Nobody Knows

There is no human being in the past, present, or future that knows in one hundred percent details of what is going on deep down inside your mind, heart, and soul except for one who is no longer here physically. Right now as you are reading these words sitting in a chair, laying on the bed, waiting for the bus to arrive, or at the kitchen table only you know the thoughts and feelings you are having at this moment. If there are people around you your thoughts and feeling are not being broadcast for anyone and everyone to see.

If you should even attempt to concentrate to broadcast your thoughts and feelings they will still go unnoticed and unheard. How many times have you stared into someone’s face while they are talking and the thoughts you are having would get you into trouble if they were broadcast out loud instantly? Most people rely upon body language to try to see inside others practicing a guessing game at what thoughts and feelings you are having, but never truly seeing one hundred percent details of your mind, heart, and soul.

The brother or sister you fought with growing up hearing you say, “I hate you” did not truly see the entire inside your mind and heart. The words could have been spoken because they were leaving you behind and the intention was just one more time give me some last-minute attention before you go, instead of “I hate you” and “I wish you would die” intentions. They did not see the broken heart and the inside tears dripping from the thoughts you are leaving me all alone. They did not see the hole that pulled away from your heart as they walked away. The reality of how much they were a part of the love in your heart surprises even yourself increasing the sorrow of “I did not realize until now” they are leaving. Nobody sees the engulfing defeating pain of “It is too late now” and “there is no second chance“. They only see the outside of facial and body language with no clue to the depth of suffering occurring right before their eyes hidden inside of you. Your spirit is not broadcasting one hundred percent of what is truly going on the inside of your body only the outward physical actions are dropping hints.

A great majority of people don’t even see with understanding the outward hints of the facial or physical clues. On top of that a great majority of people just don’t care, which is one of the saddest things on earth. There is a beauty to seeing and connecting to the inward parts of a person that go beyond descriptive words anyone could ever speak outwardly. There is a world inside each person that has mountains, valleys, rivers, slums, cities, towns, schools, jails, court rooms, execution rooms, happy places, war-torn zones, tombstones, sunrise, sunsets, rain, snow, teddy bears, snakes, horses, dogs, cats, birds, lakes, oceans, caves, and many more things.

Night has come and everyone has done their routine before bed as you lay down and the lights go out. Nobody knows as you silently lay there on your pillow the small trickling thoughts start flowing down your little creek bed as the water increases to overflowing your banks, out your eyes, down your check silently dripping and soaking into your pillow in the covered darkness of night. Even if you have someone beside you there is no broadcasting out loud the pain and suffering you are silently enduring. The bombing thoughts of something you love that is going away explodes all around you feeling powerless to stop the bombs falling from the sky. In the silence of the night inside your mind and heart an entire war can be erupting with a deafening sound to a hearing ear the horrific sites you see and “Nobody knows“. You lay there in a fox hole hoping the morning when and if you wake up to everything will be changed.

Inside your mind, heart, and spirit is an unlimited world that ‘Nobody knows‘ truly exists. Your body walks by the cubicles at work, the doorways, through the warehouse, down the assembly lines, or the saw-tables with every person absent-minded of the spirit of suffering inside. They see an outward smile you have practiced and hear words of greetings you have perfected, but the dying lonely spirit inside goes unseen and unheard.

As you walk with one foot falling out front with the other foot swinging into place in front of the other creating a forward motion for the body while the mind is frozen into place with heart pounding shock. The thoughts will not come for the numbness has them locked up. The pressure from deep down below begins to push its way upward as they reach the outlet at the top spilling out over the bottom eye lid. To the outside world water flows downhill naturally, but the hidden inward world of a hurting soul the water flows upward pushing up, out, and then down onto the cheek beside the nose to the chin dripping its brokenness. Who can truly see inside the house of flesh the details for the reason of suffering? Who truly cares to know in all purity of intentions? You body begins to stumble as you walk being a reflection to the staggering soul within. You want to help them so bad, but there are no ideas only emptiness with tormenting sorrow for the nothingness that can be done. Everything around you is totally oblivious to what is happening on the inside and you find yourself in place wondering ‘how did I get here?

Everyone leaves the house hearing the last person shut the door “Nobody Knows” your back leans against the wall sliding down to sitting on the floor as your arms prop onto your knees with your hands catching your face with streaming tears pouring into your hands as a deep mourning cry begins to burst forth with an utterance and a language that cannot be translated. You fall forward crawling towards the bed, couch, or chair dripping the tears of heartache and wishes. You dedicated many years of your life to saving that someone finding with all your efforts, sacrifices, and denying of personal happiness they walk away from you straight into the fire you wished to save and protect them from the burning pain. The wall holds no record broadcasting the memory of your sorrow. The floor, bed, couch, or chair does not highlight or glow the dripping spots of your tears to the evidence of your hidden tormenting brokenness.

Inside your body there is a gathering around your heart “Nobody Knows. They have come together to crush your spirit with the past, present, and the future. Loneliness joins hands with powerlessness, powerlessness locks hands with sadness, sadness joins regret-fullness,  regret-fullness joins with unfulfilled, unfulfilled with emptiness, nowhere to go and no answer in sight closes the circle around your heart starting the squeezing pressure of no tomorrow for you. ‘Why doesn’t someone truly see me?’, ‘Why does no one come to my help?’, ‘Why, am I so invisible?’

I am lonely with a loneliness physical gratification is not enough. The relationships that started quickly, a dream come true, a long time coming, too good to be true, played, and got together for the wrong reasons plagues the memories of a soul is something “Nobody Knows” the deep scars left inside the hidden spirit under our flesh. The physical plays only a band-aid part, but not the completeness of the cure. There is a hunger and thirst that goes far beyond the limits of this lonely house of flesh we live in.

Your spirit is inside your house of flesh. No one can truly look in through your windows seeing one hundred percent in details what your spirit is doing, thinking, or feeling on the inside. You can be shoulder to shoulder at a concert with someone thinking of dying inches away from your spirit and you would never know it. They could be sitting in the chair next to you with a broken heart of despair and you would never know it. They can be a well-known person in the public’s eye with a spirit of detrimental loneliness that you would never know. They can be handsome, beautiful, pretty, short, tall, and ugly by the world’s outward judgments, but inside “Nobody Knows” the true positive or negative form. They can be presidents, secretaries, doctors, lawyers, cashiers, nurses, carpenters, farmers, technologist, pastors, priests, choir members, coaches, husbands wives, roommates you see every day and yet “Nobody Knows” the suffering of their souls.

What do you live for? What is it you get up every morning to live for? What keeps you going on the outside though your insides are broken and torn? What holds you together? Do you think you will ever find complete happiness? Will the morning come that you wake up and all will be as you have dreamed it would be?

If deep down your answers to the above questions have a short coming to your expectations what can you do about it? Powerlessness may step up and say, ‘I cannot change others and the world I have tried them and on me‘. You are looking on the outside. Trusting people to be the hero that saves you at the end of the day is the fantasy you wish to see, but only fulfilled on make-believe shows. People will fail us because it is in all of our natures. Today you will not find many in this world that can walk by you and see the real you, stopping in the crowd, turning to you, and inviting you to eat with them (Lu. 19:2-6). You will not find someone who purposely goes out of their way to a spot you visit everyday just to meet you, talk to you, and try to help you (Jn. 4:4-42). You will not find many who will see through others trying to do you harm for their own selfish reasons using you, stand up for you, pointing the twisting of the law back at them, and after they leave offer you a hand up to go free because neither do they condemn you (Jn. 8:2-11). You will not find many in this world to accept you as you are and still want to keep company with you (Mtt. 9:10-13).

If finding that someone on the outside falls short what about doing something about the inside? Can you find something that will work on the inside that nobody on the outside could ever reach? We all at one point or another seek a physical existing partnership of someone who truly sees us with complete understanding and hears us with complete perception (they get us). Finding someone at your level of thinking, morals, and desires in completeness is almost near to zero chances. You may get close to finding that someone, but the majority of the world simply adapts to their situation with the outward facial/body expressions and rehearsed words of conversations. Another percentage of the world gives up and turns to substances that provide physical escapes through their flesh pushing those highs and lows upon their spirits.

You have a spirit door that leads to the inside of your body. You can open your spirit door and allow a roommate to move into the place where “Nobody Knows” the real you. As with all things you must be careful who you open your spirit door to. People cannot become one with your inside spirit literally. They can live with you with their physical body beside your physical body, but they will still not live inside your body where the real you hurts in the night-time crying tears silently into your pillow as they sleep. They may get accustomed your habits mimicking a oneness with your spirit, but still clueless to the details of your spirit. What we are looking for is beyond what this world can offer.

There are spiritual roommates that can live inside with us. I had many encounters of different kinds of spirit roommates. Some spirits wanted to live in a drug world, alcohol world, sexual world, players world, money world, power world, and many other types of worlds, but the conclusion of all of these pointed to one hundred percent satisfying the physical flesh side and leaving the spirit side to be thrown away and forgotten. I found one Spirit that did not push satisfying the flesh. The flesh is what everyone else sees and ignores the suffering of the spirit within. This one Spirit loved and adored the hidden spirit within that “Nobody Knows” or cares about other than to use it for their own gain. I started my research seeking this one Spirit. I found Him helping others no matter their status quo in life, outward beauty meant nothing to Him, and He willingly helped without demanding payment. I challenged Him with questions of the heart about love, hate, marriage, kindness, revenge, death, life, loneliness, sorrow, and whatever else came my way. I started to trust His answers because the results helped me sleep at night, wake up the next day happy, and pass through the day even when people did not care.

As time passed by I felt He was the Spirit roommate I wanted inside with mine automatically.  One day someone said some challenging things about my Spirit friend and His word. Of course, I nodded and smiled while inside I was thinking I will go home and see for myself if what they said holds true to what my Spirit roommate says. He said my friend was the same yesterday, today, and forever, which I found in Hebrews 13:8. I said to myself and my Spirit Friend ‘OK, that is true because it is in Your word and not twisted.‘ They told me that no one in the entire Bible was ever baptized in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. This was still the same conversation that I had nodded and smiled. I found in Matthew 28:19 is where my Spirit friend had said, “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you:..” OK, this was true what He said to His disciples of that day in the past, but now it was onto researching where they baptized people. I kept going because my Spirit friend was the most important friend of all because He knew exactly what I was suffering on the inside while the rest of the world turned away. I researched using all kinds of tools to find water baptism in the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. Again, I found what they told me was true that no one in the entire Bible record was baptized in the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, but I did find several Bible recorded water baptisms in the name of Jesus Christ. This made me go “Hmm”. My best Spirit friend in His word only baptized in His name for the reason of applying His blood to wash away my sins, which made sense to me because you cannot kill the Father or the Holy Spirit. I only agreed with this because it completely matched my Spirit friend Jesus and I trusted Him more than people. The final part they told me was we can receive His Spirit like they did back then because He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I researched and found my Spirit friend Jesus did not change in water baptism and the in filling of His Spirit because it was a promise to all generations (Acts 2:38, 39.

Now, it was on. I started asking my best Spirit friend Jesus if He wanted me to have His Spirit like they did back then when the cloven tongues of fire came upon them giving them words of praise in another language than their native language as a sign they had received His Spirit then I wanted it also. This open attitude towards my Spirit friend and His word allowed Him to truly and literally move inside my body with my spirit. I was glad to go down into water baptism with His name pronounced over me washing away my sins. I was glad to ask Him directly to fill me with His Spirit with the evidence to myself and those around me of a language He gives me at that moment praising Him. I know now His Spirit and my spirit are roommates inside this body. I will never be alone, cry alone, hurt alone, and walk alone ever again.

He has balanced me out from the inside that “Nobody Knows” except Him with a wisdom that blesses me and those around me who are hurting past the surface of their flesh. He knows and wants to help if we will allow Him. I cannot give you the words that I feel in my spirit that would express enough gratitude for Him loving me beyond me and wanting to be a part of my life. I encourage you get His Bible and challenge Him for answers of your heart that no one knows, but you and Him. He will show you how to handle fear, hate, envy, jealousy, loneliness, and any other unlimited questions you may have. He will drop His thoughts into your thoughts that will make you smile beyond any joy you have ever experienced in this world. Don’t be alone ever again. May God bless you.

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