of your forgiveness. I cannot tell you enough of how I am blessed to be water baptized in the name of Jesus applying that pure blood of the Lamb of God that is in that name over me washing away all my sins and to be filled with the Holy Spirit of God like the disciples on the day of Pentecost (Acts 2:38). Thank you for giving us a second chance and a born again option.

“MY HEART IS HEAVY” with thankfulness and shame that I cannot live a perfect life, but strive to be better everyday. Help us to live a life worthy of your sacrifice and love for us.